Loneliness

I ask myself why

I can not be alone

Why does the pain hit

When I sit here in silence

Why does it go away

Only when someone is near

This is what I fear

That this loneliness

Will consume me

That the pain will never leave

Why does it have to hurt so much

Why won’t it go away

Why do I have to fight this pain

Every single day

Nyx

Into the abyss

I feel my body as it starts to shut down

In this moment I have no hope

I find no ground

I fall into the darkness

Into the abyss of my mind

I no longer care

I have no sense of time

I no longer hope

I no longer fear

All I do is sit here

Falling further down

Until I find the water

And let myself drown

 

To my readers and the people who care about my posts,

When I write, it is not always literal, it is not always about the present. Please do not interpret anything literally. I only say this, because I know that I have readers who think that what I write is always at this moment, and that is not the case. I will not always say when or where or how these poems come to me. I always appreciate everyones empathy, concern, and happiness when I post my poems. Please keep in mind that these posts are not always what they seem, they are not always literal, and they are definitely not always present day.  Please know that I appreciate everyone who enjoys my writing. I just think this needed to be said. To everyone who reads and supports my poems, I appreciate the hell out of you.   Peace and Love, Nyx 

Depression

Today I feel so hollow

The depression it hits me hard

There is no thought

There is no action

That makes me feel this way

It is just a feeling that I live with

Every single day

Sometimes I forget

Until I sit still

Then I realize that this depression

It is real

There is no rhyme or reason

For the way I feel

I sit here alone in silence

Hoping this feeling will end

This is when I try to escape

This is when I pretend

Nyx

Disclaimer: When I write, it is not always literal, it is not always about the present. Please do not interpret anything literally. I only say this, because I know that I have readers who think that what I write is always at this moment, and that is not the case. I will not always say when or where or how these poems come to me. I always appreciate everyones empathy, concern, and happiness when I post my poems. Please keep in mind that these posts are not always what they seem, they are not always literal, and they are definitely not always present day.  Please know that I appreciate everyone who enjoys my writing, I just think this needed to be said. To everyone who reads and supports my poems, I appreciate the hell out of you. 

Escape

Apathy is my friend

It is the only way I will survive

Disconnect or die

This is what I feel

I have known all along

That happiness isn’t real

Those moments of peace..

They never last

I am haunted by the present

I am haunted by the past

There is no escape

From the pain I feel inside

There is no escape from the memories

There is no escape from the lies

Everyone I have let in

Has thrown a brick at me

I feel myself as I sink

Below the beautiful sea

This is the only way

I will ever be free

Nyx

Fate

I watch the others

From a distance

Feeling the loneliness grow

Sometimes I smile

Sometimes I let it show

Right now I feel the pain

Deep inside my chest

It eats away

Everything that is left

It eats away the hope I once had

The image that I had is gone

The image of happiness

That I had with someone

I realize that at the end of the day

All I have is me

Maybe this is my fate

Maybe this is my destiny

Nyx

The bridge

I see the bridge

So beautiful

So bright

It lights up the sky

On the darkest night

At my darkest hour

This is where I fall

Into Pandora’s box

There is no night

There is no day

This is where I rest

This is where I stay

Disclaimer

This is not a reflection of me, but a reflection of many who have suffered enough to take their own lives. Peace and love, Nyx

No one left

My world has changed again

Trying to find my home

Feeling so alone

The air sweeps me off my feet

I feel defeated, I just want to sleep

Where do you go

When you no longer know

Where you belong

No one sees me

As I fade away

There is no one watching

There is no one left

Nyx

Fleeting dreams 

I used to think you loved me 

Then you said good bye 

I sit here asking myself why 

Why can’t love be unconditional

Why can’t you try 

We are all flawed in someway 

At least I never lie 

One thing I will never understand 

Is why you thought you ever loved me 

Because true love is unconditional 

It does not fade with words

It does not fade with time 

I was never yours 

You were never mine 

I hope that you do find 

True love someday 

At least I know now 

What it is we never had 

Someday you will find the one 

That you will forever love and adore 

In the mean time 

My fleeting dream is gone 

Nyx

Together we descend 

I watch as the skies fade into gray 

I am so tired of fighting alone 

This is just the way it has to be 

Alone I wonder into the abyss 

Darkness follows behind 

Playing his role in kind 

This I am ok with 

Because I know 

Darkness is part of my mind 

There is no joy without despair 

There is no light without darkness

There is no beginning without an end 

So I take darkness, I grab his hand 

Together we descend 

Nyx 

Hope lies within my dreams 

I am sitting here 

Alone again 

Silent and still 

I wish I could say 

That I am fine 

But I would only be lying 

Let them sleep 

As I bury the pain again

Let the apathy set it 

So I can wake up again tomorrow 

I feel the emptiness fill me 

As I listen to the sounds of the night 

As I embrace the serenity of the darkness 

And find comfort in the stars 

In a few hours a new day will start 

Once again I am reminded 

What being alone means 

I am lost in my own world 

Where hope lies within my dreams 

Nyx