Dear God

Once again I long for death

Devastated and broken

By what I have spoken

To someone who cared about me

Sometimes I wonder if the pain will rip me apart

Sometimes I wonder if the pain will stop my heart

What would I be

If I was not me

Darkness and pain

Fire and anger that spreads

Underneath my chest

Is that all that I am

This thing that should not have been

This thing that suffers in the dark

Please someone help me

Please just take me away

Dear God please just kill me today

Nyx

Today

I’ve been avoiding the sunlight

I’ve been avoiding my life

I am so tired of many things

Most of all I am tired of myself

Tired of the shame

Tired of the pain

Tired of existing as I am

What is the point of life

If I am unable to live it

Why give me so much love

And then make it so hard to give it

I have to find some hope

Because I have lost it again

The pain is so extreme

The pain is too much

There has to be a reason

There has to be a way

To pull myself away from this darkness

Once again today

Nyx

Existing

I kind of want to die again

It’s been a little while

It’s very hard to be alive right now

Its very hard to exist as myself in this current state that I am in

Should I do something

Should I help others in some way

Or have I already said

All there is to say

Nyx

Reality

Some days I just want to sleep

It’s like I can no longer feel

There is no good

There is no bad

There is just this monotonous reality

Nyx

Content

Feeling content is a gift

A break from sadness and pain

I am grateful for this feeling

I appreciate the lack of pain

I accept this gift

Nyx

Peace

Sometimes I find these moments

Moments of peace

Peace I thought I would never find

Peace has finally found me

Nyx

The hole within my soul

I still can’t fill the pit

The hole within my soul

It grows larger every minute

With nothing left to throw inside

I just feel discontent

Hollow and unhappy in my own skin

Nyx

Exist as I am

It is hard to ignore this loneliness

I feel this need for connection

A connection to someone else

In the meantime I lay here

Listening as the clock keeps ticking

Aware of time that is passing by

Knowing that being here alone is not enough

But accepting it anyway

This is what is best

I will keep trying to be better

I will exist as I am

Nyx

There is no escaping who you are

What do you do when you want to escape your own skin

What do you do when you are tired of the emptiness

What do you do when your tired of that uneasy feeling

There is no escaping who you are

Nyx