Today

Today I question

Everything and everyone

Who am I

Who have I become

I feel so weary

As the anxiety

Brings me down

I feel so lost

I do not want to be found

I do not want to be consumed

By the pain that loneliness brings

By the fire that burns in my chest

I just want peace

I just want to rest

Nyx

I must continue

As I walk along the path

I listen as he speaks

Another person comes and goes

I had a few moments of peace

Before I realized once again

I haven’t found the one

I must continue to protect myself

As weary as I am

I must push myself to wake up

I must make myself stand

Nyx

I have to keep fighting

I try not to think about the past

The images that fly by so fast

The things that I see

I wish they were not real

I wish they were not a part

Of who I have become

The weight it is so heavy

The pain it turns to glass

The shards fly at me

With each obstacle that I face

Somedays I lose my faith

In the entire human race

But today I realize this does not matter

Because I must wake up

I cannot see the darkness

I watch it fade to grey

I have to keep fighting

If I do not it is all for nothing

Today I must be the lion

Or I will not survive

Today I must see the light

I must fight through the haze

All I can do

Is continue to fight you

Nyx

The setting sun

I love you and I hate you

This I know is true

You left me slowly dying

Like so many have done before

I screamed your name

As you walked through the door

There is nothing left

Of the person I was before

You are one of many

Yet you have left your own scar

The chunk you ripped was the last

Of a girl that has passed

Her death was grieved by no one

The shell that remains of me

Looks at the setting sun

I find resolve in who I have become

But I will never forget what you have done

Nyx

Loneliness is what I fear

The pain

It comes and goes

Hits me in waves

Sometimes it lasts for hours

Sometimes it lasts for days

Until I shut it down

It is often soothed

By the sound of someone else

Or the sound of music

Playing in my head

Sometimes when the pain is gone

All I feel is dread

Loneliness is what I fear

Night after night

Year after year

I do not want to be alone

I want to find my home

Nyx

Cold and still

I am lost

Dead inside

I am no one

I am nothing

I do not see the sun

I do not see the sky

I know longer feel the pain

Nothing is the same

My feet no longer move

I lay here cold and still

I have lost my will

Nyx

Inside the flame

All that was left of her

Were ashes in the breeze

She fell to her knees

But no one heard her cries

No one heard her pleas

She slowly burned away

The pain was too great

She could no longer stay

She told herself to let go

To let the fire blaze inside

Then she felt her heart slow

Amongst the fire

Inside the flame

She let herself die

Nyx

Broken

I am always reminded

Of the uncertainty in this life

Of the things that I have lost

Of the cruelty

Of the ones who look away

And the ones who do not stay

I am left a wanderer

Lost in this world

Yet driven to be more than what I am

Pushing myself every day to stand

Sometimes the pain grips me so hard

I feel myself slowly

Being torn apart

I try never to forget

What it is I fight for

I try not to forget

What it felt like

When I walked out the door

I no longer know who I am

I no longer know who I was before

I sit here broken

Longing for something I will never get

The pain it lingers

But it has not defeated me yet

Nyx

Loneliness

I ask myself why

I can not be alone

Why does the pain hit

When I sit here in silence

Why does it go away

Only when someone is near

This is what I fear

That this loneliness

Will consume me

That the pain will never leave

Why does it have to hurt so much

Why won’t it go away

Why do I have to fight this pain

Every single day

Nyx

Another day

I cry everyday

Nothing keeps the pain away

As soon as I am alone

It hits me hard

I feel so broken

I feel so lost

Every day I live

I feel the cost

I feel myself grow weary

I feel the drain

All I feel is agony

It is always the same

I do not know what to do

To make it go away

All I have ever done

Is feel it everyday

I would give anything

To make the pain stop

I do not know how much longer

I can live this way

For now I sit here

Trying to make it through another day

Nyx