Pandora’s box

I sit here numb

To everything around me

I feel the world cave in

As I look down at the water

I feel the apathy

As I make my choice

A choice I have made before

With every closing door

I take one last moment

To let myself feel the pain

It cuts so deep

I will never be the same

I look at the sky

Before I jump

Into the cold water below

This is where I belong

So this is where I go

When all is lost

I will take myself there

To Pandora’s box

Hoping for the darkness

Hoping for some peace

Hoping that this time

I do not come back

I just want the darkness

I just want to see the sky

I just want to see the sea

Then I want to die

Disclaimer

This is not present day.

Nyx

Into the abyss

I feel my body as it starts to shut down

In this moment I have no hope

I find no ground

I fall into the darkness

Into the abyss of my mind

I no longer care

I have no sense of time

I no longer hope

I no longer fear

All I do is sit here

Falling further down

Until I find the water

And let myself drown

 

To my readers and the people who care about my posts,

When I write, it is not always literal, it is not always about the present. Please do not interpret anything literally. I only say this, because I know that I have readers who think that what I write is always at this moment, and that is not the case. I will not always say when or where or how these poems come to me. I always appreciate everyones empathy, concern, and happiness when I post my poems. Please keep in mind that these posts are not always what they seem, they are not always literal, and they are definitely not always present day.  Please know that I appreciate everyone who enjoys my writing. I just think this needed to be said. To everyone who reads and supports my poems, I appreciate the hell out of you.   Peace and Love, Nyx 

Depression

Today I feel so hollow

The depression it hits me hard

There is no thought

There is no action

That makes me feel this way

It is just a feeling that I live with

Every single day

Sometimes I forget

Until I sit still

Then I realize that this depression

It is real

There is no rhyme or reason

For the way I feel

I sit here alone in silence

Hoping this feeling will end

This is when I try to escape

This is when I pretend

Nyx

Disclaimer: When I write, it is not always literal, it is not always about the present. Please do not interpret anything literally. I only say this, because I know that I have readers who think that what I write is always at this moment, and that is not the case. I will not always say when or where or how these poems come to me. I always appreciate everyones empathy, concern, and happiness when I post my poems. Please keep in mind that these posts are not always what they seem, they are not always literal, and they are definitely not always present day.  Please know that I appreciate everyone who enjoys my writing, I just think this needed to be said. To everyone who reads and supports my poems, I appreciate the hell out of you. 

Escape

Apathy is my friend

It is the only way I will survive

Disconnect or die

This is what I feel

I have known all along

That happiness isn’t real

Those moments of peace..

They never last

I am haunted by the present

I am haunted by the past

There is no escape

From the pain I feel inside

There is no escape from the memories

There is no escape from the lies

Everyone I have let in

Has thrown a brick at me

I feel myself as I sink

Below the beautiful sea

This is the only way

I will ever be free

Nyx

Fate

I watch the others

From a distance

Feeling the loneliness grow

Sometimes I smile

Sometimes I let it show

Right now I feel the pain

Deep inside my chest

It eats away

Everything that is left

It eats away the hope I once had

The image that I had is gone

The image of happiness

That I had with someone

I realize that at the end of the day

All I have is me

Maybe this is my fate

Maybe this is my destiny

Nyx

Strength

The heaviness wears me down

All I want is sleep

I fight through another day

Dreaming of an empire I will build

But I may not make it

Before my skin starts to decay

I may not make it

Before the lights fade

To the dimmest shade of grey

I try not to dream of tomorrow

I try not to dream of yesterday

But this leaves me with an emptiness inside

One that will not go away

I cannot fix these fractures

They have taken their own form and shape

They have sliced away my feelings

Until there is nothing left

Self-destructive thoughts

And the longing for the dark

This is what I see today

Yet, I have stood up

As I write these words to you

I just need the strength to stay awake

I just need the strength to find myself again

I just have to make it

I just have to stand

Nyx

Bleeding Heart

I thought I was strong

But right now I am weak

I should have known all along

What my weakness was

I should have remembered

That happiness isn’t real

I should have remembered

The way that heart break makes me feel

I didn’t remember until the pain hit

I didn’t remember until my chest was burning

I didn’t remember until the world around me was shaking and turning

Well here I am

As I sit

Asking myself what is wrong with me

Blaming myself because I didn’t see

What my weakness was all along

That I am not strong

I am a bleeding heart

Doomed from the start

My bleeding heart is my weakness

Nyx