I feel my heart stop beating
I feel myself break in half
Why am I always left here
Alone in this place
How many demons must I conquer
To forget your face
You have destroyed
Only to recreate
It is too late to change
This monster that you made
I try to dream
I try to float away
Instead I scream
As I drown on the inside
Remembering all the lies
I try to live in this moment
But this moment does not last
What I would not give
To be able to erase the past
Nyx
Each day I rise with hope
Some days it lasts
Some days it does not
Today I hope I find the peace that I seek
I hope that in a few hours
I do not feel weak
I hope that deep inside I keep
Some form of strength left
Because I feel beaten down
I feel so weary
Right now everything I see is dark
Everything is dreary
Each day seems the same as the last
Constantly fighting the past
I live as this broken person
With a smile plastered on my face
On the inside all I feel is disgrace
Everyday to me is exactly the same
This monotonous life of pain
I will try to escape from the pain today
Let’s see if I succeed
Nyx
I have moments of peace
They do not last long
Then I feel the pain
As I try to sing along
Sometimes words may help me
Sometimes they do not
All I know for sure
Is peace is all I have ever sought
No matter how much I have cried
No matter how much I have fought
I have yet to find it
Maybe someday I will
Maybe someday the earth will stay still
Just maybe I will find the one
To make me feel safe from it all
To protect me from harm
Maybe he will grab my hand
Before I hit the ground
At this moment I have no hope
All I do today is
Find the strength to go on
Find the strength to cope
This loneliness will stay
It must be my eternal debt to pay
I guess I just have to except it
This is just the way it is
I have lost all hope
That someday I will truly be his
Nyx
I feel numb
Lost to this world
I am fading
Fading into nothing
I no longer care
About anything at all
All I want to do is free fall
Free fall to nothing
Close my eyes
Feel the air
Pushing against my skin
I feel the darkness push me further
As I slowly disappear
Farther and farther I fall
Until I am merely mist in the air
Darkness pushes me down
He wants me to disappear
He wants me to hit the bottom
This is when peace will come
This is when I will go back
Back to where I come from
Nyx
To my readers,
This poem is how I have felt in the past, not today. Thank you all for your continued support. Peace and love. Nyx
Today I wake
Weary with dread
Wondering
What will come next
Nyx
I try to push the feeling away
But as the panic rises
I have no control
It bursts through me like a tidal wave
There is nothing I can do today
The tide has blown me away
Nyx
Underneath the lamplight
I lay my weary head
Thinking I might be safer
But still wishing I was dead
A drifter is what I was
I guess I still am
Drifting from here to there
Going no where
Stepping forward
Then stepping back
Waiting for the next swing
Bracing myself for the next hit
Wondering when I will lose it
Nyx
When I reflect
When I stop
When I think about
Where I come from
All I feel is pain
An agony so piercing
An agony so deep
It is all consuming
This agony I feel
What I wouldn’t give
For it not to be real
These images of my past
And all the pain that they bring
Thankfully they do not last
Because I shut them away
This is how I survive
This is how I breathe today
Nyx
Life is an endless array of obstacles
This I know is true
All I do is bear it and keep going
All I do is hope I make it through
These obstacles block the way home
They make me crawl inside myself
Longing to be alone
I always see them coming
These obstacles you see
I brace myself hoping I am wrong
Then I realize I cannot change what is coming
It is my destiny
My fate
There is nothing I can do
It is always too late
It seems some things have been decided
But maybe this is untrue
All I can do is keep moving forward
Hoping I make it back to you
Nyx
At this moment I trust no one
At this moment my hope in others is gone
I feel no joy in the company that I keep
My heart has been ripped open
By all of the promises that have been broken
I shed no more tears today
I have said all there is to say
I have lost something I once had
I no longer have the ability to retain an emotion
I don’t even know what sadness feels like anymore
All I know is agony
Then I feel the apathy
Then I feel the rage
This is all I have left
Nyx
