Sometimes it is just so painful to be alive
writing
In my skin
I wish that I could escape
From my own mind
But I am stuck here
With my thoughts
With my self hate
Every moment of every day
I hate being in my skin
Nyx
The Pit
I am alone again
My thoughts have slowed down
I slept and then woke up to sadness
Once again not knowing what to do
At least I have my furry companions
They lay beside me now
Taking away a little piece of the pain
That pulls the rest of me away
My will is broken
The sadness is too strong
It keeps me trapped here in the darkness
Wishing it will end
Wishing I will see the light again
No matter what I do
No matter what I say
No matter where I go
The sadness never goes away
It is like an endless pit
That nothing will ever fill
I can climb it and think I’m getting better
I can climb so high
Then I scream
Then I shout
But I fear I will never make it out
Nyx
Pulling me
I sit here and I feel the pain
The pain that loneliness brings
I remind myself that I have to feel
I remind myself that I cannot shut it off or I will never heal
But the heaviness wears me down
I feel it pulling me further away
Then I feel the pain in my chest
The same pain as before
The pain that I just do not want to feel anymore
Nyx
The void
Once again I exist in the darkness
Hiding from the world
Ashamed of what I look like
Ashamed of my lack of control
Emptiness and loneliness
Is all I feel today
In this void of nothing
This void that never ends
Nyx
Trapped in hell
I hear the gate slam
As I fall into the flames
All I feel is emptiness and pain
I lie in the darkness
No longer wanting to exist in this world
With the gate slammed shut
I find my resolve
I have accepted my fate
I can not save myself
From my own mind
I just want to feel the flames
For the last time
Nyx
Comfortably numb
I am shrouded in darkness
Away from the light of the sun
I love it when thunder roars
And the rain starts to pour
I love the sound as it hits the ground
I love the light as it sparks with fury
As bolts shoot from the sky
And I love the color grey
Before everything turns black
I find comfort in the storm
The chaos of the clouds
Reminds me of my life
And the paradox of comfort from pain
Because it is all I know
Fear and anger
Sadness and agony
Tears that I can not stop from falling
Until a spark of awareness
Brings me back to reality
And takes the tears away
This awareness shuts me down
Until I am comfortably numb
Enjoying the lack of pain
Until the new cycle has begun
Nyx
There is a way out of hell
Darkness has reminded me of the agony
That sadness brings
I will feel euphoria
Until it all comes crashing down
This is when I feel him near me
This is when he brings the pain
He is my reminder of who I used to be
He is my reminder of the torment I have felt
He is my reminder that everyone walked away
But today I fight him because I must
I have to remind myself
That I have always gotten back up
Every time I fell
I have to remind myself
That there is a way out of hell
Nyx
New challenges
Today I wake up to new challenges
I am reminded of the uncertainty
That each day brings
And with each day a new dawn rises
Giving me the chance to start again
Giving me the energy to push myself forward
Because I either rise or fall
That decision is mine to make
With every step I do or do not take
Today I am taking a step
Because that is what I choose to do
Nyx
Rise
Only from the ashes of who we were
Can we rise up to become who we were meant to be
Nyx
