To be free

I feel so heavy 

So weighed down

I feel the darkness 

Rise above my head 

Pulling me further 

Filling me with dread

Maybe I will make it

Maybe I will not

Maybe I will find a way 

To fix myself again 

Maybe I will wake up 

When all I want is sleep 

Maybe I will pull the blade out 

The one that’s in so deep 

Maybe I will find a way  

To be free 

Nyx

I have to prevail

The anxiety smoothers me

I can no longer breathe

Survival is what I need

In order to succeed

The struggle to keep my head above water

It gets harder everyday

If only I could find someway

To assure I will make it

If only I could find someway

To feel safe again

As my breath leaves me

I start to feel the pain

The constant worry

It is always the same

Will I make it

Or will I fail

I know that somehow

I have to do this

I have to prevail

Nyx

Time to feel

We are only a moment

But while we are here 

I will love you my dear 

With all that I am 

With all that I will ever be 

With the best and the worst

Parts of what is left of me 

I will allow myself this time to feel 

To let myself believe that true love is real 

Nyx

Within my dream

I see what he has done 

I see the grass that has grown brown 

I see the trees wither and die around me

I see the sky fade into grey 

I walk away from the dark  

With every tear I shed 

With every sting that this nightmare brings 

I push forward 

And as I go 

I will my heartbeat to slow 

I will my sorrow away 

I take a seed and plant it 

With my love I know it will grow 

Someday I will see the trees again 

Someday I will see the green 

Someday the sky will shine with color 

Beauty will not be forgotten 

It will be seen 

I will live my life again 

I will live within my dream 

Nyx

Turning the page

I sit here hoping I can keep

This eternal peace that I seek

Today I have won

I have felt the light

Shine down from the sun

I have felt the breeze on my face

I ran through the woods

At my own pace

I will keep this hope in my heart

As I turn the page

Waiting for this new chapter to start

Nyx

As the water fallsĀ 

I listen as the water falls 

What a soothing sound 

I feel my body go still 

I let go of worry

I let go of sorrow 

I just sit here and listen 

As it all fades away 

Closing my eyes 

I find some peace today 

Nyx

The clouds are closing in

Trying to push through today

But the clouds are closing in

They are there to remind me

That darkness hovers

It still exists within

Just beyond my currents thoughts

The darkness seeps through

I feel the pain as it starts to burn

Then I close my eyes and see

All the things I have seen before

And what is in front of me

The path is still there

It breaks off here again

Asking me if I want to go back

To my land of pretend

Nyx

Loving you

When I heard you say your name 

I knew I would never be the same 

Something changed in me that day 

That interest grew with words you said 

Dreams were formed inside my head

Then I felt the pull 

Then I felt your skin

I knew then that I was lost 

I gave you my heart that day 

You took it when I saw your eyes 

When the force made me look into them 

You took it when you did not leave 

You never faltered 

You never swayed 

You believed in me 

And I know that you still do 

This is why I know 

I will never stop loving you 

Because there is nothing 

That your love for me 

Will not carry me through 

Nyx

When my soul is goneĀ 

Sometimes despair drags me down 

Through this haze of memories 

Through years of turmoil 

My body sinks 

Until it is anchored down 

Then the rooms fills with water 

As I lay chained to the ground 

Once again I gulp for air 

Until I can no longer breathe 

This is when the emptiness comes 

This is when my soul is gone 

Nyx