Fade Away

I am so lost and alone

I want to fade away into nothing

I want to stop existing

Feel no pain

Have no thought

Just a shadow 

Lost forever in the dark

Take all that I have

Take all that I was

I no longer care

Crush out the spark

Crush out my hope

Crush my dreams

Just let me go

Give me peace

I want to feel my breath grow shallow

I want to feel my body drift away

Even my love does not see

That there is nothing left of me

When one can sleep so soundly

While the other suffers so

It makes me want to tell darkness

To just take the spark, blow it out, and let me go

Nyx

 

 

One of the damned 

I hear music in my head

Repeating round and round

It soothes me when I hurt inside

It soothes me when I’m down

I wish I wasn’t the way that I am

But there is nothing I can do

Sometimes I think I torture myself on purpose

Just to prove that there is nothing I cannot live through

But this is who I am

Forever walking alone

This is who I am

An abandoned soul who walks the world

This is who I am

I am one of the damned

Nyx

Image Source: http://nitroviolent.tumblr.com

Alone

Misery

Sometimes misery drags me down so quickly 

The ground gives way and I sink so deep 

I don’t want to wake up, I just want to sleep 

One action…one move…can spin me down so fast and so far 

I lose myself and I forget who I am 

I become someone else when you bring me to this place 

Just leave me alone and give me my space 

Nyx

 

© Nyx0519

image source https://www.flickr.com/photos/zoecvr/

One step forward 

One step forward one step back

Trying to keep myself on track

Watching everyone around me

So close and yet so far

That’s where they are

Pretend

I pretend to smile 

I pretend to be ok 

I hold back on things I should say 

I pretend not to see that you screwed me 

I pretend not to feel the pain 

I don’t want to see my reality 

The selfishness of the people around me

These people who pretend to care 

Where are they when you need them to be there 

Don’t they know it freaking hurts to be let down 

I’m tired of pretending…I’m tired of being in pain 

I just want to escape my life…escape these people I have to pretend for 

I just can’t do it anymore 

They break off a little more of what’s left of me

If they saw what was left on the inside…past the mask…would they really see 

I don’t think they can…so I will no longer pretend

Get out of my life…get out of my heart…this is the end 

Tension 

I feel the tension radiate from him to me

It makes me crazy…I can’t breathe 

He is hurting me with his tension…why can’t he see 

I just want to be calm…I just want to be free

I want to be alone 

I want to be away from this

I know longer want to be his 

Pain 

Sometimes I feel the pain

So deep in my heart…so deep in my chest

It grips me sometimes…this loneliness I feel

It is a painful reminder that the past is real

Sometimes it disappears in shadow

Sometimes it fades away with the light

It is always a struggle for me…always a fight

It hurts today…It hurts a lot

I’m just going to keep fighting…for what I have sought

I move forward as the pain grips my heart

I move forward for I have no choice

I broke the bind you see

I unleashed the pain when I used my voice

Harden my heart 

I have to harden my heart

I have to keep it that way

Many may not understand

But many have not lost

All that they have ever had

When your world gets ripped away

When you are left with nothing

Tell me then that I shouldn’t harden my heart

Tell me then that you understand me from the start

Tell me then that I’m not really alone

Grab my hand and take me home