Still drifting

I walk this world a wanderer

Drifting from here to there

It is hard to believe I am still breathing

But here I am still wandering the land

Some days I wish I was not me

Somedays I wish I was gone

Today I sit here, still breathing

Always fighting through the pain

Always fighting to hold on

I will remain as I have always been

A wanderer running away from sin

Running away from my shame

There is no one here to blame

I left them when I drifted

Along this path in life

I had to let them go

I had to say goodbye

I will never stop moving

There is no home for me

Wandering here then moving forward

This is who I was meant to be

Nyx

There is no cure

Today I wish I wasn’t me

Like I have so many days before

What I suffer from

There is no cure

As I lay here in the dark

I find comfort in my dreams

There is no pain there

I do not remember

Happiness lasting very long

No matter what I have done

No matter where I have gone

Nothing can replace what was taken from me

I cannot regrow my soul

I long for death

But darkness is not finished with me yet

I know now that I cannot be different

I was not made to feel joy or love

All I can do is hope that there is peace

From some shining light above

In the mean time

I am here

Laying in the dark

Feeling empty and broken

Because everyone is gone

Every part of me was stolen

I feel so alone

It is so hard to go on

I wish for death every single day

There is nothing that anyone can do

There is nothing that anyone can say

That will ever make me want to get up

That will make me believe anything today

Nyx

Darkness and the night

Darkness will follow me

Wherever I go

When I am alone

This is when I know

I can feel it

He is coming

There he is as the light flickers out

He looks at me and shakes his head

Darling girl why are you still not dead

Haven’t you learned anything yet

This suffering and pain

I will never let you forget

I will make you feel it

Until you cannot breathe

As you gasp for air

I will bring you there

To the cycle of hell that is your life

Don’t you long for it to end

Come with me my dear

I can make it stop

You have nothing to fear

Just take my hand and we will go

Into the darkness of the night

I take his hand

There is nothing left for me here

Nothing left for me to know

As we walk I feel my heartbeat slow

I feel myself as I start to fade

Off together we both go

Me and the only friend I know

Nyx

Broken

I exist in my own hell

A busted broken shell

I break everyday

Nothing takes the pain away

There is no song that brings lasting peace

There is no wind on my face

There is no ground to walk on

There is nothing anyone can say

Because they all walk away

I wish I did not exist

But here I am

Living this life of pain

I will never be the same

I cannot fix what they have done

I was created and at the moment

My creators have won

I no longer see the beauty of the sun

I no longer see a blue sky

In this moment all I want to

Is die

Nyx

Let go

I barely make it through

Everything that I do

No matter what I have done

I have yet to feel the sun

It does not shine upon my face

There is no warm welcoming embrace

As I find myself here

There is no one near

No one to wipe away my tears

No one to soothe me

No one to shield me from my fears

So, I just fall

Further into the dark

I see nothing in this place

So, I close my eyes

And let go

Nyx

 

After the damage is done

What am I doing

How do I change who I am

Somedays all I want to do is sleep

Somedays all I want to do is run away

I cut them all out of my life

Then I want them back

What is wrong with me

I am so lost today

This is when I pull them back

After the damage is done

It is already too late

Nyx

Without sound

She stood there

Her hair floated in the breeze

The pain it gripped her

Brought her to her knees

She screamed but no one heard her

She stretched out her arms

But no one saw

The scars that were red and raw

The sorrow and the screams were ignored

It was easier to look away

Than to look upon this girl

So they continued forward

As she stayed behind

To suffer alone

She was left there

Inside her home of pain

She was left there

And everyday she drowned

She was lost

She was seen

But without sound

Nyx

The setting sun

I love you and I hate you

This I know is true

You left me slowly dying

Like so many have done before

I screamed your name

As you walked through the door

There is nothing left

Of the person I was before

You are one of many

Yet you have left your own scar

The chunk you ripped was the last

Of a girl that has passed

Her death was grieved by no one

The shell that remains of me

Looks at the setting sun

I find resolve in who I have become

But I will never forget what you have done

Nyx

Loneliness

I ask myself why

I can not be alone

Why does the pain hit

When I sit here in silence

Why does it go away

Only when someone is near

This is what I fear

That this loneliness

Will consume me

That the pain will never leave

Why does it have to hurt so much

Why won’t it go away

Why do I have to fight this pain

Every single day

Nyx

You are not alone

At this moment I feel so empty

Hollow inside

Sometimes I ask myself

Why I even tried

Why I thought that I could be happy

Why I thought I would find the door

The door that opens to another life

To a life without the pain

I can no longer endure

A life lived without the lack of love I long for

I will never be like everyone else

This I know is true

I will never see the world

The way that others do

I continue to suffer in silence

Reflecting to myself

I wonder if someone else could do better

With the deck I have in my hand

Then I realize this does not matter

Because I am one of the damned

I wish I did not feel this way

As I fight through another day

I just want everyone to know

To all of you who suffer in silence

You are not alone

Nyx