Will I find myself again

I wake up feeling this tension

It wraps around my heart

I wake up with good intention

But I feel this anxiety

It is there as soon as I wake

Can I get through this day

Without feeling my heart break

Can I get through this day

Feeling better at the end

Will I find myself again

Nyx

I do not walk alone

All this time I thought I was walking alone

I was wrong

There has always been a presence beside me

This presence that is trying to guide me

Guide me towards my purpose

Guide me towards peace

There is a purpose for this pain

I am reassured by this

In everything that I do

Sometimes I have to listen

Sometimes I have to see

Sometimes I have to feel

Sometimes it is just a thought

I always find the answer

I always find a way

Because my guide is beside me

Every single day

Nyx

Image source geckzilla on Flickr

In my skin

I wish that I could escape

From my own mind

But I am stuck here

With my thoughts

With my self hate

Every moment of every day

I hate being in my skin

Nyx

The Pit

I am alone again

My thoughts have slowed down

I slept and then woke up to sadness

Once again not knowing what to do

At least I have my furry companions

They lay beside me now

Taking away a little piece of the pain

That pulls the rest of me away

My will is broken

The sadness is too strong

It keeps me trapped here in the darkness

Wishing it will end

Wishing I will see the light again

No matter what I do

No matter what I say

No matter where I go

The sadness never goes away

It is like an endless pit

That nothing will ever fill

I can climb it and think I’m getting better

I can climb so high

Then I scream

Then I shout

But I fear I will never make it out

Nyx

There is a way out of hell

Darkness has reminded me of the agony

That sadness brings

I will feel euphoria

Until it all comes crashing down

This is when I feel him near me

This is when he brings the pain

He is my reminder of who I used to be

He is my reminder of the torment I have felt

He is my reminder that everyone walked away

But today I fight him because I must

I have to remind myself

That I have always gotten back up

Every time I fell

I have to remind myself

That there is a way out of hell

Nyx

New challenges

Today I wake up to new challenges

I am reminded of the uncertainty

That each day brings

And with each day a new dawn rises

Giving me the chance to start again

Giving me the energy to push myself forward

Because I either rise or fall

That decision is mine to make

With every step I do or do not take

Today I am taking a step

Because that is what I choose to do

Nyx

Hollow soul

The sadness hits me

As soon as I close the door

I feel the hate for myself

More than anything else

The hate, the shame, and my hollow soul

Nyx

Still drifting

I walk this world a wanderer

Drifting from here to there

It is hard to believe I am still breathing

But here I am still wandering the land

Some days I wish I was not me

Somedays I wish I was gone

Today I sit here, still breathing

Always fighting through the pain

Always fighting to hold on

I will remain as I have always been

A wanderer running away from sin

Running away from my shame

There is no one here to blame

I left them when I drifted

Along this path in life

I had to let them go

I had to say goodbye

I will never stop moving

There is no home for me

Wandering here then moving forward

This is who I was meant to be

Nyx

My home

Seconds pass into minutes

Minutes pass into hours

Hours pass into years

Will I ever really be ok

I have faced my fears

I have seen it all

There is nothing that anyone can do

To stop me today

Time is passing so quickly

Memories are fading away

What I have longed for

I have found

It is my place in this world

I am making my mark

I have been doused in water

But I still carry the spark

The will to save them

The others like me

I will let them see

That they are cared for

I will let them see

The strength I have inside of me

They have always been my home

They are my destiny

Nyx