Falling through the floor

Here I go again 

Falling through the floor 

Here I go again 

Walking out the door 

Here I go again 

Looking for comfort 

Here I go again 

Looking for an end 

Once again

Once again I feel myself drowning 

Once again I just want to scream 

I want to float away 

I want to live in a dream 

I wish I could escape this nightmare that is my life 

I wish I could escape the pain 

I want to stop pretending 

I want it all to stop 

I want to get away from you all

Before I dive 

Before I fall 

Clarity

When it feels like the world is crashing down

I look to the sky

I breathe in the air

I start to question why

Then I realize that sometimes there is no answer

Sometimes there are no reasons

Looking at the beauty of the world brings me peace

It shows me that there is so much more to life than I see

I am grateful for these moments of clarity

I am grateful that I have the ability to see beyond me

Nyx

Deflect

I used to dream of death

Those dreams where the best I ever had

An escape from the pain

An escape from this life

An escape from the gap in my mind

A gap that is thick and sharp like a knife

Then there was apathy

The numbness from the inside out

I drifted from here to there

There were no feelings and no doubt

Now all I do is deflect

Deflect the obstacles that continue to come

When I think I am finished with one

I realize I will never be done

I guess this is just the way life is meant to be

A constant battle

A constant fight to be free

Nyx

No certainty

There is no certainty in this life

People are here

Then they are gone

Happiness turns to sorrow

Sorrow turns to hate

Sometimes you catch onto something

Sometimes you catch it too late

Nyx

My land of make believe 

I feel this weight crushing me 

I can no longer breathe

I want to stay in my land of make believe 

Where everything is how I want it to be

I want to be with the one who loves me 

In a world we have created 

In a world we will remain 

Keeping my mind in this place 

Is the only thing that keeps me sane 

When I blink 

I listen as you breathe beside me

Trying to keep myself awake 

Telling myself I can do this without you

Knowing deep down that I cannot 

I listen as the cars pass below 

Staring out through the window 

Telling myself things will get better 

Knowing deep down that they won’t 

I see happiness beside me 

But when I blink it will be gone 

The irony of life is that 

When you are ready

It won’t let you move on 

Nyx 

Time for an end

It is hard to walk away 

Until I hear the things you say 

I used to think it was enough 

What is left of us 

Then I was not sure 

I started to look toward the door 

You held me under as I gulped for air 

You pushed me down 

Then you left me there 

Now I am on the outside 

Now I am looking in 

I have made up my mind 

It is time for this to end 

Nyx

Lies

Trust I have come to learn 

I will never find

The only one I can trust is me 

I will never again be blind 

I will never again be vulnerable 

I have had enough of the dishonesty 

I have had enough of everyone 

There is nothing more that I hate 

There is nothing that makes me sicker 

There is nothing more that I despise 

Than people telling me fucking lies 

Dead Inside

I wish I knew what was wrong with me

Sometimes I wish that I couldn’t see

I wish I was blind to everything

I wish I was blind to everyone

I just want to escape this life

I just want to be someone else

I don’t want to feel this pain anymore

I don’t want to feel anything at all

What is it that I am fighting for

Is it freedom, or is it something more

Maybe I will find the answer

Or maybe I will never get that far

I guess it doesn’t really matter

I am still locked inside a cage

With agony trapped inside

Mixed with sorrow and with rage

Here I am again, back and forth I go

I would love to feel peace for just a moment

I would love for my heart rate to slow

I give up on hopes and wishes

I give up on dreams today

I just want to lay here tonight

Dead inside as I wait for the sun to rise

 

Nyx