Dear God

Once again I long for death

Devastated and broken

By what I have spoken

To someone who cared about me

Sometimes I wonder if the pain will rip me apart

Sometimes I wonder if the pain will stop my heart

What would I be

If I was not me

Darkness and pain

Fire and anger that spreads

Underneath my chest

Is that all that I am

This thing that should not have been

This thing that suffers in the dark

Please someone help me

Please just take me away

Dear God please just kill me today

Nyx

Today

I’ve been avoiding the sunlight

I’ve been avoiding my life

I am so tired of many things

Most of all I am tired of myself

Tired of the shame

Tired of the pain

Tired of existing as I am

What is the point of life

If I am unable to live it

Why give me so much love

And then make it so hard to give it

I have to find some hope

Because I have lost it again

The pain is so extreme

The pain is too much

There has to be a reason

There has to be a way

To pull myself away from this darkness

Once again today

Nyx

Home

My heart springs open

Creaking loudly from being closed so long

Have I found my person

Have I found my home

Have I finally found the piece

Offering me my sweet release

Have I finally found the one

After so much darkness

Is he the sun

Nyx

Content

Feeling content is a gift

A break from sadness and pain

I am grateful for this feeling

I appreciate the lack of pain

I accept this gift

Nyx

Happily ever after

I try to cherish these moments

These moments of clarity

These moments when I feel ok

This fleeting time has come and gone

The hours and days go faster

All I can do is hope that some day

I will find my happily ever after

Nyx

This face

What have I become

Who was I before

I do not recognize

This face I see reflected at me

Maybe I am already

Everything I was meant to be

Nyx

Walk away

My perception sees wrong intention

Is my perception real

Is this sinking feeling justified

Take take take

That’s what I see

She takes takes takes

Until there is only a shell of me

I used to want to give

But sometimes giving is not enough

I realize today

That sometimes the only answer

Is to walk away

Nyx

Will I find myself again

I wake up feeling this tension

It wraps around my heart

I wake up with good intention

But I feel this anxiety

It is there as soon as I wake

Can I get through this day

Without feeling my heart break

Can I get through this day

Feeling better at the end

Will I find myself again

Nyx

I do not walk alone

All this time I thought I was walking alone

I was wrong

There has always been a presence beside me

This presence that is trying to guide me

Guide me towards my purpose

Guide me towards peace

There is a purpose for this pain

I am reassured by this

In everything that I do

Sometimes I have to listen

Sometimes I have to see

Sometimes I have to feel

Sometimes it is just a thought

I always find the answer

I always find a way

Because my guide is beside me

Every single day

Nyx

Image source geckzilla on Flickr