There is only rain

The loneliness

It cripples me

People only care

To some degree

I see this when they walk away

Because they always leave

Today there is no light

Today I cannot see

There is only darkness

There is only pain

There are no roses

There is only rain

The agony is always there

When I let myself feel

When I let myself care

Nyx

As I walk through the storm

He made me cry

Before I said goodbye 

There is no perfect mix 

No one who can see 

Who I really am 

Who I strive to be 

I exist and yet I do not 

All my life I have fought 

To find the balance that I need 

In order to push myself 

I need to believe 

That someday I will find 

The one thing that I need 

Someone beside me 

As I walk through the storm

Arms to embrace me 

When I need it the most

I will find you 

This I know is true 

I will not stop

Until I do 

Nyx

A heart of stone

My heart has hardened

Like a ball of stone

It sits inside my chest

As it beats it cracks and crumbles

A little more each day

This is what I need

A heart covered in stone

I need to find myself

Before I can go home

Nyx

Apathy

My heart pounds in my chest

Will I ever rest

Or will I continue to wander

Lost without a home

As people come and go

I feel so alone

All I can see

Are forks in the road ahead of me

All I can feel

Is complete apathy

I have no remorse

For the decisions I have made

I do not walk in the sun

I linger in the shade

This is who I am

Who I will forever be

This is what is left of me

Nyx

Is it all in my head ?

I feel the sadness as it starts to spread

Is there something wrong

Or is it all in my head

I do not know where I am going

All is feel is my world turning

In my chest I feel the pain

The ache that never goes away

I am lost beyond this world

Everyone goes

No one will stay

When I stop it hits me hard

Bruised and broken

Beaten and scarred

I have to shut it off

I have to leave this place

There is no solace here

I feel my heart

It begins to race

When I see that look

Upon your face

Nyx

You are not alone

The best poets

Are the most tortured souls

At least that is what I believe

The ones who suffer everyday

Longing for the pain to subside

Hoping that someday they find away

To feel the peace they seek everyday

In the meantime just know

That I hope you find that love you need

That I hope that you will find a way

To smile and laugh and feel no pain

To know that there is more to life

Than this thing that we each

Continue to fight

I just hope that

We realize

That we can find each other

That we all embrace the unknown

Knowing that we are not alone

Nyx

In the end

And in the end 

I stand alone 

My skin is made of leather 

My heart is shielded in stone 

This is the way I must be 

Because they all betray me 

Nyx 

Loneliness is what I fear

The pain

It comes and goes

Hits me in waves

Sometimes it lasts for hours

Sometimes it lasts for days

Until I shut it down

It is often soothed

By the sound of someone else

Or the sound of music

Playing in my head

Sometimes when the pain is gone

All I feel is dread

Loneliness is what I fear

Night after night

Year after year

I do not want to be alone

I want to find my home

Nyx

I will not stop

There is no rhyme or reason

For the way I feel

All that I can say

Is that the agony is real

It comes in waves

This feeling of despair

Sometimes it hits me hard

Then it is not there

This feeling slowly wears me down

As the days pass by

It wears me down so much

That all I can do is cry

As strong as I try to be

It never defeats the agony

But here I am once again

Pulling myself up

Making myself stand

It is all that I can do

It is all that I have ever done

I will not stop

Until I have won

Nyx

Treading water

Today I feel broken

As I push myself to do

What needs to be done

Once again relying on no one

Every turn leads to a wall

Before the foundation gives

Before I fall

I see the water below

It lies beneath as the ground gives way

I am treading water today

Nyx