There is only rain

The loneliness

It cripples me

People only care

To some degree

I see this when they walk away

Because they always leave

Today there is no light

Today I cannot see

There is only darkness

There is only pain

There are no roses

There is only rain

The agony is always there

When I let myself feel

When I let myself care

Nyx

Pandora’s box

I sit here numb

To everything around me

I feel the world cave in

As I look down at the water

I feel the apathy

As I make my choice

A choice I have made before

With every closing door

I take one last moment

To let myself feel the pain

It cuts so deep

I will never be the same

I look at the sky

Before I jump

Into the cold water below

This is where I belong

So this is where I go

When all is lost

I will take myself there

To Pandora’s box

Hoping for the darkness

Hoping for some peace

Hoping that this time

I do not come back

I just want the darkness

I just want to see the sky

I just want to see the sea

Then I want to die

Nyx

Into the abyss

I feel my body as it starts to shut down

In this moment I have no hope

I find no ground

I fall into the darkness

Into the abyss of my mind

I no longer care

I have no sense of time

I no longer hope

I no longer fear

All I do is sit here

Falling further down

Until I find the water

And let myself drown

 

To my readers and the people who care about my posts,

When I write, it is not always literal, it is not always about the present. Please do not interpret anything literally. I only say this, because I know that I have readers who think that what I write is always at this moment, and that is not the case. I will not always say when or where or how these poems come to me. I always appreciate everyones empathy, concern, and happiness when I post my poems. Please keep in mind that these posts are not always what they seem, they are not always literal, and they are definitely not always present day.  Please know that I appreciate everyone who enjoys my writing. I just think this needed to be said. To everyone who reads and supports my poems, I appreciate the hell out of you.   Peace and Love, Nyx 

Escape

Apathy is my friend

It is the only way I will survive

Disconnect or die

This is what I feel

I have known all along

That happiness isn’t real

Those moments of peace..

They never last

I am haunted by the present

I am haunted by the past

There is no escape

From the pain I feel inside

There is no escape from the memories

There is no escape from the lies

Everyone I have let in

Has thrown a brick at me

I feel myself as I sink

Below the beautiful sea

This is the only way

I will ever be free

Nyx

Who will stay beside me

I die a little more inside

Every single day

What will be left of me

Once my body starts to decay

Who will stay beside me

Who will take my hand

As the bones turn into ash

As time trickles out like sand

As the pain subsides

As I start to let go

Will there be someone there

As I stare out the window

Or will I leave this world alone

Nyx

The bridge

I see the bridge

So beautiful

So bright

It lights up the sky

On the darkest night

At my darkest hour

This is where I fall

Into Pandora’s box

There is no night

There is no day

This is where I rest

This is where I stay

Disclaimer

This is not a reflection of me, but a reflection of many who have suffered enough to take their own lives. Peace and love, Nyx

No one left

My world has changed again

Trying to find my home

Feeling so alone

The air sweeps me off my feet

I feel defeated, I just want to sleep

Where do you go

When you no longer know

Where you belong

No one sees me

As I fade away

There is no one watching

There is no one left

Nyx

Together we descend 

I watch as the skies fade into gray 

I am so tired of fighting alone 

This is just the way it has to be 

Alone I wonder into the abyss 

Darkness follows behind 

Playing his role in kind 

This I am ok with 

Because I know 

Darkness is part of my mind 

There is no joy without despair 

There is no light without darkness

There is no beginning without an end 

So I take darkness, I grab his hand 

Together we descend 

Nyx 

Strength

The heaviness wears me down

All I want is sleep

I fight through another day

Dreaming of an empire I will build

But I may not make it

Before my skin starts to decay

I may not make it

Before the lights fade

To the dimmest shade of grey

I try not to dream of tomorrow

I try not to dream of yesterday

But this leaves me with an emptiness inside

One that will not go away

I cannot fix these fractures

They have taken their own form and shape

They have sliced away my feelings

Until there is nothing left

Self-destructive thoughts

And the longing for the dark

This is what I see today

Yet, I have stood up

As I write these words to you

I just need the strength to stay awake

I just need the strength to find myself again

I just have to make it

I just have to stand

Nyx

The tears I have not shed 

For the arms I have not felt 

For the tears I have not shed 

For the loneliness your absence brings 

For the years of torment and pain 

I hope you got what you needed from me 

I hope what you stole was worth it to you

You created a monster that day 

The day you took my innocence away 

The day you pierced the knife in 

But never stuck it all the way through 

The moments I will never forget 

The things I never wanted to see 

You buried them in the ashes of my heart 

So easy to brush away and see 

Everything you did to me 

I hope that someday your heart burns 

I hope that someday you feel the pain

In the meantime

I will keep fighting every day 

In the meantime I will survive despite you 

Because that is the only thing 

That I can do 

Nyx