Dear God

Once again I long for death

Devastated and broken

By what I have spoken

To someone who cared about me

Sometimes I wonder if the pain will rip me apart

Sometimes I wonder if the pain will stop my heart

What would I be

If I was not me

Darkness and pain

Fire and anger that spreads

Underneath my chest

Is that all that I am

This thing that should not have been

This thing that suffers in the dark

Please someone help me

Please just take me away

Dear God please just kill me today

Nyx

Existing

I kind of want to die again

It’s been a little while

It’s very hard to be alive right now

Its very hard to exist as myself in this current state that I am in

Should I do something

Should I help others in some way

Or have I already said

All there is to say

Nyx

Addictions

Push him out

Let him in

Push him out

Let him in

Pain

Emptiness

More pain

I wish I could change

But I’ll probably just stay the same

I had a taste of my addiction

Now it’s gone

I just want to be dead

Nyx

Pray for peace

Up and down

Down and up

Why can’t they stay the same

These emotions

That I just cannot contain

It is a form of torture

I wish on no one

I do not know how to stop them

They come and then they go

This is what happens when I stop moving

This is when it happens the most

All I can do is pray for peace

And pray that it will change

Nyx

There is only rain

The loneliness

It cripples me

People only care

To some degree

I see this when they walk away

Because they always leave

Today there is no light

Today I cannot see

There is only darkness

There is only pain

There are no roses

There is only rain

The agony is always there

When I let myself feel

When I let myself care

Nyx

Pandora’s box

I sit here numb

To everything around me

I feel the world cave in

As I look down at the water

I feel the apathy

As I make my choice

A choice I have made before

With every closing door

I take one last moment

To let myself feel the pain

It cuts so deep

I will never be the same

I look at the sky

Before I jump

Into the cold water below

This is where I belong

So this is where I go

When all is lost

I will take myself there

To Pandora’s box

Hoping for the darkness

Hoping for some peace

Hoping that this time

I do not come back

I just want the darkness

I just want to see the sky

I just want to see the sea

Then I want to die

Nyx

Into the abyss

I feel my body as it starts to shut down

In this moment I have no hope

I find no ground

I fall into the darkness

Into the abyss of my mind

I no longer care

I have no sense of time

I no longer hope

I no longer fear

All I do is sit here

Falling further down

Until I find the water

And let myself drown

 

To my readers and the people who care about my posts,

When I write, it is not always literal, it is not always about the present. Please do not interpret anything literally. I only say this, because I know that I have readers who think that what I write is always at this moment, and that is not the case. I will not always say when or where or how these poems come to me. I always appreciate everyones empathy, concern, and happiness when I post my poems. Please keep in mind that these posts are not always what they seem, they are not always literal, and they are definitely not always present day.  Please know that I appreciate everyone who enjoys my writing. I just think this needed to be said. To everyone who reads and supports my poems, I appreciate the hell out of you.   Peace and Love, Nyx 

Escape

Apathy is my friend

It is the only way I will survive

Disconnect or die

This is what I feel

I have known all along

That happiness isn’t real

Those moments of peace..

They never last

I am haunted by the present

I am haunted by the past

There is no escape

From the pain I feel inside

There is no escape from the memories

There is no escape from the lies

Everyone I have let in

Has thrown a brick at me

I feel myself as I sink

Below the beautiful sea

This is the only way

I will ever be free

Nyx

Who will stay beside me

I die a little more inside

Every single day

What will be left of me

Once my body starts to decay

Who will stay beside me

Who will take my hand

As the bones turn into ash

As time trickles out like sand

As the pain subsides

As I start to let go

Will there be someone there

As I stare out the window

Or will I leave this world alone

Nyx

The bridge

I see the bridge

So beautiful

So bright

It lights up the sky

On the darkest night

At my darkest hour

This is where I fall

Into Pandora’s box

There is no night

There is no day

This is where I rest

This is where I stay

Disclaimer

This is not a reflection of me, but a reflection of many who have suffered enough to take their own lives. Peace and love, Nyx