Deflect

I used to dream of death

Those dreams where the best I ever had

An escape from the pain

An escape from this life

An escape from the gap in my mind

A gap that is thick and sharp like a knife

Then there was apathy

The numbness from the inside out

I drifted from here to there

There were no feelings and no doubt

Now all I do is deflect

Deflect the obstacles that continue to come

When I think I am finished with one

I realize I will never be done

I guess this is just the way life is meant to be

A constant battle

A constant fight to be free

Nyx

More than love

When you leave

You take half of me with you

I have to shut down

To ease the pain

The other half cannot exist

Without the part that keeps me sane

If I was not me

I wouldn’t believe

That this could exist

Only those who have felt it

Only those who could not resist

Could begin to understand

That what we have is not a laid out structure

It is breathable, bendable, and shapes like sand

What we have is beyond words, beyond opinions, beyond belief

What we have is more than love

You have become the light in my darkest hour

You have become the thunder before the rain

You are the silence when the world roars

You are the peace I feel when I need it most

You are my everything; that is what you are

No matter how close, no matter how far

This I know with all my heart is true

The only thing I will ever need in this life is you

Nyx

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Rain drops

I listen to the sound 

As I hear the rain drops

Fall to the ground 

I smell the dirt in the air 

How I long to be out there 

Turning around in the rain 

With my true love watching me 

This is where I long to be  

Nyx

Guiding light

She suffered in ways

That only he could see

As he watched her face challenges

In the dark

What he did not know

Was that his eyes were her stars

Her guiding light

In her darkest moments

He gave her sight

When she could not see

He gave her what she needed

He set her free

Nyx

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Brave the storm

“ Who is the happier man, he who braved the storm of life or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?” Hunter S. Thompson

Blurred words and voices

Everyone will judge my choices

Everyone will try to say

How I am supposed to live my life today

They become a blend of blurred words and voices

Telling me how to make my choices

But what they do not know

Is that they are blind

They have not lived my life

They have not watched the world stay still

As I wept, as I lost my will

They would walk away

The same as they have before

They would not hesitate as they step through the door

They will never understand who I am

They will never understand the choices that I make

My heart belongs to someone who does

Someone who has felt the same heartache

For the first time in my life I am not alone

I have finally found what I have always looked for

I have finally found my home

Nyx

 

The only exception

You are the only exception 

The only one I will let in

The only one who can see 

Every part of me

Everything that I am 

Everything that I am not 

You are what I have been looking for 

What I have always sought

What I never thought I would find 

What I never thought I could feel

That is what you are my love 

You are my only exception 

The only thing that matters 

The only thing that is real

Nyx

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I float away in dreams

I float away in dreams 

This is where I will stay

Trying to escape the pain 

This is where I will remain 

Sometimes it is easy to escape 

Sometimes it is not 

Finding peace 

Finding true happiness

Is all I have ever wanted

All I have ever sought 

With each breath I take 

I want to float away 

To a place where

Streams flow through the valley 

Flowers bloom so bright 

I follow the stream with no end in sight 

This is where I long to be 

Walking among the stream 

With peace in my heart 

Floating away in this beautiful place 

The one thing I can depend on 

The one thing that is mine 

Nyx

My Epitaph

And I walk this road alone

The road with branches along its path

I look back over my shoulder

And I see the writing on my epitaph…

Here lies a woman who fought until the end

Her life was lived to the fullest

Even though everything she did was unplanned

She was loved by many and will always be remembered

As a free spirit with good intentions

As a woman who fought like hell and never surrendered

Nyx

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She Ran

And she ran and she ran 

Leaving the world behind her 

Forgetting her worries 

Forgetting her fears 

Escaping her cries from the past 

Escaping the torment of so many years 

She pushes herself harder then she ever has before 

She knows that there is so much left to live for