fight

Today

/ Nyx / 4 Comments

I’ve been avoiding the sunlight

I’ve been avoiding my life

I am so tired of many things

Most of all I am tired of myself

Tired of the shame

Tired of the pain

Tired of existing as I am

What is the point of life

If I am unable to live it

Why give me so much love

And then make it so hard to give it

I have to find some hope

Because I have lost it again

The pain is so extreme

The pain is too much

There has to be a reason

There has to be a way

To pull myself away from this darkness

Once again today

Nyx

Walk away

/ Nyx / 1 Comment

My perception sees wrong intention

Is my perception real

Is this sinking feeling justified

Take take take

That’s what I see

She takes takes takes

Until there is only a shell of me

I used to want to give

But sometimes giving is not enough

I realize today

That sometimes the only answer

Is to walk away

Nyx

Never ending nothing

/ Nyx / 2 Comments

I am lost again today

I am just a hole

A black mass

Of never ending nothing

Never ending nothing

Nyx

I will not be consumed by darkness

/ Nyx / 2 Comments

Today I felt myself fall backward

Into the sadness and the pain

The longing to escape was so great

Even greater than my own self hate

Slowly I took myself away from the darkness

Because I had to

Instead of thinking of the sadness

Instead of thinking of the things I have lost

I thought of the things I do have

I thought of the things I have fought for

Sometimes it feels like I go back to the beginning

The beginning of a journey through hell

I just have to remind myself that I have already been there

I have already come this far

I have to say to myself this darkness

It is not who you are

Nyx

The rising sun

/ Nyx / 14 Comments

In the end I see

Clear blue skies await me

With every rising sun

As a new day has begun

I have hope in my heart 

Hope I did not have before

After every battle I have fought and won

Finally peace finds me with the dawn of this new sun

Nyx

Finding strength

/ Nyx / 7 Comments

More than I ever have

I have to find the strength

I have to believe

That I can be better

That I can live my life some day

Without the pain I felt before

With every decision I make

With everything that I have left to give

I rise today for you

For those who are as lost as me

I rise again because I must

I have to open the door

So everyone can see

That everyone deserves a chance

To live their lives with happiness

Nyx

Death and comfort

/ Nyx / 2 Comments

You are dead to me

Because that’s the way it needs to be

Get the hell away from me

Before I make you hurt

You don’t want to feel the way that I do

Just get the hell away from me

That’s all I ask of you

Nyx

My home

/ Nyx / 9 Comments

Seconds pass into minutes

Minutes pass into hours

Hours pass into years

Will I ever really be ok

I have faced my fears

I have seen it all

There is nothing that anyone can do

To stop me today

Time is passing so quickly

Memories are fading away

What I have longed for

I have found

It is my place in this world

I am making my mark

I have been doused in water

But I still carry the spark

The will to save them

The others like me

I will let them see

That they are cared for

I will let them see

The strength I have inside of me

They have always been my home

They are my destiny

Nyx

This is not the end

/ Nyx / 10 Comments

I have lived a lonely life

Many have come and gone

But Jack my dear you stood out

With all your smiles and your cheer

You became my friend

Within moments of meeting me

It was your actions, not your words

That showed me who you are

A beautiful soul who embraces life

You have walked your own path

Giving me great respect for you

Dear Jack, I believe you are not gone

You live on in my heart

You will live on in each of us

As we walk toward our separate paths

To different places in the world

You gave us another story

About a soul that was so beautiful, so bold

I am grateful to know you

You have reminded me that I am strong

I will keep fighting for both of us

Rest in peace my friend

But this is not the end

Nyx

 

Drifting

/ Nyx / 12 Comments

I used to think that love was the only way

To lead me to my home

But now I feel myself drifting slowly

I do not feel the pull

I have found a way

To walk this world alone

I still feel tinges of the pain

The scars still tear away

And the blood still bleeds through

But I have found a way

To stop searching for you

Nyx