Another scar

With you gone

I feel so lost

I had no idea

That such a short time

Could have such a cost

I fight through the pain

Trying to find myself again

Hoping I can make it through today

I know that harsh words create fractures

I had no idea how fast we would shatter

How quickly you would turn from me

As if I never mattered

Even though the pain is raw

At least I saw who you really are

Now I just carry another scar

Nyx

Until I slip away

You keep yourself

Just beyond my reach

When you are ready

You pull me down below

Drown me in water

Or you throw me sideways

Through the window

With all the shards of glass

And the water I cannot swallow

You torture me until I slip away

Nyx

No control

The panic hits me

Then I crash

I cannot control it

There is no turning back

It starts like a tidal wave

Rising and turning

My chest starts to pound

Then it starts burning

I breathe in the air

I listen for a sound

I feel the world close in around me

As the air leaves my lungs

I have no control

Today it has won

Nyx

The tears I have not shed 

For the arms I have not felt 

For the tears I have not shed 

For the loneliness your absence brings 

For the years of torment and pain 

I hope you got what you needed from me 

I hope what you stole was worth it to you

You created a monster that day 

The day you took my innocence away 

The day you pierced the knife in 

But never stuck it all the way through 

The moments I will never forget 

The things I never wanted to see 

You buried them in the ashes of my heart 

So easy to brush away and see 

Everything you did to me 

I hope that someday your heart burns 

I hope that someday you feel the pain

In the meantime

I will keep fighting every day 

In the meantime I will survive despite you 

Because that is the only thing 

That I can do 

Nyx 

No goodbyes 

I feel another piece break off 

It crumbles before it hits the ground 

How I wish there was nothing left 

How I long to cease to exist 

The pain it cuts so deep 

I will never find the peace I seek 

I just want to fade away 

No more sorrow 

No more pain 

Please just take it all

Strike me down and end it

I just want it all to stop 

No goodbyes 

No final thought 

I just want it to stop 

Nyx

Lost in the dark 

I am lost in the dark 

Running so far 

It’s never fast enough 

To forget what I have seen 

Never fast enough 

To forget who I thought you were 

I thought that I would be true to you 

No matter what you do 

I was wrong 

Nyx 

 

The clouds are closing in

Trying to push through today

But the clouds are closing in

They are there to remind me

That darkness hovers

It still exists within

Just beyond my currents thoughts

The darkness seeps through

I feel the pain as it starts to burn

Then I close my eyes and see

All the things I have seen before

And what is in front of me

The path is still there

It breaks off here again

Asking me if I want to go back

To my land of pretend

Nyx

When my soul is gone 

Sometimes despair drags me down 

Through this haze of memories 

Through years of turmoil 

My body sinks 

Until it is anchored down 

Then the rooms fills with water 

As I lay chained to the ground 

Once again I gulp for air 

Until I can no longer breathe 

This is when the emptiness comes 

This is when my soul is gone 

Nyx

Ripped apart

Live and learn they say 

Why do we have to learn

By being ripped apart

Where does the pain end 

When does this learning start 

I do not believe these words are true 

Each piece that is pulled from me 

Is another piece gone 

I was always this strong 

What I have learned is how not to fear 

But this was after being beat down 

Year after year 

Losing everything 

Again and again 

Falling further and faster 

With no where to land 

Being pushed down

Until I could not stand 

Having my head pushed under 

Until I was swallowing water 

This has made me fearless 

A monster you see 

Do you think I would be someone else

If this did not happen to me 

No I would still be me 

Nyx