Dark thoughts

When I sit still

Some times the pain is just too much

I do not know what to do

I no longer have words to say

The pain hits me

Every single day

I do not want to think

I do not want to cry

All I want to do

Is say goodbye

Nyx

Breathe

Today I have fallen

Into my darkest hour

I know longer want to be me

The pain is so great

It tears me apart

Yet here I remain

Waiting for it to stop

Waiting to become numb

I can no longer bear it

This pain I feel inside

I have lost my hope

I have lost my dream

In this moment

All I can do is breathe

Nyx

All I need

I thought I was lost before

That was before I opened the door

There is no foundation

There is no ground

I have been looking

But I have not found

That hand to catch me

As I free float in the air

All I want is someone to love me

All I need is someone to care

Nyx

No one

I feel the ice

Pressed against my skin

I feel the air compress

As my chest caves in

I hear myself

As I gasp for air

There is no one there

Nyx

Pandora’s box

I sit here numb

To everything around me

I feel the world cave in

As I look down at the water

I feel the apathy

As I make my choice

A choice I have made before

With every closing door

I take one last moment

To let myself feel the pain

It cuts so deep

I will never be the same

I look at the sky

Before I jump

Into the cold water below

This is where I belong

So this is where I go

When all is lost

I will take myself there

To Pandora’s box

Hoping for the darkness

Hoping for some peace

Hoping that this time

I do not come back

I just want the darkness

I just want to see the sky

I just want to see the sea

Then I want to die

Nyx

Into the abyss

I feel my body as it starts to shut down

In this moment I have no hope

I find no ground

I fall into the darkness

Into the abyss of my mind

I no longer care

I have no sense of time

I no longer hope

I no longer fear

All I do is sit here

Falling further down

Until I find the water

And let myself drown

 

To my readers and the people who care about my posts,

When I write, it is not always literal, it is not always about the present. Please do not interpret anything literally. I only say this, because I know that I have readers who think that what I write is always at this moment, and that is not the case. I will not always say when or where or how these poems come to me. I always appreciate everyones empathy, concern, and happiness when I post my poems. Please keep in mind that these posts are not always what they seem, they are not always literal, and they are definitely not always present day.  Please know that I appreciate everyone who enjoys my writing. I just think this needed to be said. To everyone who reads and supports my poems, I appreciate the hell out of you.   Peace and Love, Nyx 

Depression

Today I feel so hollow

The depression it hits me hard

There is no thought

There is no action

That makes me feel this way

It is just a feeling that I live with

Every single day

Sometimes I forget

Until I sit still

Then I realize that this depression

It is real

There is no rhyme or reason

For the way I feel

I sit here alone in silence

Hoping this feeling will end

This is when I try to escape

This is when I pretend

Nyx

Disclaimer: When I write, it is not always literal, it is not always about the present. Please do not interpret anything literally. I only say this, because I know that I have readers who think that what I write is always at this moment, and that is not the case. I will not always say when or where or how these poems come to me. I always appreciate everyones empathy, concern, and happiness when I post my poems. Please keep in mind that these posts are not always what they seem, they are not always literal, and they are definitely not always present day.  Please know that I appreciate everyone who enjoys my writing, I just think this needed to be said. To everyone who reads and supports my poems, I appreciate the hell out of you. 

Heart of stone

My heart has hardened

Like a ball of stone

It sits inside my chest

As it beats it cracks and crumbles

A little more each day

This is what I need

A heart covered in stone

I need to find myself

Before I can go home

Nyx

Escape

Apathy is my friend

It is the only way I will survive

Disconnect or die

This is what I feel

I have known all along

That happiness isn’t real

Those moments of peace..

They never last

I am haunted by the present

I am haunted by the past

There is no escape

From the pain I feel inside

There is no escape from the memories

There is no escape from the lies

Everyone I have let in

Has thrown a brick at me

I feel myself as I sink

Below the beautiful sea

This is the only way

I will ever be free

Nyx