Yearning for peace

Once again I feel my chest cave in

I feel my head ache 

I long for an escape 

I long for peace from this life 

I long to escape today 

Go somewhere far away 

Sometimes I dream of being someone else 

Ignorant to the world around me 

I do not want to be aware of the things I see

I just want to feel no pain 

I want to know that I am sane 

But here I sit the same as before 

In pain yearning for peace once more 
Nyx

Float away 

I feel my skin burn within 

I feel my heart shatter 

I cannot help but ask myself 

Why does anything matter 

I try to make it through each day 

I try to hold my head high

I show a smile upon my face 

A smile that isn’t real 

All I want is peace from this life 

I no longer want to feel 

I wish that I was ignorant to everything 

I wish that I was ignorant to everyone 

I wish that I was dumb 

What I wish for the most is 

The ability to stay numb 

To be lost to this world forever 

To float away in the sky 

To say, so long and farewell 

Just to say goodbye 
Nyx

As my heart peels away

I watch as the sun rises 

I watch as the sun sets 

I can not help but wonder 

Is this as good as it gets 

These moments here and there 

These moments when I find my way 

These moments when I write to you 

When I show you the way 

I wear my heart on the outside 

I do not hide it within 

This is why I am so damaged 

Because we live in a world 

Plagued by sin 

This is when I feel the pain 

When I think of all the loss 

When I think of what they have gained 

This is when I lose the hope 

That my heart will stay full 

That my true nature will remain 

With everything I lose 

With everything they gain 

Some days I feel myself slip 

Into something else 

Into a creature fighting to live 

Into a creature with nothing left to give 

Sick and tired of the evil of man 

Sick of fighting for everything that I am 

It is so hard to keep hope in my heart 

When everyone takes a strip 

Tearing it apart 

There are a few pieces left of me 

Still out there for the world to see 

My weakness is known 

My honesty is shown 

My layers of beauty hide the scars 

They hide the peeled back strips 

They hide the darkness 

The darkness that is starting to show

I fear I will never stop fighting 

I fear I will never stop feeling 

These strips they just keep peeling

I fear one day there will be nothing left 

I fear that even the shell of who I was 

Will wither away and just be gone 

I wonder at this moment 

If my soul will let me move on 

Nyx

Remember

I exist as a shell

My soul in eternal hell

The pain is too much

So I shut it all away

Lost again today

Lost my will to live

I did the best I could

I tried to distract

I tried to talk it through

I tried to push away from myself

Before I slammed the knife through

Yet here I am

Bleeding on the inside

Not bleeding out

I am grateful and yet I am not

For the battles I have fought and won

I fight for strength but today I have gone numb

Succumb to the pain I can no longer endure

All I can do is remember what I fight for

 

Nyx

Away from the light

At this moment all I yearn for is death 

All I yearn for is peace 

Peace from the darkness that haunts me 

Peace from the pain

What I would not give for eternal rest 

To not wake up tomorrow 

To not have to pretend 

To just say good bye to yesterday 

And cease to exist today 

All is do is float past you

In this shadow of forgotten dreams 

Where cob webs have formed 

And cracks run through the floor 

The only thing that is solid is the tomb 

This slab of concrete before me 

Closing me in the dark 

The air is pushed out of me 

As the darkness blows out the light 

At this moment my will is gone 

Today I submit to my friend Darkness

He has come for me 

I let him take my hand as we descend 

Further away from the light 

Darkness is my only friend tonight 
Nyx

Help

I feel my body weighed down 

It is so hard to walk 

It is so hard to breathe 

This weight it crushes me 

Weighs me down from the outside in 

At this moment I feel nothing 

I am just pushed down by it all 

Gulping for air 

With no cry for help 

No way to swim 

No way to shout 

This is when I give in 

I long for peace

I sit here and I dream 

About a life without the pain 

On the inside I just scream 

In my chest it is always the same 

The pain stabs through my heart 

It tears right through my soul 

Taking everything that I am 

Until I lose control 

My mind shuts down 

My stomach turns 

As I grow more weary

I am sick of the dark 

I am sick of the dread 

I do not have voices in my head 

I do not have demons clawing at me 

What I have is only 

Complete and total agony 

On the inside I scream 

With each heartbeat 

With each breath 

I long for peace 

I long for rest 
Nyx

Darkness follows continued…

Darkness will follow me wherever I go 

In the end everyone goes away 

Darkness tells me so

Darkness is not my enemy 

He is my reality

I try to push him aside 

But he always finds a way

He inflicts the pain 

He sees my weakness 

He sees my shame 

He knows the apathy is a mask 

He knows what lies beneath 

He is set on his task 

He will follow me into eternal rest 

Because he is the best 

Because he is part of me 

He knows who I really am 

A damaged twisted thing 

With nowhere to stand 

Nyx

Free Fall #2 

Sometimes I wonder if I am being tested 

To see just how much I can take 

Sometimes I just do not understand 

Why I never seem to land 

It is just a constant free fall

Never ending emptiness

My feet never find the ground 

All I feel is everything pushing me down 

What I would not give for some sand 

What I would not give for someone to take my hand 

Take away the burden 

Grab me from the sky 

Place me down and give me a place to lie 

Maybe someday I will find a way 

To grab a hand to hold 

To really trust in someone else completely 

That day is not today 
Nyx