Once again I feel my chest cave in
I feel my head ache
I long for an escape
I long for peace from this life
I long to escape today
Go somewhere far away
Sometimes I dream of being someone else
Ignorant to the world around me
I do not want to be aware of the things I see
I just want to feel no pain
I want to know that I am sane
But here I sit the same as before
In pain yearning for peace once more
Nyx
I feel my skin burn within
I feel my heart shatter
I cannot help but ask myself
Why does anything matter
I try to make it through each day
I try to hold my head high
I show a smile upon my face
A smile that isn’t real
All I want is peace from this life
I no longer want to feel
I wish that I was ignorant to everything
I wish that I was ignorant to everyone
I wish that I was dumb
What I wish for the most is
The ability to stay numb
To be lost to this world forever
To float away in the sky
To say, so long and farewell
Just to say goodbye
Nyx
I watch as the sun rises
I watch as the sun sets
I can not help but wonder
Is this as good as it gets
These moments here and there
These moments when I find my way
These moments when I write to you
When I show you the way
I wear my heart on the outside
I do not hide it within
This is why I am so damaged
Because we live in a world
Plagued by sin
This is when I feel the pain
When I think of all the loss
When I think of what they have gained
This is when I lose the hope
That my heart will stay full
That my true nature will remain
With everything I lose
With everything they gain
Some days I feel myself slip
Into something else
Into a creature fighting to live
Into a creature with nothing left to give
Sick and tired of the evil of man
Sick of fighting for everything that I am
It is so hard to keep hope in my heart
When everyone takes a strip
Tearing it apart
There are a few pieces left of me
Still out there for the world to see
My weakness is known
My honesty is shown
My layers of beauty hide the scars
They hide the peeled back strips
They hide the darkness
The darkness that is starting to show
I fear I will never stop fighting
I fear I will never stop feeling
These strips they just keep peeling
I fear one day there will be nothing left
I fear that even the shell of who I was
Will wither away and just be gone
I wonder at this moment
If my soul will let me move on
Nyx
I exist as a shell
My soul in eternal hell
The pain is too much
So I shut it all away
Lost again today
Lost my will to live
I did the best I could
I tried to distract
I tried to talk it through
I tried to push away from myself
Before I slammed the knife through
Yet here I am
Bleeding on the inside
Not bleeding out
I am grateful and yet I am not
For the battles I have fought and won
I fight for strength but today I have gone numb
Succumb to the pain I can no longer endure
All I can do is remember what I fight for
Nyx
At this moment all I yearn for is death
All I yearn for is peace
Peace from the darkness that haunts me
Peace from the pain
What I would not give for eternal rest
To not wake up tomorrow
To not have to pretend
To just say good bye to yesterday
And cease to exist today
All is do is float past you
In this shadow of forgotten dreams
Where cob webs have formed
And cracks run through the floor
The only thing that is solid is the tomb
This slab of concrete before me
Closing me in the dark
The air is pushed out of me
As the darkness blows out the light
At this moment my will is gone
Today I submit to my friend Darkness
He has come for me
I let him take my hand as we descend
Further away from the light
Darkness is my only friend tonight
Nyx
I feel my body weighed down
It is so hard to walk
It is so hard to breathe
This weight it crushes me
Weighs me down from the outside in
At this moment I feel nothing
I am just pushed down by it all
Gulping for air
With no cry for help
No way to swim
No way to shout
This is when I give in
No one will find me
No one will see
What I leave behind
When I am gone
No one will see
What is left of me
Nyx
I sit here and I dream
About a life without the pain
On the inside I just scream
In my chest it is always the same
The pain stabs through my heart
It tears right through my soul
Taking everything that I am
Until I lose control
My mind shuts down
My stomach turns
As I grow more weary
I am sick of the dark
I am sick of the dread
I do not have voices in my head
I do not have demons clawing at me
What I have is only
Complete and total agony
On the inside I scream
With each heartbeat
With each breath
I long for peace
I long for rest
Nyx
Darkness will follow me wherever I go
In the end everyone goes away
Darkness tells me so
Darkness is not my enemy
He is my reality
I try to push him aside
But he always finds a way
He inflicts the pain
He sees my weakness
He sees my shame
He knows the apathy is a mask
He knows what lies beneath
He is set on his task
He will follow me into eternal rest
Because he is the best
Because he is part of me
He knows who I really am
A damaged twisted thing
With nowhere to stand
Nyx
Sometimes I wonder if I am being tested
To see just how much I can take
Sometimes I just do not understand
Why I never seem to land
It is just a constant free fall
Never ending emptiness
My feet never find the ground
All I feel is everything pushing me down
What I would not give for some sand
What I would not give for someone to take my hand
Take away the burden
Grab me from the sky
Place me down and give me a place to lie
Maybe someday I will find a way
To grab a hand to hold
To really trust in someone else completely
That day is not today
Nyx
