Loneliness is what I fear

The pain

It comes and goes

Hits me in waves

Sometimes it lasts for hours

Sometimes it lasts for days

Until I shut it down

It is often soothed

By the sound of someone else

Or the sound of music

Playing in my head

Sometimes when the pain is gone

All I feel is dread

Loneliness is what I fear

Night after night

Year after year

I do not want to be alone

I want to find my home

Nyx

Cold and still

I am lost

Dead inside

I am no one

I am nothing

I do not see the sun

I do not see the sky

I know longer feel the pain

Nothing is the same

My feet no longer move

I lay here cold and still

I have lost my will

Nyx

Inside the flame

All that was left of her

Were ashes in the breeze

She fell to her knees

But no one heard her cries

No one heard her pleas

She slowly burned away

The pain was too great

She could no longer stay

She told herself to let go

To let the fire blaze inside

Then she felt her heart slow

Amongst the fire

Inside the flame

She let herself die

Nyx

Broken

I am always reminded

Of the uncertainty in this life

Of the things that I have lost

Of the cruelty

Of the ones who look away

And the ones who do not stay

I am left a wanderer

Lost in this world

Yet driven to be more than what I am

Pushing myself every day to stand

Sometimes the pain grips me so hard

I feel myself slowly

Being torn apart

I try never to forget

What it is I fight for

I try not to forget

What it felt like

When I walked out the door

I no longer know who I am

I no longer know who I was before

I sit here broken

Longing for something I will never get

The pain it lingers

But it has not defeated me yet

Nyx

Loneliness

I ask myself why

I can not be alone

Why does the pain hit

When I sit here in silence

Why does it go away

Only when someone is near

This is what I fear

That this loneliness

Will consume me

That the pain will never leave

Why does it have to hurt so much

Why won’t it go away

Why do I have to fight this pain

Every single day

Nyx

No one

I feel the sadness

It is coming on

I do not know why

I do not know how to fix it

All I want to do is cry

I am not as strong

As I want to be

Because I can not live

Without someone beside me

This makes me weak

This person that I seek

I just want to be strong

I just want to move on

Alone with no one

Nyx

You are not alone

At this moment I feel so empty

Hollow inside

Sometimes I ask myself

Why I even tried

Why I thought that I could be happy

Why I thought I would find the door

The door that opens to another life

To a life without the pain

I can no longer endure

A life lived without the lack of love I long for

I will never be like everyone else

This I know is true

I will never see the world

The way that others do

I continue to suffer in silence

Reflecting to myself

I wonder if someone else could do better

With the deck I have in my hand

Then I realize this does not matter

Because I am one of the damned

I wish I did not feel this way

As I fight through another day

I just want everyone to know

To all of you who suffer in silence

You are not alone

Nyx

Underneath the darkness

It is so hard

To force myself forward

I just do not care right now

I feel my dreams slip away

Every moment

Every day

I just feel beaten

Broken down

All I want is someone there

To accept me as I am

It is so hard to get up today

It is so hard to find the ground

I am lost underneath

This shroud of darkness

I have lost my will today

I have lost myself

I just want to slip away

And become someone else

I cannot change who I am

But I have to move

I have to stand

Nyx

Dark thoughts

When I sit still

Some times the pain is just too much

I do not know what to do

I no longer have words to say

The pain hits me

Every single day

I do not want to think

I do not want to cry

All I want to do

Is say goodbye

Nyx

Breathe

Today I have fallen

Into my darkest hour

I know longer want to be me

The pain is so great

It tears me apart

Yet here I remain

Waiting for it to stop

Waiting to become numb

I can no longer bear it

This pain I feel inside

I have lost my hope

I have lost my dream

In this moment

All I can do is breathe

Nyx