I listen as the world moves around me
Self hate is boiling inside
Bubbling over into reality
Nyx
Dark Poetry
Embrace the darkness
Once again I embrace the darkness
As alone as I have always been
He is the only comfort I know
The only one who never leaves
I hear the world outside
A world I do not belong in
I belong with darkness
He never lets me down
I sit here waiting
Knowing he will come someday
He will come and take all this pain away
Nyx
A bird with a broken wing
I had to let you go
That short lived feeling
Has long passed
I need to find a way
To be ok today
I need to find a way
To stop the pain again
What the hell do I do
When all I want is to escape
To feel something else
Besides this eternal heartache
I know longer care
If I win or lose
I know longer know
Who I even am
All I have ever done
Is fight to want to live
Without this dream I have
There is nothing left to give
A wanderer is what I am
A warrior as well
I hold my shield up
But my arms they grow weary
And sometimes I take a hit
When I let the shield fall
This is when you see it all
The pain is on my face
The plastered pieces start to crumple
And the fissures and scars all show
This is what I am
A scarred and broken thing
Like a beautiful bird
With a broken wing
I cannot sing
I cannot fly
The truth is that every day
What I long for
Is to simply die
I try to see the beauty in the world
I try to look toward the sky
I try to ask myself questions
I start to wonder why
Peace has not found me
This is when I cry
Nyx
I wrote this poem back in 2018. This poem is my favorite because it is a clear view to my soul. This is how I truly see myself.
Blood of my blood
I had to let you go again
Blood of my blood
Torn from me you will always be
By no fault of yours
Just the choice to love one of the destroyers of my life
A destroyer I will never forgive
A monster only I can see
Who cradles you in her arms
Nyx
Reality
Today I wanted to stay in my dreams
There was no pain or hardship there
I didn’t want to wake up to this reality
The reality of the loneliness in my life
The reality of the skin I live in
The reality of the shame I feel
I wish it all wasn’t real
Nyx
Seconds that speed away
I just want to escape
Leave this pain behind
Leave this world behind
The sadness has passed
Now I am numb
Dead inside
Staying where no one can see me
Aware of how quickly the seconds go
Aware that soon my time will be over
This time that continues to speed away
All I can do is hope
That pain does not follow me after this life
Nyx
Disgust
My body feels foreign
It disgusts me
Will I ever love myself
Will I ever find a way
To not hate myself again today
Nyx
Restless
I cannot sleep tonight
I lay here in the dark
Restless in this skin
I try to be present
But I never really am
Nyx
In my skin
I wish that I could escape
From my own mind
But I am stuck here
With my thoughts
With my self hate
Every moment of every day
I hate being in my skin
Nyx
The Pit
I am alone again
My thoughts have slowed down
I slept and then woke up to sadness
Once again not knowing what to do
At least I have my furry companions
They lay beside me now
Taking away a little piece of the pain
That pulls the rest of me away
My will is broken
The sadness is too strong
It keeps me trapped here in the darkness
Wishing it will end
Wishing I will see the light again
No matter what I do
No matter what I say
No matter where I go
The sadness never goes away
It is like an endless pit
That nothing will ever fill
I can climb it and think I’m getting better
I can climb so high
Then I scream
Then I shout
But I fear I will never make it out
Nyx
