The pain
It comes and goes
Hits me in waves
Sometimes it lasts for hours
Sometimes it lasts for days
Until I shut it down
It is often soothed
By the sound of someone else
Or the sound of music
Playing in my head
Sometimes when the pain is gone
All I feel is dread
Loneliness is what I fear
Night after night
Year after year
I do not want to be alone
I want to find my home
Nyx
I am lost
Dead inside
I am no one
I am nothing
I do not see the sun
I do not see the sky
I know longer feel the pain
Nothing is the same
My feet no longer move
I lay here cold and still
I have lost my will
Nyx
All that was left of her
Were ashes in the breeze
She fell to her knees
But no one heard her cries
No one heard her pleas
She slowly burned away
The pain was too great
She could no longer stay
She told herself to let go
To let the fire blaze inside
Then she felt her heart slow
Amongst the fire
Inside the flame
She let herself die
Nyx
I am always reminded
Of the uncertainty in this life
Of the things that I have lost
Of the cruelty
Of the ones who look away
And the ones who do not stay
I am left a wanderer
Lost in this world
Yet driven to be more than what I am
Pushing myself every day to stand
Sometimes the pain grips me so hard
I feel myself slowly
Being torn apart
I try never to forget
What it is I fight for
I try not to forget
What it felt like
When I walked out the door
I no longer know who I am
I no longer know who I was before
I sit here broken
Longing for something I will never get
The pain it lingers
But it has not defeated me yet
Nyx
I ask myself why
I can not be alone
Why does the pain hit
When I sit here in silence
Why does it go away
Only when someone is near
This is what I fear
That this loneliness
Will consume me
That the pain will never leave
Why does it have to hurt so much
Why won’t it go away
Why do I have to fight this pain
Every single day
Nyx
I feel the sadness
It is coming on
I do not know why
I do not know how to fix it
All I want to do is cry
I am not as strong
As I want to be
Because I can not live
Without someone beside me
This makes me weak
This person that I seek
I just want to be strong
I just want to move on
Alone with no one
Nyx
At this moment I feel so empty
Hollow inside
Sometimes I ask myself
Why I even tried
Why I thought that I could be happy
Why I thought I would find the door
The door that opens to another life
To a life without the pain
I can no longer endure
A life lived without the lack of love I long for
I will never be like everyone else
This I know is true
I will never see the world
The way that others do
I continue to suffer in silence
Reflecting to myself
I wonder if someone else could do better
With the deck I have in my hand
Then I realize this does not matter
Because I am one of the damned
I wish I did not feel this way
As I fight through another day
I just want everyone to know
To all of you who suffer in silence
You are not alone
Nyx
It is so hard
To force myself forward
I just do not care right now
I feel my dreams slip away
Every moment
Every day
I just feel beaten
Broken down
All I want is someone there
To accept me as I am
It is so hard to get up today
It is so hard to find the ground
I am lost underneath
This shroud of darkness
I have lost my will today
I have lost myself
I just want to slip away
And become someone else
I cannot change who I am
But I have to move
I have to stand
Nyx
When I sit still
Some times the pain is just too much
I do not know what to do
I no longer have words to say
The pain hits me
Every single day
I do not want to think
I do not want to cry
All I want to do
Is say goodbye
Nyx
Today I have fallen
Into my darkest hour
I know longer want to be me
The pain is so great
It tears me apart
Yet here I remain
Waiting for it to stop
Waiting to become numb
I can no longer bear it
This pain I feel inside
I have lost my hope
I have lost my dream
In this moment
All I can do is breathe
Nyx
