Dear God

Once again I long for death

Devastated and broken

By what I have spoken

To someone who cared about me

Sometimes I wonder if the pain will rip me apart

Sometimes I wonder if the pain will stop my heart

What would I be

If I was not me

Darkness and pain

Fire and anger that spreads

Underneath my chest

Is that all that I am

This thing that should not have been

This thing that suffers in the dark

Please someone help me

Please just take me away

Dear God please just kill me today

Nyx

Today

I’ve been avoiding the sunlight

I’ve been avoiding my life

I am so tired of many things

Most of all I am tired of myself

Tired of the shame

Tired of the pain

Tired of existing as I am

What is the point of life

If I am unable to live it

Why give me so much love

And then make it so hard to give it

I have to find some hope

Because I have lost it again

The pain is so extreme

The pain is too much

There has to be a reason

There has to be a way

To pull myself away from this darkness

Once again today

Nyx

Trapped in hell

I hear the gate slam

As I fall into the flames

All I feel is emptiness and pain

I lie in the darkness

No longer wanting to exist in this world

With the gate slammed shut

I find my resolve

I have accepted my fate

I can not save myself

From my own mind

I just want to feel the flames

For the last time

Nyx

Rise

Only from the ashes of who we were

Can we rise up to become who we were meant to be

Nyx

Addictions

Push him out

Let him in

Push him out

Let him in

Pain

Emptiness

More pain

I wish I could change

But I’ll probably just stay the same

I had a taste of my addiction

Now it’s gone

I just want to be dead

Nyx

Tick tock

I hear the tick

Of each moment in time

It comforts me

I know that with each tick I come closer to my end

I can’t wait for that last tick

Tick tock

Nyx

Alien

I feel empty

Alone and guarded

Tired of the pain

The others always bring

I often feel

That I am an alien in this world

That I will never really belong here

My smile

My words

I fool you all

I have never been human

I am something else

And I am still here

Every day I wake

Indifferent to each breath I take

Maybe someday the emptiness will fill

Until then here I am

An alien that walks on land

Nyx

Solace in the dark

Sitting in the dark

Crying again

Letting go of another person

Another strip of my heart is gone

The pain is so great

That I have to shut down

If I didn’t I would break completely

There is no coming back from this

There is no way to change it

I’m still here breathing

Enduring it all

I feel comfort in this time

I have found solitude

I have found solace in the darkness

It is where I belong

There is no human for me

There never will be

Nyx

False hope

I can have this hope

That someday I will write to you

And for longer than a few moments

A few precious hours I will not suffer

That hope dies a little more

Every single day

Today is another day

That a piece of me has been stripped away

Left to burn in the flames

Again all I feel right now is pain

Nyx