I feel my heart stop beating
I feel myself break in half
Why am I always left here
Alone in this place
How many demons must I conquer
To forget your face
You have destroyed
Only to recreate
It is too late to change
This monster that you made
I try to dream
I try to float away
Instead I scream
As I drown on the inside
Remembering all the lies
I try to live in this moment
But this moment does not last
What I would not give
To be able to erase the past
Nyx
Each day I rise with hope
Some days it lasts
Some days it does not
Today I hope I find the peace that I seek
I hope that in a few hours
I do not feel weak
I hope that deep inside I keep
Some form of strength left
Because I feel beaten down
I feel so weary
Right now everything I see is dark
Everything is dreary
Each day seems the same as the last
Constantly fighting the past
I live as this broken person
With a smile plastered on my face
On the inside all I feel is disgrace
Everyday to me is exactly the same
This monotonous life of pain
I will try to escape from the pain today
Let’s see if I succeed
Nyx
I have moments of peace
They do not last long
Then I feel the pain
As I try to sing along
Sometimes words may help me
Sometimes they do not
All I know for sure
Is peace is all I have ever sought
No matter how much I have cried
No matter how much I have fought
I have yet to find it
Maybe someday I will
Maybe someday the earth will stay still
Just maybe I will find the one
To make me feel safe from it all
To protect me from harm
Maybe he will grab my hand
Before I hit the ground
At this moment I have no hope
All I do today is
Find the strength to go on
Find the strength to cope
This loneliness will stay
It must be my eternal debt to pay
I guess I just have to except it
This is just the way it is
I have lost all hope
That someday I will truly be his
Nyx
When I reflect
When I stop
When I think about
Where I come from
All I feel is pain
An agony so piercing
An agony so deep
It is all consuming
This agony I feel
What I wouldn’t give
For it not to be real
These images of my past
And all the pain that they bring
Thankfully they do not last
Because I shut them away
This is how I survive
This is how I breathe today
Nyx
At this moment I trust no one
At this moment my hope in others is gone
I feel no joy in the company that I keep
My heart has been ripped open
By all of the promises that have been broken
I shed no more tears today
I have said all there is to say
I have lost something I once had
I no longer have the ability to retain an emotion
I don’t even know what sadness feels like anymore
All I know is agony
Then I feel the apathy
Then I feel the rage
This is all I have left
Nyx
Once again I feel my chest cave in
I feel my head ache
I long for an escape
I long for peace from this life
I long to escape today
Go somewhere far away
Sometimes I dream of being someone else
Ignorant to the world around me
I do not want to be aware of the things I see
I just want to feel no pain
I want to know that I am sane
But here I sit the same as before
In pain yearning for peace once more
Nyx
Sometimes I think that I am beaten
Sometimes I think that I am done
That is when I stop and remember
Everything that you have done
These actions drive me forward
These memories that you made
You were the one I trusted
My life was in your hands
Everything I did to make you proud of me
Everything I did I wanted you to see
I was your daughter
I was the one you were supposed to protect
Instead all you did was lie to me
Confuse me with truths mixed with lies
Until all I wanted was to escape you
Everything I have done
Is a result of what you did
Everything I do
Is a fight to beat you
You are the reason I am who I am
Yet you are the reason I still breathe
You are the reason I stand
Well dear father someday you will see
What you created
What you made
Someday you will see
That you will never beat me
I may be bruised
My bones may break
I may wake up everyday and suffer
From eternal heartache
But when all is lost I see what you have done
This is what drives me forward
This is what makes me carry on
I will fight for those born to suffer
What you have put me through
I will fight through the pain
I will fight because I have no choice
There was no turning back when I broke the silence
There was no turning back when I used my voice
Nyx
At this moment all I yearn for is death
All I yearn for is peace
Peace from the darkness that haunts me
Peace from the pain
What I would not give for eternal rest
To not wake up tomorrow
To not have to pretend
To just say good bye to yesterday
And cease to exist today
All is do is float past you
In this shadow of forgotten dreams
Where cob webs have formed
And cracks run through the floor
The only thing that is solid is the tomb
This slab of concrete before me
Closing me in the dark
The air is pushed out of me
As the darkness blows out the light
At this moment my will is gone
Today I submit to my friend Darkness
He has come for me
I let him take my hand as we descend
Further away from the light
Darkness is my only friend tonight
Nyx
I sit here and I dream
About a life without the pain
On the inside I just scream
In my chest it is always the same
The pain stabs through my heart
It tears right through my soul
Taking everything that I am
Until I lose control
My mind shuts down
My stomach turns
As I grow more weary
I am sick of the dark
I am sick of the dread
I do not have voices in my head
I do not have demons clawing at me
What I have is only
Complete and total agony
On the inside I scream
With each heartbeat
With each breath
I long for peace
I long for rest
Nyx
Darkness will follow me wherever I go
In the end everyone goes away
Darkness tells me so
Darkness is not my enemy
He is my reality
I try to push him aside
But he always finds a way
He inflicts the pain
He sees my weakness
He sees my shame
He knows the apathy is a mask
He knows what lies beneath
He is set on his task
He will follow me into eternal rest
Because he is the best
Because he is part of me
He knows who I really am
A damaged twisted thing
With nowhere to stand
Nyx
