Sometimes it is just so painful to be alive
thoughts
Dialogue with my friend darkness
“Hello Darkness my old friend
It’s nice to see you again”
“My sweet girl why are you so restless?
Can’t find that peace you still seek?
Can’t find an ear to listen to the screams?
Well here I am my dear
I will listen as you scream in pain
Then I will take you with me
I will lay my claim
In the end it will be the same
This is how it must be
Some day soon you will see
It has always been me
I am your true friend
I will show you how your life will end
Take my hand my dear”
I take his hand
“I know darkness
You are always right
Once again you are my only friend tonight”
Together we descend
Divided
Today I find myself
In a place I have never been before
Divided by who I was
And who I have become
Nyx
Walk away
I see those eyes
Glare through the night
The blue so beautiful and bright
Beyond those eyes
A hollow soul lies
With no empathy or emotion
No capability of devotion
A predator waiting for prey
He eats you
Then tosses you away
You will pine for him
Because he draws you in
His fake smile shows no remorse
Because he does not care about you
He will rip you apart
Then tear out your heart
You will be left there to bleed
Until you gain the strength
To quench the need
And walk away
Nyx
Until I say goodbye
There is no grey
I will hate you today
I will love you tomorrow
You will be the focus of my feelings
You will see my sorrow
All I see is black and white
Until I say goodbye
I can no longer stay
It hurts too much inside
All I do is wait
To hear the final lie
This is when I shut down
And let myself cry
Nyx
Which path
What do I want
Which path do I choose
How will I know
Whether I will win or lose
I fight but I do not know
Whether my feet will hit the ground
Will I stand
Or will I fall
Nyx
A heart of stone
My heart has hardened
Like a ball of stone
It sits inside my chest
As it beats it cracks and crumbles
A little more each day
This is what I need
A heart covered in stone
I need to find myself
Before I can go home
Nyx
Apathy
My heart pounds in my chest
Will I ever rest
Or will I continue to wander
Lost without a home
As people come and go
I feel so alone
All I can see
Are forks in the road ahead of me
All I can feel
Is complete apathy
I have no remorse
For the decisions I have made
I do not walk in the sun
I linger in the shade
This is who I am
Who I will forever be
This is what is left of me
Nyx
Today
Today I question
Everything and everyone
Who am I
Who have I become
I feel so weary
As the anxiety
Brings me down
I feel so lost
I do not want to be found
I do not want to be consumed
By the pain that loneliness brings
By the fire that burns in my chest
I just want peace
I just want to rest
Nyx
Loneliness is what I fear
The pain
It comes and goes
Hits me in waves
Sometimes it lasts for hours
Sometimes it lasts for days
Until I shut it down
It is often soothed
By the sound of someone else
Or the sound of music
Playing in my head
Sometimes when the pain is gone
All I feel is dread
Loneliness is what I fear
Night after night
Year after year
I do not want to be alone
I want to find my home
Nyx
