Loneliness is what I fear

The pain

It comes and goes

Hits me in waves

Sometimes it lasts for hours

Sometimes it lasts for days

Until I shut it down

It is often soothed

By the sound of someone else

Or the sound of music

Playing in my head

Sometimes when the pain is gone

All I feel is dread

Loneliness is what I fear

Night after night

Year after year

I do not want to be alone

I want to find my home

Nyx

Hope

In my mind I see

No clear path before me

I push forward

Every day

Hoping I will find the way

Hoping that the emptiness will subside

Hoping that the pain will stop

I try to live in each moment

With hope in my heart

That I will find the peace I seek

That I will find my home

Nyx

What is Love

Love is something

I do not know

Does it linger

Does it grow

Is it fleeting

Or does it remain

Is it only there

When someone has something to gain

I do not understand this emotion

All I feel is pain

Nyx

My heart a broken stone

And another walks away

Like so many have before

That is just what they do

Before I feel the knife slam through

The loneliness and the pain

It always feels the same

Who have I become

I exist and yet

I am no one

I walk this world alone

My heart a broken stone

The cracks they chip away

A little more each day

This is the way it must be

Until there is nothing left of me

Nyx

Move on

I feel the tall grass between my fingers

As I walk along the path

My heartache lingers

As I realize I can never turn back

I see the stream as it flows forward

Centering myself today

I have to live in the moment

I have to keep myself calm

It is the only way

That I can move on

Nyx

A new path

The path before me

Filled with branches and thorns

I had to step away

I see a new path ahead

Let’s see where it leads today

Nyx

 

Hope lies within my dreams 

I am sitting here 

Alone again 

Silent and still 

I wish I could say 

That I am fine 

But I would only be lying 

Let them sleep 

As I bury the pain again

Let the apathy set it 

So I can wake up again tomorrow 

I feel the emptiness fill me 

As I listen to the sounds of the night 

As I embrace the serenity of the darkness 

And find comfort in the stars 

In a few hours a new day will start 

Once again I am reminded 

What being alone means 

I am lost in my own world 

Where hope lies within my dreams 

Nyx 

Side effects 

I feel my chest start pounding

But I can not control it 

The anxiety is growing 

There is nothing I can do 

This is the side effect 

Reminding me of what I went through 

I can not change 

What I have done 

I can not change the past 

All I can do is keep moving 

All I can do is keep fighting 

Until I have won 

Nyx