This monster that you made

I feel my heart stop beating  

I feel myself break in half 

Why am I always left here 

Alone in this place 

How many demons must I conquer

To forget your face 

You have destroyed 

Only to recreate 

It is too late to change 

This monster that you made 

I try to dream 

I try to float away 

Instead I scream

As I drown on the inside

Remembering all the lies 

I try to live in this moment 

But this moment does not last 

What I would not give 

To be able to erase the past

Nyx 

Lost to this world 

I feel numb 

Lost to this world

I am fading 

Fading into nothing 

I no longer care 

About anything at all

All I want to do is free fall 

Free fall to nothing 

Close my eyes 

Feel the air 

Pushing against my skin 

I feel the darkness push me further 

As I slowly disappear 

Farther and farther I fall 

Until I am merely mist in the air 

Darkness pushes me down 

He wants me to disappear 

He wants me to hit the bottom 

This is when peace will come 

This is when I will go back 

Back to where I come from

Nyx

To my readers,

This poem is how I have felt in the past, not today. Thank you all for your continued support. Peace and love. Nyx 

Drifting 

Underneath the lamplight

I lay my weary head

Thinking I might be safer

But still wishing I was dead

A drifter is what I was

I guess I still am

Drifting from here to there

Going no where

Stepping forward

Then stepping back

Waiting for the next swing

Bracing myself for the next hit

Wondering when I will lose it

Nyx

No more tears today 

At this moment I trust no one 

At this moment my hope in others is gone 

I feel no joy in the company that I keep 

My heart has been ripped open

By all of the promises that have been broken

I shed no more tears today 

I have said all there is to say 

I have lost something I once had 

I no longer have the ability to retain an emotion 

I don’t even know what sadness feels like anymore 

All I know is agony 

Then I feel the apathy

Then I feel the rage 

This is all I have left 

Nyx 

As my heart peels away

I watch as the sun rises 

I watch as the sun sets 

I can not help but wonder 

Is this as good as it gets 

These moments here and there 

These moments when I find my way 

These moments when I write to you 

When I show you the way 

I wear my heart on the outside 

I do not hide it within 

This is why I am so damaged 

Because we live in a world 

Plagued by sin 

This is when I feel the pain 

When I think of all the loss 

When I think of what they have gained 

This is when I lose the hope 

That my heart will stay full 

That my true nature will remain 

With everything I lose 

With everything they gain 

Some days I feel myself slip 

Into something else 

Into a creature fighting to live 

Into a creature with nothing left to give 

Sick and tired of the evil of man 

Sick of fighting for everything that I am 

It is so hard to keep hope in my heart 

When everyone takes a strip 

Tearing it apart 

There are a few pieces left of me 

Still out there for the world to see 

My weakness is known 

My honesty is shown 

My layers of beauty hide the scars 

They hide the peeled back strips 

They hide the darkness 

The darkness that is starting to show

I fear I will never stop fighting 

I fear I will never stop feeling 

These strips they just keep peeling

I fear one day there will be nothing left 

I fear that even the shell of who I was 

Will wither away and just be gone 

I wonder at this moment 

If my soul will let me move on 

Nyx

Away from the light

At this moment all I yearn for is death 

All I yearn for is peace 

Peace from the darkness that haunts me 

Peace from the pain

What I would not give for eternal rest 

To not wake up tomorrow 

To not have to pretend 

To just say good bye to yesterday 

And cease to exist today 

All is do is float past you

In this shadow of forgotten dreams 

Where cob webs have formed 

And cracks run through the floor 

The only thing that is solid is the tomb 

This slab of concrete before me 

Closing me in the dark 

The air is pushed out of me 

As the darkness blows out the light 

At this moment my will is gone 

Today I submit to my friend Darkness

He has come for me 

I let him take my hand as we descend 

Further away from the light 

Darkness is my only friend tonight 
Nyx

Help

I feel my body weighed down 

It is so hard to walk 

It is so hard to breathe 

This weight it crushes me 

Weighs me down from the outside in 

At this moment I feel nothing 

I am just pushed down by it all 

Gulping for air 

With no cry for help 

No way to swim 

No way to shout 

This is when I give in 

Leave me where I stand 

As the sun rises

As the sun sets

Darkness stands beside me

Placing bets

Will she join me

Will she walk away

I look at him and see the agony in the dark

I let go of his hand

Not today darkness

Leave me where I stand

Nyx