Once again I long for death
Devastated and broken
By what I have spoken
To someone who cared about me
Sometimes I wonder if the pain will rip me apart
Sometimes I wonder if the pain will stop my heart
What would I be
If I was not me
Darkness and pain
Fire and anger that spreads
Underneath my chest
Is that all that I am
This thing that should not have been
This thing that suffers in the dark
Please someone help me
Please just take me away
Dear God please just kill me today
Nyx
I’ve been avoiding the sunlight
I’ve been avoiding my life
I am so tired of many things
Most of all I am tired of myself
Tired of the shame
Tired of the pain
Tired of existing as I am
What is the point of life
If I am unable to live it
Why give me so much love
And then make it so hard to give it
I have to find some hope
Because I have lost it again
The pain is so extreme
The pain is too much
There has to be a reason
There has to be a way
To pull myself away from this darkness
Once again today
Nyx
I kind of want to die again
It’s been a little while
It’s very hard to be alive right now
Its very hard to exist as myself in this current state that I am in
Should I do something
Should I help others in some way
Or have I already said
All there is to say
Nyx
What do you do when you want to escape your own skin
What do you do when you are tired of the emptiness
What do you do when your tired of that uneasy feeling
There is no escaping who you are
Nyx
Today is another
Day like yesterday
I try to find something
Anything that will make me want to get up
I wish I could just be happy
Instead I just feel lost
I try to think of things in a positive way
I try to think it’s great that I woke up today
But for all the positive quotes I read
All the pushed perceptions that should make this better
I still sit here empty
I still sit here in sorrow
Longing for a life I never had
Nyx
I am lost again today
I am just a hole
A black mass
Of never ending nothing
Never ending nothing
Nyx
Today I felt myself fall backward
Into the sadness and the pain
The longing to escape was so great
Even greater than my own self hate
Slowly I took myself away from the darkness
Because I had to
Instead of thinking of the sadness
Instead of thinking of the things I have lost
I thought of the things I do have
I thought of the things I have fought for
Sometimes it feels like I go back to the beginning
The beginning of a journey through hell
I just have to remind myself that I have already been there
I have already come this far
I have to say to myself this darkness
It is not who you are
Nyx
I listen as the world moves around me
Self hate is boiling inside
Bubbling over into reality
Nyx
Once again I embrace the darkness
As alone as I have always been
He is the only comfort I know
The only one who never leaves
I hear the world outside
A world I do not belong in
I belong with darkness
He never lets me down
I sit here waiting
Knowing he will come someday
He will come and take all this pain away
Nyx
Words From The Borderline 
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