Today

I’ve been avoiding the sunlight

I’ve been avoiding my life

I am so tired of many things

Most of all I am tired of myself

Tired of the shame

Tired of the pain

Tired of existing as I am

What is the point of life

If I am unable to live it

Why give me so much love

And then make it so hard to give it

I have to find some hope

Because I have lost it again

The pain is so extreme

The pain is too much

There has to be a reason

There has to be a way

To pull myself away from this darkness

Once again today

Nyx

Content

Feeling content is a gift

A break from sadness and pain

I am grateful for this feeling

I appreciate the lack of pain

I accept this gift

Nyx

Peace

Sometimes I find these moments

Moments of peace

Peace I thought I would never find

Peace has finally found me

Nyx

Dreams

I dream of a world beyond what I see before me

I dream of a world filled with beauty

I dream of a world of peace

Nyx

Exist as I am

It is hard to ignore this loneliness

I feel this need for connection

A connection to someone else

In the meantime I lay here

Listening as the clock keeps ticking

Aware of time that is passing by

Knowing that being here alone is not enough

But accepting it anyway

This is what is best

I will keep trying to be better

I will exist as I am

Nyx

This face

What have I become

Who was I before

I do not recognize

This face I see reflected at me

Maybe I am already

Everything I was meant to be

Nyx

Will I find myself again

I wake up feeling this tension

It wraps around my heart

I wake up with good intention

But I feel this anxiety

It is there as soon as I wake

Can I get through this day

Without feeling my heart break

Can I get through this day

Feeling better at the end

Will I find myself again

Nyx

I do not walk alone

All this time I thought I was walking alone

I was wrong

There has always been a presence beside me

This presence that is trying to guide me

Guide me towards my purpose

Guide me towards peace

There is a purpose for this pain

I am reassured by this

In everything that I do

Sometimes I have to listen

Sometimes I have to see

Sometimes I have to feel

Sometimes it is just a thought

I always find the answer

I always find a way

Because my guide is beside me

Every single day

Nyx

Image source geckzilla on Flickr

Facing fear

This was the first year of my life

That I stopped the cycle

The cycle that led me back

To the high of the chase

Then the low from the agony

There has been a void

That my mind used to fill

I have lived this year

Facing the thing I fear the most

I am alone

Nyx