At this moment I trust no one
At this moment my hope in others is gone
I feel no joy in the company that I keep
My heart has been ripped open
By all of the promises that have been broken
I shed no more tears today
I have said all there is to say
I have lost something I once had
I no longer have the ability to retain an emotion
I don’t even know what sadness feels like anymore
All I know is agony
Then I feel the apathy
Then I feel the rage
This is all I have left
Nyx
I feel my skin burn within
I feel my heart shatter
I cannot help but ask myself
Why does anything matter
I try to make it through each day
I try to hold my head high
I show a smile upon my face
A smile that isn’t real
All I want is peace from this life
I no longer want to feel
I wish that I was ignorant to everything
I wish that I was ignorant to everyone
I wish that I was dumb
What I wish for the most is
The ability to stay numb
To be lost to this world forever
To float away in the sky
To say, so long and farewell
Just to say goodbye
Nyx
I watch as the sun rises
I watch as the sun sets
I can not help but wonder
Is this as good as it gets
These moments here and there
These moments when I find my way
These moments when I write to you
When I show you the way
I wear my heart on the outside
I do not hide it within
This is why I am so damaged
Because we live in a world
Plagued by sin
This is when I feel the pain
When I think of all the loss
When I think of what they have gained
This is when I lose the hope
That my heart will stay full
That my true nature will remain
With everything I lose
With everything they gain
Some days I feel myself slip
Into something else
Into a creature fighting to live
Into a creature with nothing left to give
Sick and tired of the evil of man
Sick of fighting for everything that I am
It is so hard to keep hope in my heart
When everyone takes a strip
Tearing it apart
There are a few pieces left of me
Still out there for the world to see
My weakness is known
My honesty is shown
My layers of beauty hide the scars
They hide the peeled back strips
They hide the darkness
The darkness that is starting to show
I fear I will never stop fighting
I fear I will never stop feeling
These strips they just keep peeling
I fear one day there will be nothing left
I fear that even the shell of who I was
Will wither away and just be gone
I wonder at this moment
If my soul will let me move on
Nyx
Sometimes I think that I am beaten
Sometimes I think that I am done
That is when I stop and remember
Everything that you have done
These actions drive me forward
These memories that you made
You were the one I trusted
My life was in your hands
Everything I did to make you proud of me
Everything I did I wanted you to see
I was your daughter
I was the one you were supposed to protect
Instead all you did was lie to me
Confuse me with truths mixed with lies
Until all I wanted was to escape you
Everything I have done
Is a result of what you did
Everything I do
Is a fight to beat you
You are the reason I am who I am
Yet you are the reason I still breathe
You are the reason I stand
Well dear father someday you will see
What you created
What you made
Someday you will see
That you will never beat me
I may be bruised
My bones may break
I may wake up everyday and suffer
From eternal heartache
But when all is lost I see what you have done
This is what drives me forward
This is what makes me carry on
I will fight for those born to suffer
What you have put me through
I will fight through the pain
I will fight because I have no choice
There was no turning back when I broke the silence
There was no turning back when I used my voice
Nyx
Darkness will follow me wherever I go
In the end everyone goes away
Darkness tells me so
Darkness is not my enemy
He is my reality
I try to push him aside
But he always finds a way
He inflicts the pain
He sees my weakness
He sees my shame
He knows the apathy is a mask
He knows what lies beneath
He is set on his task
He will follow me into eternal rest
Because he is the best
Because he is part of me
He knows who I really am
A damaged twisted thing
With nowhere to stand
Nyx
The loneliness grips my beating heart
It crushes my chest
It rips me apart
When I sit still it all comes back
All the pain
All the heartache
Everything that has been done
Everything that I wish I did
Sometimes I wish I could delete my mind
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time
But most of the time I just want to escape it
Sit still and alone and not have to take it
Without a distraction all I feel is agony
Without a distraction all I see is darkness
At this moment I just wish I was not me
At this moment I would give anything for the light
Just a break from the pain
I wish for peace tonight
Nyx
I thought I was strong
But right now I am weak
I should have known all along
What my weakness was
I should have remembered
That happiness isn’t real
I should have remembered
The way that heart break makes me feel
I didn’t remember until the pain hit
I didn’t remember until my chest was burning
I didn’t remember until the world around me was shaking and turning
Well here I am
As I sit
Asking myself what is wrong with me
Blaming myself because I didn’t see
What my weakness was all along
That I am not strong
I am a bleeding heart
Doomed from the start
My bleeding heart is my weakness
Nyx
Your past becomes a fog within you
Underneath the skin
I have become such a damaged thing
Like a bird with a broken wing
I walk this world alone
Broken but yet I move
The only thing that drives me
This broken busted thing
Is that I refuse to give up
I refuse to let you fuckers win
Bring the lies and the pain
Give me all you’ve got
I can take it all you mother fuckers
In the end I will still be standing
In the end I will still be here
In the end I am the one
You are going to fucking fear
Nyx
I hate you and I love you
This image from my past
But a love so fierce and strong
Was never meant to last
You pulled me toward perfection
But only with your eyes
Your words were given with nothing
But false sincerity and lies
You were supposed to be the one
My shining light
My sun
I just edited this poem I wrote a few months ago, it coincides with More than life, so I figured I would share this as well.
Peace and Love,
Nyx
© Nyx0519
Image Source http://vsco.co/alexxmilnee/media/58194a5f28d061644cfc4c62
You showed me love and made me believe it was real
You gave me the strength to move forward and the ability to feel
You married me and looked at me like I was the only one you would ever adore
You told me I would be enough, that you would never need anything more
Complete and unending love is what you said
But this can’t be true my love
Because you left me for dead
You ripped out my heart
You tore me apart
And I loved you more than my own life
There are many things that life has taught me along the way
But one thing I will never learn is how to love someone so deeply
And then just toss them away
Nyx
© Nyx0519
Image Source http://weheartit.com/pictures/marielleko
