Existing

I kind of want to die again

It’s been a little while

It’s very hard to be alive right now

Its very hard to exist as myself in this current state that I am in

Should I do something

Should I help others in some way

Or have I already said

All there is to say

Nyx

Blood of my blood

I had to let you go again

Blood of my blood

Torn from me you will always be

By no fault of yours

Just the choice to love one of the destroyers of my life

A destroyer I will never forgive

A monster only I can see

Who cradles you in her arms

Nyx

Trapped in hell

I hear the gate slam

As I fall into the flames

All I feel is emptiness and pain

I lie in the darkness

No longer wanting to exist in this world

With the gate slammed shut

I find my resolve

I have accepted my fate

I can not save myself

From my own mind

I just want to feel the flames

For the last time

Nyx

Addictions

Push him out

Let him in

Push him out

Let him in

Pain

Emptiness

More pain

I wish I could change

But I’ll probably just stay the same

I had a taste of my addiction

Now it’s gone

I just want to be dead

Nyx

Darkness please come

I long for the darkness to take me there

Away from this life

I can no longer care

About what exists outside these walls

All I want right now is to never wake up

Darkness please come

Darkness please take me away

I give up

You have won today

Nyx

Alien

I feel empty

Alone and guarded

Tired of the pain

The others always bring

I often feel

That I am an alien in this world

That I will never really belong here

My smile

My words

I fool you all

I have never been human

I am something else

And I am still here

Every day I wake

Indifferent to each breath I take

Maybe someday the emptiness will fill

Until then here I am

An alien that walks on land

Nyx

Never enough

In the darkness

I hide from you

The pain slips out

A little with each cut

Never enough to stop

Nyx

Burning

There it is again

That old familiar pain

Taking away another piece of me

What do you do

When all hope is gone

Where do you go

When there is nowhere left

There is nowhere I can feel peace for long

Nowhere that it does not hurt

Everything that is wrong with me

I see it for what it is

There is nothing more I can do right now

This is all I have left to give

My honesty shows the truth

I have never wanted to live

I am still here

Burning on the inside

Living in fear of the pain

What do you want from me

What is left for you to gain

You got what you wanted

Now leave me alone

Nyx

Fate

Will I be alone forever

I fear I must accept my fate

The loneliness it grips me hard

The pain it rips me apart

Once again I wish I was gone

Maybe there is a place I belong

Right now as I cry in the dark

I care about nothing because I cannot

I cannot care because my whole life I have sought

The one thing I will never have

It is just not meant to be

I was meant to live this life alone

All I will ever have is me

Nyx

My world of darkness

I live in my own world of darkness

I do not see the light

I feel so alone

I feel so sad

I am still grieving over something

I never had

The sadness turns to pain

So similar than before

Except this time I feel less strength

It is hard to remember what I fight for

It hurts today

As I lay here in the dark

Wondering why I cannot be ok

With being alone again today

Nyx