Bleeding Heart

I thought I was strong

But right now I am weak

I should have known all along

What my weakness was

I should have remembered

That happiness isn’t real

I should have remembered

The way that heart break makes me feel

I didn’t remember until the pain hit

I didn’t remember until my chest was burning

I didn’t remember until the world around me was shaking and turning

Well here I am

As I sit

Asking myself what is wrong with me

Blaming myself because I didn’t see

What my weakness was all along

That I am not strong

I am a bleeding heart

Doomed from the start

My bleeding heart is my weakness

Nyx

In the end 

Your past becomes a fog within you 

Underneath the skin 

I have become such a damaged thing 

Like a bird with a broken wing

I walk this world alone 

Broken but yet I move 

The only thing that drives me 

This broken busted thing 

Is that I refuse to give up

I refuse to let you fuckers win 

Bring the lies and the pain 

Give me all you’ve got 

I can take it all you mother fuckers

In the end I will still be standing 

In the end I will still be here 

In the end I am the one 

You are going to fucking fear 

Nyx

My Sun Light

I hate you and I love you

This image from my past

But a love so fierce and strong

Was never meant to last

You pulled me toward perfection

But only with your eyes

Your words were given with nothing

But false sincerity and lies

You were supposed to be the one

My shining light

My sun

 

I just edited this poem I wrote a few months ago,  it coincides with More than life, so I figured I would share this as well. 

Peace and Love,

Nyx

© Nyx0519

Image Source http://vsco.co/alexxmilnee/media/58194a5f28d061644cfc4c62

More than life

You showed me love and made me believe it was real 

You gave me the strength to move forward and the ability to feel

You married me and looked at me like I was the only one you would ever adore

You told me I would be enough, that you would never need anything more

Complete and unending love is what you said

But this can’t be true my love

Because you left me for dead

You ripped out my heart

You tore me apart

And I loved you more than my own life

There are many things that life has taught me along the way

But one thing I will never learn is how to love someone so deeply

And then just toss them away

Nyx

© Nyx0519

Image Source http://weheartit.com/pictures/marielleko

Drift Apart

Can you find love that you thought you lost

Can you fix what has been broken

Without retracting words once spoken

Can you find forgiveness in your heart

Or do you slowly drift apart

Nyx

Image Source https://www.flickr.com/photos/skim_michigan/

She exists in shadows

She exists in shadows 

Wishing she could forget 

The day she first saw you 

The smile across your face

If only there was a way 

That the memory could be erased 

These memories of perfection 

Eat at her heart

She should have know there would be a cost 

Right from the start 

She followed you without thought 

Loving you more than life

She wept as you left her 

When she needed you so

The last thing she said was my love please don’t go 

Nyx

Image source http://www.flickr.com/himitsuhana/2462326596/

Agony

As soon as I stop moving

As soon as my mind stills…  I am flooded with agony

It is not a memory…it is not a face

It is just all consuming heartache

All I see is darkness…bleak and black

Why can I never slow down…without the pain slamming me back

This is why I move so quickly…this is why I talk so fast

If only my moments of peace would last…if only I could escape the darkness…

if only I could escape my past

Nyx

image source https://www.melisicia.com

 

 

Pretend

I pretend to smile 

I pretend to be ok 

I hold back on things I should say 

I pretend not to see that you screwed me 

I pretend not to feel the pain 

I don’t want to see my reality 

The selfishness of the people around me

These people who pretend to care 

Where are they when you need them to be there 

Don’t they know it freaking hurts to be let down 

I’m tired of pretending…I’m tired of being in pain 

I just want to escape my life…escape these people I have to pretend for 

I just can’t do it anymore 

They break off a little more of what’s left of me

If they saw what was left on the inside…past the mask…would they really see 

I don’t think they can…so I will no longer pretend

Get out of my life…get out of my heart…this is the end 

Do not fall

I sit and listen to the sound of my heart beating

I feel my mind retreating

Falling back into that dark place

Don’t look behind you

Just keep looking ahead

Don’t remember any of the words he said

In the end all you have is you

No one else has seen what you have

No one else has lived your life

You must push past it all

Do not look back…do not look down… do not fall

 

Harden my heart 

I have to harden my heart

I have to keep it that way

Many may not understand

But many have not lost

All that they have ever had

When your world gets ripped away

When you are left with nothing

Tell me then that I shouldn’t harden my heart

Tell me then that you understand me from the start

Tell me then that I’m not really alone

Grab my hand and take me home