This monster that you made

I feel my heart stop beating  

I feel myself break in half 

Why am I always left here 

Alone in this place 

How many demons must I conquer

To forget your face 

You have destroyed 

Only to recreate 

It is too late to change 

This monster that you made 

I try to dream 

I try to float away 

Instead I scream

As I drown on the inside

Remembering all the lies 

I try to live in this moment 

But this moment does not last 

What I would not give 

To be able to erase the past

Nyx 

Monotonous life

Each day I rise with hope 

Some days it lasts 

Some days it does not 

Today I hope I find the peace that I seek

I hope that in a few hours 

I do not feel weak 

I hope that deep inside I keep 

Some form of strength left 

Because I feel beaten down 

I feel so weary 

Right now everything I see is dark 

Everything is dreary 

Each day seems the same as the last 

Constantly fighting the past

I live as this broken person 

With a smile plastered on my face

On the inside all I feel is disgrace

Everyday to me is exactly the same 

This monotonous life of pain 

I will try to escape from the pain today 

Let’s see if I succeed 
Nyx

I have lost all hope 

I have moments of peace 

They do not last long 

Then I feel the pain 

As I try to sing along 

Sometimes words may help me

Sometimes they do not 

All I know for sure 

Is peace is all I have ever sought 

No matter how much I have cried 

No matter how much I have fought 

I have yet to find it 

Maybe someday I will 

Maybe someday the earth will stay still 

Just maybe I will find the one 

To make me feel safe from it all

To protect me from harm 

Maybe he will grab my hand 

Before I hit the ground 

At this moment I have no hope 

All I do today is

Find the strength to go on 

Find the strength to cope 

This loneliness will stay 

It must be my eternal debt to pay 

I guess I just have to except it 

This is just the way it is 

I have lost all hope 

That someday I will truly be his 

Nyx

Lost to this world 

I feel numb 

Lost to this world

I am fading 

Fading into nothing 

I no longer care 

About anything at all

All I want to do is free fall 

Free fall to nothing 

Close my eyes 

Feel the air 

Pushing against my skin 

I feel the darkness push me further 

As I slowly disappear 

Farther and farther I fall 

Until I am merely mist in the air 

Darkness pushes me down 

He wants me to disappear 

He wants me to hit the bottom 

This is when peace will come 

This is when I will go back 

Back to where I come from

Nyx

To my readers,

This poem is how I have felt in the past, not today. Thank you all for your continued support. Peace and love. Nyx 

The tide 

I try to push the feeling away 

But as the panic rises 

I have no control 

It bursts through me like a tidal wave

There is nothing I can do today 

The tide has blown me away 

Nyx 

Drifting 

Underneath the lamplight

I lay my weary head

Thinking I might be safer

But still wishing I was dead

A drifter is what I was

I guess I still am

Drifting from here to there

Going no where

Stepping forward

Then stepping back

Waiting for the next swing

Bracing myself for the next hit

Wondering when I will lose it

Nyx

How I breathe today 

When I reflect

When I stop

When I think about

Where I come from

All I feel is pain

An agony so piercing

An agony so deep

It is all consuming

This agony I feel

What I wouldn’t give

For it not to be real

These images of my past

And all the pain that they bring

Thankfully they do not last

Because I shut them away

This is how I survive

This is how I breathe today

Nyx

Hoping I make it back to you

Life is an endless array of obstacles

This I know is true

All I do is bear it and keep going

All I do is hope I make it through

These obstacles block the way home

They make me crawl inside myself

Longing to be alone

I always see them coming

These obstacles you see

I brace myself hoping I am wrong

Then I realize I cannot change what is coming

It is my destiny

My fate

There is nothing I can do

It is always too late

It seems some things have been decided

But maybe this is untrue

All I can do is keep moving forward

Hoping I make it back to you

Nyx