The Pit

I am alone again

My thoughts have slowed down

I slept and then woke up to sadness

Once again not knowing what to do

At least I have my furry companions

They lay beside me now

Taking away a little piece of the pain

That pulls the rest of me away

My will is broken

The sadness is too strong

It keeps me trapped here in the darkness

Wishing it will end

Wishing I will see the light again

No matter what I do

No matter what I say

No matter where I go

The sadness never goes away

It is like an endless pit

That nothing will ever fill

I can climb it and think I’m getting better

I can climb so high

Then I scream

Then I shout

But I fear I will never make it out

Nyx

Pulling me

I sit here and I feel the pain

The pain that loneliness brings 

I remind myself that I have to feel

I remind myself that I cannot shut it off or I will never heal

But the heaviness wears me down

I feel it pulling me further away

Then I feel the pain in my chest

The same pain as before

The pain that I just do not want to feel anymore

Nyx

The void

Once again I exist in the darkness

Hiding from the world

Ashamed of what I look like

Ashamed of my lack of control

Emptiness and loneliness

Is all I feel today

In this void of nothing

This void that never ends

Nyx

Trapped in hell

I hear the gate slam

As I fall into the flames

All I feel is emptiness and pain

I lie in the darkness

No longer wanting to exist in this world

With the gate slammed shut

I find my resolve

I have accepted my fate

I can not save myself

From my own mind

I just want to feel the flames

For the last time

Nyx

Comfortably numb

I am shrouded in darkness

Away from the light of the sun

I love it when thunder roars

And the rain starts to pour

I love the sound as it hits the ground

I love the light as it sparks with fury

As bolts shoot from the sky

And I love the color grey

Before everything turns black

I find comfort in the storm

The chaos of the clouds

Reminds me of my life

And the paradox of comfort from pain

Because it is all I know

Fear and anger

Sadness and agony

Tears that I can not stop from falling

Until a spark of awareness

Brings me back to reality

And takes the tears away

This awareness shuts me down

Until I am comfortably numb

Enjoying the lack of pain

Until the new cycle has begun

Nyx

There is a way out of hell

Darkness has reminded me of the agony

That sadness brings

I will feel euphoria

Until it all comes crashing down

This is when I feel him near me

This is when he brings the pain

He is my reminder of who I used to be

He is my reminder of the torment I have felt

He is my reminder that everyone walked away

But today I fight him because I must

I have to remind myself

That I have always gotten back up

Every time I fell

I have to remind myself

That there is a way out of hell

Nyx

New challenges

Today I wake up to new challenges

I am reminded of the uncertainty

That each day brings

And with each day a new dawn rises

Giving me the chance to start again

Giving me the energy to push myself forward

Because I either rise or fall

That decision is mine to make

With every step I do or do not take

Today I am taking a step

Because that is what I choose to do

Nyx

Addictions

Push him out

Let him in

Push him out

Let him in

Pain

Emptiness

More pain

I wish I could change

but I’ll probably just stay the same

I had a taste of my addiction

Now it’s gone

I just want to be dead

Nyx