This is not the end

Today I feel so lost

I used to be so sure of my direction

Where I was going

Who I was

Who I wanted to be

Now I feel myself grow tired

Of the frustration each day brings

Wondering what is happening to me

Feeling this lack of security

It is tearing me apart

Indecision clouds my mind

As I feel time slipping away

I feel myself falling

A little more each day

I do not know what to do

I do not know where to go

I will try to find some peace

I will try to find myself again

I do not want to feel this way

This is not the end

Nyx

Humbled

A path I thought was certain

Is no longer there for me

I know I must accept this

But the anxiety burns my chest

I was so sure of myself

So sure of who I would be

So sure of what I would do

It filled me with joy

These thoughts of the path I always dreamed of

I did not see this loss

After coming this far I had no doubts

Yet humbled I have become

Reminded that this is a fight I have not won

So quickly things can change

So quickly hope can lead to pain

I have to find a new path

I have to learn from this

I have to accept this failure

See it for what it is

This was not meant to be

I cannot let this failed dream beat me

Nyx

Faith

Uncertainty ruled my thoughts today

But self reflection guided me

Onto a better path

It showed me what I needed to see

There is no certainty in the steps we take in life

But there is faith in a future that can be bright

Nyx

There is a way out of hell

Darkness has reminded me of the agony

That sadness brings

I will feel euphoria

Until it all comes crashing down

This is when I feel him near me

This is when he brings the pain

He is my reminder of who I used to be

He is my reminder of the torment I have felt

He is my reminder that everyone walked away

But today I fight him because I must

I have to remind myself

That I have always gotten back up

Every time I fell

I have to remind myself

That there is a way out of hell

Nyx

New challenges

Today I wake up to new challenges

I am reminded of the uncertainty

That each day brings

And with each day a new dawn rises

Giving me the chance to start again

Giving me the energy to push myself forward

Because I either rise or fall

That decision is mine to make

With every step I do or do not take

Today I am taking a step

Because that is what I choose to do

Nyx

Destiny

When I look into your eyes

I see this spark

This love

This special connection

A connection that I miss

When you are gone

I will never be able to move on

Because in your eyes I see

That you are my destiny

Nyx

Love

Today I try to be grateful

For how far I have come

But life does take a toll

After so many battles fought

Some I have lost

Some I have won

All I can do is hope

That there is something beyond this life

All I can do is feel love

For the things that I do have

As long as there is love

Everything is worth the cost

Nyx

Just another day

Once again I was fooled

I thought I would see the sun

I thought I would see the flowers bloom

I was wrong

The time will never come

There is no time for us

The clouds grow dark

The sky turns grey

Today is just another

Day like yesterday

I feel so alone

As I sit here in the dark

My heart breaks

I feel the pain again

This is what happens

This cycle that never ends

The cause does not matter

It always feels the same

There is nothing left of me

There is nothing left to gain

Anything that was human has died

A thousand times before

I exist and stand

Only for what I fight for

Nyx

Dialogue with my friend darkness

“Hello Darkness my old friend

It’s nice to see you again”

“My sweet girl why are you so restless?

Can’t find that peace you still seek?

Can’t find an ear to listen to the screams?

Well here I am my dear

I will listen as you scream in pain

Then I will take you with me

I will lay my claim

In the end it will be the same

This is how it must be

Some day soon you will see

It has always been me

I am your true friend

I will show you how your life will end

Take my hand my dear”

I take his hand

“I know darkness

You are always right

Once again you are my only friend tonight”

Together we descend