Shut it down

In the end I see

There will be no one beside me

I have to make myself believe

That I will be alright someday

That somehow I can make myself

Shut it down again

All the pain inside

I have to make it stop

Nyx

Destruction

Alone I sit

Trying to make myself numb

It is not working today

As I push another away

I feel the pain in my chest

I am attracted to destruction

In this attraction I feel no shame

It is only myself

That I have to blame

I am trying to remember something good

I just cannot do it today

Nyx

There is only rain

The loneliness

It cripples me

People only care

To some degree

I see this when they walk away

Because they always leave

Today there is no light

Today I cannot see

There is only darkness

There is only pain

There are no roses

There is only rain

The agony is always there

When I let myself feel

When I let myself care

Nyx

You are not alone

The best poets

Are the most tortured souls

At least that is what I believe

The ones who suffer everyday

Longing for the pain to subside

Hoping that someday they find away

To feel the peace they seek everyday

In the meantime just know

That I hope you find that love you need

That I hope that you will find a way

To smile and laugh and feel no pain

To know that there is more to life

Than this thing that we each

Continue to fight

I just hope that

We realize

That we can find each other

That we all embrace the unknown

Knowing that we are not alone

Nyx

Battle

I hold my sword toward the sky

I feel everything

All the pain

All the loss

All the sorrow

I take the blade

I slice my hand

I watch the blood drip

Into the sand

In this moment I swear to myself

I will not fail

I will not stop

I look upon my enemy

I tell him to stand

Nyx

Loneliness is what I fear

The pain

It comes and goes

Hits me in waves

Sometimes it lasts for hours

Sometimes it lasts for days

Until I shut it down

It is often soothed

By the sound of someone else

Or the sound of music

Playing in my head

Sometimes when the pain is gone

All I feel is dread

Loneliness is what I fear

Night after night

Year after year

I do not want to be alone

I want to find my home

Nyx

Broken

I am always reminded

Of the uncertainty in this life

Of the things that I have lost

Of the cruelty

Of the ones who look away

And the ones who do not stay

I am left a wanderer

Lost in this world

Yet driven to be more than what I am

Pushing myself every day to stand

Sometimes the pain grips me so hard

I feel myself slowly

Being torn apart

I try never to forget

What it is I fight for

I try not to forget

What it felt like

When I walked out the door

I no longer know who I am

I no longer know who I was before

I sit here broken

Longing for something I will never get

The pain it lingers

But it has not defeated me yet

Nyx

Another day

I cry everyday

Nothing keeps the pain away

As soon as I am alone

It hits me hard

I feel so broken

I feel so lost

Every day I live

I feel the cost

I feel myself grow weary

I feel the drain

All I feel is agony

It is always the same

I do not know what to do

To make it go away

All I have ever done

Is feel it everyday

I would give anything

To make the pain stop

I do not know how much longer

I can live this way

For now I sit here

Trying to make it through another day

Nyx

What is Love

Love is something

I do not know

Does it linger

Does it grow

Is it fleeting

Or does it remain

Is it only there

When someone has something to gain

I do not understand this emotion

All I feel is pain

Nyx

Treading water

Today I feel broken

As I push myself to do

What needs to be done

Once again relying on no one

Every turn leads to a wall

Before the foundation gives

Before I fall

I see the water below

It lies beneath as the ground gives way

I am treading water today

Nyx