Loneliness is what I fear

The pain

It comes and goes

Hits me in waves

Sometimes it lasts for hours

Sometimes it lasts for days

Until I shut it down

It is often soothed

By the sound of someone else

Or the sound of music

Playing in my head

Sometimes when the pain is gone

All I feel is dread

Loneliness is what I fear

Night after night

Year after year

I do not want to be alone

I want to find my home

Nyx

Broken

I am always reminded

Of the uncertainty in this life

Of the things that I have lost

Of the cruelty

Of the ones who look away

And the ones who do not stay

I am left a wanderer

Lost in this world

Yet driven to be more than what I am

Pushing myself every day to stand

Sometimes the pain grips me so hard

I feel myself slowly

Being torn apart

I try never to forget

What it is I fight for

I try not to forget

What it felt like

When I walked out the door

I no longer know who I am

I no longer know who I was before

I sit here broken

Longing for something I will never get

The pain it lingers

But it has not defeated me yet

Nyx

Another day

I cry everyday

Nothing keeps the pain away

As soon as I am alone

It hits me hard

I feel so broken

I feel so lost

Every day I live

I feel the cost

I feel myself grow weary

I feel the drain

All I feel is agony

It is always the same

I do not know what to do

To make it go away

All I have ever done

Is feel it everyday

I would give anything

To make the pain stop

I do not know how much longer

I can live this way

For now I sit here

Trying to make it through another day

Nyx

What is Love

Love is something

I do not know

Does it linger

Does it grow

Is it fleeting

Or does it remain

Is it only there

When someone has something to gain

I do not understand this emotion

All I feel is pain

Nyx

Treading water

Today I feel broken

As I push myself to do

What needs to be done

Once again relying on no one

Every turn leads to a wall

Before the foundation gives

Before I fall

I see the water below

It lies beneath as the ground gives way

I am treading water today

Nyx

God give me strength

How much more

Can I take

I just do not know

I feel ripped to the core

I care about nothing

I am so close to ending it

God give me strength

I’ve been fighting for so long

God give me the strength

To go on

Nyx

Pandora’s box

I sit here numb

To everything around me

I feel the world cave in

As I look down at the water

I feel the apathy

As I make my choice

A choice I have made before

With every closing door

I take one last moment

To let myself feel the pain

It cuts so deep

I will never be the same

I look at the sky

Before I jump

Into the cold water below

This is where I belong

So this is where I go

When all is lost

I will take myself there

To Pandora’s box

Hoping for the darkness

Hoping for some peace

Hoping that this time

I do not come back

I just want the darkness

I just want to see the sky

I just want to see the sea

Then I want to die

Nyx

Escape

Apathy is my friend

It is the only way I will survive

Disconnect or die

This is what I feel

I have known all along

That happiness isn’t real

Those moments of peace..

They never last

I am haunted by the present

I am haunted by the past

There is no escape

From the pain I feel inside

There is no escape from the memories

There is no escape from the lies

Everyone I have let in

Has thrown a brick at me

I feel myself as I sink

Below the beautiful sea

This is the only way

I will ever be free

Nyx

Fate

I watch the others

From a distance

Feeling the loneliness grow

Sometimes I smile

Sometimes I let it show

Right now I feel the pain

Deep inside my chest

It eats away

Everything that is left

It eats away the hope I once had

The image that I had is gone

The image of happiness

That I had with someone

I realize that at the end of the day

All I have is me

Maybe this is my fate

Maybe this is my destiny

Nyx

Who will stay beside me

I die a little more inside

Every single day

What will be left of me

Once my body starts to decay

Who will stay beside me

Who will take my hand

As the bones turn into ash

As time trickles out like sand

As the pain subsides

As I start to let go

Will there be someone there

As I stare out the window

Or will I leave this world alone

Nyx