Hold on 

How did I get here 

My world has changed 

Right before my eyes 

One decision 

One step forward 

And once again 

My life before is gone 

In a blink that reality 

No longer exists 

In this moment my world is foreign 

I do not know where I am 

I do not know where I am going 

All I can do is 

Hold onto what is left of me 

And hope that this is the anchor 

To keep me alive 

Nyx

The clouds are closing in

Trying to push through today

But the clouds are closing in

They are there to remind me

That darkness hovers

It still exists within

Just beyond my currents thoughts

The darkness seeps through

I feel the pain as it starts to burn

Then I close my eyes and see

All the things I have seen before

And what is in front of me

The path is still there

It breaks off here again

Asking me if I want to go back

To my land of pretend

Nyx

Lost 

I question everything 

I question everyone

I don’t know where I am 

I don’t know what I have done

I am lost right now 

My steps have led me astray 

I hope I find my way again today 

Nyx

I have lost all hope 

I have moments of peace 

They do not last long 

Then I feel the pain 

As I try to sing along 

Sometimes words may help me

Sometimes they do not 

All I know for sure 

Is peace is all I have ever sought 

No matter how much I have cried 

No matter how much I have fought 

I have yet to find it 

Maybe someday I will 

Maybe someday the earth will stay still 

Just maybe I will find the one 

To make me feel safe from it all

To protect me from harm 

Maybe he will grab my hand 

Before I hit the ground 

At this moment I have no hope 

All I do today is

Find the strength to go on 

Find the strength to cope 

This loneliness will stay 

It must be my eternal debt to pay 

I guess I just have to except it 

This is just the way it is 

I have lost all hope 

That someday I will truly be his 

Nyx

Remember

I exist as a shell

My soul in eternal hell

The pain is too much

So I shut it all away

Lost again today

Lost my will to live

I did the best I could

I tried to distract

I tried to talk it through

I tried to push away from myself

Before I slammed the knife through

Yet here I am

Bleeding on the inside

Not bleeding out

I am grateful and yet I am not

For the battles I have fought and won

I fight for strength but today I have gone numb

Succumb to the pain I can no longer endure

All I can do is remember what I fight for

 

Nyx

Father

I know longer care about life

I know longer care about death

All I have ever wanted was a father

One who loved and protected me

Kept me safe from harm

As time passes

I hope this wish will fade

This dream of him and I

Instead I sit here in agony

Wondering why I feel so empty

Wondering why I feel so lost

My memories a double-edged sword

They bring me strength

They bring me pain

Most of all they show me

What I can never have

What I will never gain

That is the love a father has for his daughter

Unconditional and true

I cannot count how many times I have wished for that father

I cannot count how many times I have wished for you

Nyx

 

Darkness follows continued…

Darkness will follow me wherever I go 

In the end everyone goes away 

Darkness tells me so

Darkness is not my enemy 

He is my reality

I try to push him aside 

But he always finds a way

He inflicts the pain 

He sees my weakness 

He sees my shame 

He knows the apathy is a mask 

He knows what lies beneath 

He is set on his task 

He will follow me into eternal rest 

Because he is the best 

Because he is part of me 

He knows who I really am 

A damaged twisted thing 

With nowhere to stand 

Nyx

Free Fall #2 

Sometimes I wonder if I am being tested 

To see just how much I can take 

Sometimes I just do not understand 

Why I never seem to land 

It is just a constant free fall

Never ending emptiness

My feet never find the ground 

All I feel is everything pushing me down 

What I would not give for some sand 

What I would not give for someone to take my hand 

Take away the burden 

Grab me from the sky 

Place me down and give me a place to lie 

Maybe someday I will find a way 

To grab a hand to hold 

To really trust in someone else completely 

That day is not today 
Nyx 

Lost among the mist 

Alone I float by 

Lost among the mist 

Constantly asking myself why 

Feeling the knife twist 

The past comes back to haunt me

No matter what I do 

You are the one who put me here

This I know is true 

You are the one I used to fear 

As time passes your face stays the same 

The pain I feel reminds me 

That my memory of you will always remain 

Nyx