The Pit

I am alone again

My thoughts have slowed down

I slept and then woke up to sadness

Once again not knowing what to do

At least I have my furry companions

They lay beside me now

Taking away a little piece of the pain

That pulls the rest of me away

My will is broken

The sadness is too strong

It keeps me trapped here in the darkness

Wishing it will end

Wishing I will see the light again

No matter what I do

No matter what I say

No matter where I go

The sadness never goes away

It is like an endless pit

That nothing will ever fill

I can climb it and think I’m getting better

I can climb so high

Then I scream

Then I shout

But I fear I will never make it out

Nyx

After the damage is done

What am I doing

How do I change who I am

Somedays all I want to do is sleep

Somedays all I want to do is run away

I cut them all out of my life

Then I want them back

What is wrong with me

I am so lost today

This is when I pull them back

After the damage is done

It is already too late

Nyx

Lost

I do not know where I am going

My footsteps pound upon the ground

I have nothing to hold onto

I walk forward

There is no sound

No voice to lead the way

I just feel lost

I feel so lost today

Nyx

All I need

I thought I was lost before

That was before I opened the door

There is no foundation

There is no ground

I have been looking

But I have not found

That hand to catch me

As I free float in the air

All I want is someone to love me

All I need is someone to care

Nyx

Hold on 

How did I get here 

My world has changed 

Right before my eyes 

One decision 

One step forward 

And once again 

My life before is gone 

In a blink that reality 

No longer exists 

In this moment my world is foreign 

I do not know where I am 

I do not know where I am going 

All I can do is 

Hold onto what is left of me 

And hope that this is the anchor 

To keep me alive 

Nyx

The clouds are closing in

Trying to push through today

But the clouds are closing in

They are there to remind me

That darkness hovers

It still exists within

Just beyond my currents thoughts

The darkness seeps through

I feel the pain as it starts to burn

Then I close my eyes and see

All the things I have seen before

And what is in front of me

The path is still there

It breaks off here again

Asking me if I want to go back

To my land of pretend

Nyx

Lost 

I question everything 

I question everyone

I don’t know where I am 

I don’t know what I have done

I am lost right now 

My steps have led me astray 

I hope I find my way again today 

Nyx

I have lost all hope 

I have moments of peace 

They do not last long 

Then I feel the pain 

As I try to sing along 

Sometimes words may help me

Sometimes they do not 

All I know for sure 

Is peace is all I have ever sought 

No matter how much I have cried 

No matter how much I have fought 

I have yet to find it 

Maybe someday I will 

Maybe someday the earth will stay still 

Just maybe I will find the one 

To make me feel safe from it all

To protect me from harm 

Maybe he will grab my hand 

Before I hit the ground 

At this moment I have no hope 

All I do today is

Find the strength to go on 

Find the strength to cope 

This loneliness will stay 

It must be my eternal debt to pay 

I guess I just have to except it 

This is just the way it is 

I have lost all hope 

That someday I will truly be his 

Nyx

Remember

I exist as a shell

My soul in eternal hell

The pain is too much

So I shut it all away

Lost again today

Lost my will to live

I did the best I could

I tried to distract

I tried to talk it through

I tried to push away from myself

Before I slammed the knife through

Yet here I am

Bleeding on the inside

Not bleeding out

I am grateful and yet I am not

For the battles I have fought and won

I fight for strength but today I have gone numb

Succumb to the pain I can no longer endure

All I can do is remember what I fight for

 

Nyx