After the damage is done

What am I doing

How do I change who I am

Somedays all I want to do is sleep

Somedays all I want to do is run away

I cut them all out of my life

Then I want them back

What is wrong with me

I am so lost today

This is when I pull them back

After the damage is done

It is already too late

Nyx

Lost

I do not know where I am going

My footsteps pound upon the ground

I have nothing to hold onto

I walk forward

There is no sound

No voice to lead the way

I just feel lost

I feel so lost today

Nyx

All I need

I thought I was lost before

That was before I opened the door

There is no foundation

There is no ground

I have been looking

But I have not found

That hand to catch me

As I free float in the air

All I want is someone to love me

All I need is someone to care

Nyx

Hold on 

How did I get here 

My world has changed 

Right before my eyes 

One decision 

One step forward 

And once again 

My life before is gone 

In a blink that reality 

No longer exists 

In this moment my world is foreign 

I do not know where I am 

I do not know where I am going 

All I can do is 

Hold onto what is left of me 

And hope that this is the anchor 

To keep me alive 

Nyx

The clouds are closing in

Trying to push through today

But the clouds are closing in

They are there to remind me

That darkness hovers

It still exists within

Just beyond my currents thoughts

The darkness seeps through

I feel the pain as it starts to burn

Then I close my eyes and see

All the things I have seen before

And what is in front of me

The path is still there

It breaks off here again

Asking me if I want to go back

To my land of pretend

Nyx

Lost 

I question everything 

I question everyone

I don’t know where I am 

I don’t know what I have done

I am lost right now 

My steps have led me astray 

I hope I find my way again today 

Nyx

I have lost all hope 

I have moments of peace 

They do not last long 

Then I feel the pain 

As I try to sing along 

Sometimes words may help me

Sometimes they do not 

All I know for sure 

Is peace is all I have ever sought 

No matter how much I have cried 

No matter how much I have fought 

I have yet to find it 

Maybe someday I will 

Maybe someday the earth will stay still 

Just maybe I will find the one 

To make me feel safe from it all

To protect me from harm 

Maybe he will grab my hand 

Before I hit the ground 

At this moment I have no hope 

All I do today is

Find the strength to go on 

Find the strength to cope 

This loneliness will stay 

It must be my eternal debt to pay 

I guess I just have to except it 

This is just the way it is 

I have lost all hope 

That someday I will truly be his 

Nyx

Remember

I exist as a shell

My soul in eternal hell

The pain is too much

So I shut it all away

Lost again today

Lost my will to live

I did the best I could

I tried to distract

I tried to talk it through

I tried to push away from myself

Before I slammed the knife through

Yet here I am

Bleeding on the inside

Not bleeding out

I am grateful and yet I am not

For the battles I have fought and won

I fight for strength but today I have gone numb

Succumb to the pain I can no longer endure

All I can do is remember what I fight for

 

Nyx

Father

I know longer care about life

I know longer care about death

All I have ever wanted was a father

One who loved and protected me

Kept me safe from harm

As time passes

I hope this wish will fade

This dream of him and I

Instead I sit here in agony

Wondering why I feel so empty

Wondering why I feel so lost

My memories a double-edged sword

They bring me strength

They bring me pain

Most of all they show me

What I can never have

What I will never gain

That is the love a father has for his daughter

Unconditional and true

I cannot count how many times I have wished for that father

I cannot count how many times I have wished for you

Nyx

 

What is left of me

No one will find me 

No one will see 

What I leave behind 

When I am gone 

No one will see 

What is left of me 

Nyx