I kind of want to die again
It’s been a little while
It’s very hard to be alive right now
Its very hard to exist as myself in this current state that I am in
Should I do something
Should I help others in some way
Or have I already said
All there is to say
Nyx
A path I thought was certain
Is no longer there for me
I know I must accept this
But the anxiety burns my chest
I was so sure of myself
So sure of who I would be
So sure of what I would do
It filled me with joy
These thoughts of the path I always dreamed of
I did not see this loss
After coming this far I had no doubts
Yet humbled I have become
Reminded that this is a fight I have not won
So quickly things can change
So quickly hope can lead to pain
I have to find a new path
I have to learn from this
I have to accept this failure
See it for what it is
This was not meant to be
I cannot let this failed dream beat me
Nyx
I had to let you go again
Blood of my blood
Torn from me you will always be
By no fault of yours
Just the choice to love one of the destroyers of my life
A destroyer I will never forgive
A monster only I can see
Who cradles you in her arms
Nyx
I reach for your hand
But you let it go
You watched me fall
You watched me fade away
I would have lived if you had stayed
But I did not matter enough
Disclaimer
When I speak of death it is often a representation of an end. I do not want this to be misinterpreted because I know I have friends on here who care. I appreciate all of you.
Peace and love,
Nyx
He made me cry
Before I said goodbye
There is no perfect mix
No one who can see
Who I really am
Who I strive to be
I exist and yet I do not
All my life I have fought
To find the balance that I need
In order to push myself
I need to believe
That someday I will find
The one thing that I need
Someone beside me
As I walk through the storm
Arms to embrace me
When I need it the most
I will find you
This I know is true
I will not stop
Until I do
Nyx
I used to think you loved me
Then you said good bye
I sit here asking myself why
Why can’t love be unconditional
Why can’t you try
We are all flawed in someway
At least I never lie
One thing I will never understand
Is why you thought you ever loved me
Because true love is unconditional
It does not fade with words
It does not fade with time
I was never yours
You were never mine
I hope that you do find
True love someday
At least I know now
What it is we never had
Someday you will find the one
That you will forever love and adore
In the mean time
My fleeting dream is gone
Nyx
I have moments of peace
They do not last long
Then I feel the pain
As I try to sing along
Sometimes words may help me
Sometimes they do not
All I know for sure
Is peace is all I have ever sought
No matter how much I have cried
No matter how much I have fought
I have yet to find it
Maybe someday I will
Maybe someday the earth will stay still
Just maybe I will find the one
To make me feel safe from it all
To protect me from harm
Maybe he will grab my hand
Before I hit the ground
At this moment I have no hope
All I do today is
Find the strength to go on
Find the strength to cope
This loneliness will stay
It must be my eternal debt to pay
I guess I just have to except it
This is just the way it is
I have lost all hope
That someday I will truly be his
Nyx
I wake up and I wait to see
Where these next few steps will take me
I am walking away from the life I lived before
To walk alone again once more
There are no serpents in the grass
Just a jackal with a latch
I must be careful as I make my move
I must brace myself and keep my head held high
Today is the first day of my official good bye
Nyx
Sometimes I think that I am beaten
Sometimes I think that I am done
That is when I stop and remember
Everything that you have done
These actions drive me forward
These memories that you made
You were the one I trusted
My life was in your hands
Everything I did to make you proud of me
Everything I did I wanted you to see
I was your daughter
I was the one you were supposed to protect
Instead all you did was lie to me
Confuse me with truths mixed with lies
Until all I wanted was to escape you
Everything I have done
Is a result of what you did
Everything I do
Is a fight to beat you
You are the reason I am who I am
Yet you are the reason I still breathe
You are the reason I stand
Well dear father someday you will see
What you created
What you made
Someday you will see
That you will never beat me
I may be bruised
My bones may break
I may wake up everyday and suffer
From eternal heartache
But when all is lost I see what you have done
This is what drives me forward
This is what makes me carry on
I will fight for those born to suffer
What you have put me through
I will fight through the pain
I will fight because I have no choice
There was no turning back when I broke the silence
There was no turning back when I used my voice
Nyx
She exists in shadows
Wishing she could forget
The day she first saw you
The smile across your face
If only there was a way
That the memory could be erased
These memories of perfection
Eat at her heart
She should have know there would be a cost
Right from the start
She followed you without thought
Loving you more than life
She wept as you left her
When she needed you so
The last thing she said was my love please don’t go
Nyx
Image source http://www.flickr.com/himitsuhana/2462326596/
Words From The Borderline 
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