At this moment I trust no one
At this moment my hope in others is gone
I feel no joy in the company that I keep
My heart has been ripped open
By all of the promises that have been broken
I shed no more tears today
I have said all there is to say
I have lost something I once had
I no longer have the ability to retain an emotion
I don’t even know what sadness feels like anymore
All I know is agony
Then I feel the apathy
Then I feel the rage
This is all I have left
Nyx
I feel my body weighed down
It is so hard to walk
It is so hard to breathe
This weight it crushes me
Weighs me down from the outside in
At this moment I feel nothing
I am just pushed down by it all
Gulping for air
With no cry for help
No way to swim
No way to shout
This is when I give in
I sit here and I dream
About a life without the pain
On the inside I just scream
In my chest it is always the same
The pain stabs through my heart
It tears right through my soul
Taking everything that I am
Until I lose control
My mind shuts down
My stomach turns
As I grow more weary
I am sick of the dark
I am sick of the dread
I do not have voices in my head
I do not have demons clawing at me
What I have is only
Complete and total agony
On the inside I scream
With each heartbeat
With each breath
I long for peace
I long for rest
Nyx
I wish I knew what was wrong with me
Sometimes I wish that I couldn’t see
I wish I was blind to everything
I wish I was blind to everyone
I just want to escape this life
I just want to be someone else
I don’t want to feel this pain anymore
I don’t want to feel anything at all
What is it that I am fighting for
Is it freedom, or is it something more
Maybe I will find the answer
Or maybe I will never get that far
I guess it doesn’t really matter
I am still locked inside a cage
With agony trapped inside
Mixed with sorrow and with rage
Here I am again, back and forth I go
I would love to feel peace for just a moment
I would love for my heart rate to slow
I give up on hopes and wishes
I give up on dreams today
I just want to lay here tonight
Dead inside as I wait for the sun to rise
Nyx
And here I sit
Thinking sometimes I would rather die than live
What the hell do I have left to give
Always a struggle and it’s never enough
My emotions swing me up and down
Right know I’d ask any one to hold me under and let me drown
Breathing in water hurts
But not as bad as living this fucking life
Put me out I ask
Put me out of this circus that is my life
Put me out and give me peace
Nyx
© Nyx0519
