Drifting

I sit here and slip away

My body shuts down

I am lost

But I want to be found

I am reaching out for help today

It is like I am looking back

Yet here I am in the present

This haze of a person with no core self

Please someone help me

Please hold my hand

Please give me the strength

Please give me the foundation

To find the ground

To stop falling

To stand

Nyx

Disclaimer

I appreciate all of my friends here. Thank you for all your kind words, all your support. It means more to me than you could ever know. ūüíē

Until I say goodbye

There is no grey

I will hate you today

I will love you tomorrow

You will be the focus of my feelings

You will see my sorrow

All I see is black and white

Until I say goodbye

I can no longer stay

It hurts too much inside

All I do is wait

To hear the final lie

This is when I shut down

And let myself cry

Nyx

Into the abyss

I feel my body as it starts to shut down

In this moment I have no hope

I find no ground

I fall into the darkness

Into the abyss of my mind

I no longer care

I have no sense of time

I no longer hope

I no longer fear

All I do is sit here

Falling further down

Until I find the water

And let myself drown

 

To my readers and the people who care about my posts,

When I write, it is not always literal, it is not always about the present. Please do not interpret anything literally. I only say this, because I know that I have readers who think that what I write is always at this moment, and that is not the case. I will not always say when or where or how these poems come to me. I always appreciate everyones empathy, concern, and happiness when I post my poems. Please keep in mind that these posts are not always what they seem, they are not always literal, and they are definitely not always present day.  Please know that I appreciate everyone who enjoys my writing. I just think this needed to be said. To everyone who reads and supports my poems, I appreciate the hell out of you.   Peace and Love, Nyx 

Until I slip away

You keep yourself

Just beyond my reach

When you are ready

You pull me down below

Drown me in water

Or you throw me sideways

Through the window

With all the shards of glass

And the water I cannot swallow

You torture me until I slip away

Nyx

Lost in the dark 

I am lost in the dark 

Running so far 

It’s never fast enough 

To forget what I have seen 

Never fast enough 

To forget who I thought you were 

I thought that I would be true to you 

No matter what you do 

I was wrong 

Nyx 

 

When my soul is gone 

Sometimes despair drags me down 

Through this haze of memories 

Through years of turmoil 

My body sinks 

Until it is anchored down 

Then the rooms fills with water 

As I lay chained to the ground 

Once again I gulp for air 

Until I can no longer breathe 

This is when the emptiness comes 

This is when my soul is gone 

Nyx

No more tears today 

At this moment I trust no one 

At this moment my hope in others is gone 

I feel no joy in the company that I keep 

My heart has been ripped open

By all of the promises that have been broken

I shed no more tears today 

I have said all there is to say 

I have lost something I once had 

I no longer have the ability to retain an emotion 

I don’t even know what sadness feels like anymore 

All I know is agony 

Then I feel the apathy

Then I feel the rage 

This is all I have left 

Nyx 

Float away 

I feel my skin burn within 

I feel my heart shatter 

I cannot help but ask myself 

Why does anything matter 

I try to make it through each day 

I try to hold my head high

I show a smile upon my face 

A smile that isn’t real 

All I want is peace from this life 

I no longer want to feel 

I wish that I was ignorant to everything 

I wish that I was ignorant to everyone 

I wish that I was dumb 

What I wish for the most is 

The ability to stay numb 

To be lost to this world forever 

To float away in the sky 

To say, so long and farewell 

Just to say goodbye 
Nyx

Remember

I exist as a shell

My soul in eternal hell

The pain is too much

So I shut it all away

Lost again today

Lost my will to live

I did the best I could

I tried to distract

I tried to talk it through

I tried to push away from myself

Before I slammed the knife through

Yet here I am

Bleeding on the inside

Not bleeding out

I am grateful and yet I am not

For the battles I have fought and won

I fight for strength but today I have gone numb

Succumb to the pain I can no longer endure

All I can do is remember what I fight for

 

Nyx

Mortar and stone

I long to be covered in brick

With mortar and stone

With walls so thick

No one can get to me

No one can push through

Just leave me alone

That is all that I ask of you