trapped

Reality

/ Nyx / 1 Comment

Today I wanted to stay in my dreams

There was no pain or hardship there

I didn’t want to wake up to this reality

The reality of the loneliness in my life

The reality of the skin I live in

The reality of the shame I feel

I wish it all wasn’t real

Nyx

In my skin

/ Nyx / 9 Comments

I wish that I could escape

From my own mind

But I am stuck here

With my thoughts

With my self hate

Every moment of every day

I hate being in my skin

Nyx

The Pit

/ Nyx / 4 Comments

I am alone again

My thoughts have slowed down

I slept and then woke up to sadness

Once again not knowing what to do

At least I have my furry companions

They lay beside me now

Taking away a little piece of the pain

That pulls the rest of me away

My will is broken

The sadness is too strong

It keeps me trapped here in the darkness

Wishing it will end

Wishing I will see the light again

No matter what I do

No matter what I say

No matter where I go

The sadness never goes away

It is like an endless pit

That nothing will ever fill

I can climb it and think I’m getting better

I can climb so high

Then I scream

Then I shout

But I fear I will never make it out

Nyx

Trapped in hell

/ Nyx / 3 Comments

I hear the gate slam

As I fall into the flames

All I feel is emptiness and pain

I lie in the darkness

No longer wanting to exist in this world

With the gate slammed shut

I find my resolve

I have accepted my fate

I can not save myself

From my own mind

I just want to feel the flames

For the last time

Nyx

When my soul is gone 

/ Nyx / 8 Comments

Sometimes despair drags me down

Through this haze of memories

Through years of turmoil

My body sinks

Until it is anchored down

Then the room fills with water

As I lay chained to the ground

Once again I gulp for air

Until I can no longer breathe

This is when the emptiness comes

This is when my soul is gone

Nyx

Jackal with a latch 

/ Nyx / 2 Comments

I wake up and I wait to see 

Where these next few steps will take me

I am walking away from the life I lived before 

To walk alone again once more 

There are no serpents in the grass 

Just a jackal with a latch 

I must be careful as I make my move 

I must brace myself and keep my head held high 

Today is the first day of my official good bye 

Nyx

Dead Inside

/ Nyx / 15 Comments

I wish I knew what was wrong with me

Sometimes I wish that I couldn’t see

I wish I was blind to everything

I wish I was blind to everyone

I just want to escape this life

I just want to be someone else

I don’t want to feel this pain anymore

I don’t want to feel anything at all

What is it that I am fighting for

Is it freedom, or is it something more

Maybe I will find the answer

Or maybe I will never get that far

I guess it doesn’t really matter

I am still locked inside a cage

With agony trapped inside

Mixed with sorrow and with rage

Here I am again, back and forth I go

I would love to feel peace for just a moment

I would love for my heart rate to slow

I give up on hopes and wishes

I give up on dreams today

I just want to lay here tonight

Dead inside as I wait for the sun to rise

 

Nyx

Caged 

/ Nyx / 14 Comments

So many people around me

Yet I feel so alone 

Like a caged animal I sit here 

Silent but ready to escape 

Music # 2

/ Nyx / 14 Comments

My mind races

As my heart paces

My thoughts a jumbled mess

I try to still my mind…try not to think about the stress

I need my music…I need to sing

This is my solace…my music…my voice

I feel trapped…I feel contained

I want someone to release me

I am so grateful for the sound and the passion that music brings

In this moment I am free