Today I wanted to stay in my dreams
There was no pain or hardship there
I didn’t want to wake up to this reality
The reality of the loneliness in my life
The reality of the skin I live in
The reality of the shame I feel
I wish it all wasn’t real
Nyx
poems
In my skin
I wish that I could escape
From my own mind
But I am stuck here
With my thoughts
With my self hate
Every moment of every day
I hate being in my skin
Nyx
Comfortably numb
I am shrouded in darkness
Away from the light of the sun
I love it when thunder roars
And the rain starts to pour
I love the sound as it hits the ground
I love the light as it sparks with fury
As bolts shoot from the sky
And I love the color grey
Before everything turns black
I find comfort in the storm
The chaos of the clouds
Reminds me of my life
And the paradox of comfort from pain
Because it is all I know
Fear and anger
Sadness and agony
Tears that I can not stop from falling
Until a spark of awareness
Brings me back to reality
And takes the tears away
This awareness shuts me down
Until I am comfortably numb
Enjoying the lack of pain
Until the new cycle has begun
Nyx
Nothing Left to Say
There are so many words that I have said
There are so many words that I have written
None of it really matters
When I am talking into the wind
When a face becomes a shadow
Where a person used to be
The words they are so hollow
No one ever really hears me
I am not a person
I am a just a thing
All I can do is hope
That my heart will beat someday
In the meantime, I sit here
I have nothing left to say
Nyx
Solace in the dark
Sitting in the dark
Crying again
Letting go of another person
Another strip of my heart is gone
The pain is so great
That I have to shut down
If I didn’t I would break completely
There is no coming back from this
There is no way to change it
I’m still here breathing
Enduring it all
I feel comfort in this time
I have found solitude
I have found solace in the darkness
It is where I belong
There is no human for me
There never will be
Nyx
Covered in paint and powder
She suffers in ways
That no one can see
The agony gets swept aside
By the powder she spreads across her face
Covering the darkness
Covering the scars
There is no part left to be seen
She covers it all
Underneath the paint
Underneath the skin
The darkness hides the flame
The fire that keeps her alive
The anger makes her move
When all hope is lost
Everyday a piece is taken
Living her life at this high cost
Broken and bleeding
Mended here and there
How she longs to have been anyone else, anywhere
Her pleas are unheard
Her tears are unseen
She will exist as she is
A plastered doll covered in paint and powder
Living in shame
I hear her as she screams louder
While she burns from within
Nyx
Dreams of peace
Will I find the peace I seek
I have hope in my heart tonight
I lay here in the dark
Under the glow of the stars
The minutes tick by
They become hours
There is peace in the silence, I feel it
I will live in this moment
These fleeting moments I must treasure
This is all I know
It has taken so long to feel this peace
I hope when the sun rises
My dreams will be real
Nyx
Still drifting
I walk this world a wanderer
Drifting from here to there
It is hard to believe I am still breathing
But here I am still wandering the land
Some days I wish I was not me
Somedays I wish I was gone
Today I sit here, still breathing
Always fighting through the pain
Always fighting to hold on
I will remain as I have always been
A wanderer running away from sin
Running away from my shame
There is no one here to blame
I left them when I drifted
Along this path in life
I had to let them go
I had to say goodbye
I will never stop moving
There is no home for me
Wandering here then moving forward
This is who I was meant to be
Nyx
There is no cure
Today I wish I wasn’t me
Like I have so many days before
What I suffer from
There is no cure
As I lay here in the dark
I find comfort in my dreams
There is no pain there
I do not remember
Happiness lasting very long
No matter what I have done
No matter where I have gone
Nothing can replace what was taken from me
I cannot regrow my soul
I long for death
But darkness is not finished with me yet
I know now that I cannot be different
I was not made to feel joy or love
All I can do is hope that there is peace
From some shining light above
In the mean time
I am here
Laying in the dark
Feeling empty and broken
Because everyone is gone
Every part of me was stolen
I feel so alone
It is so hard to go on
I wish for death every single day
There is nothing that anyone can do
There is nothing that anyone can say
That will ever make me want to get up
That will make me believe anything today
Nyx
Why I exist
Today I felt it all
I shared my tale
Of heartbreak and pain
But I also told them
What it is I fight for
Why I am still here
I have a purpose in this life
That is why I have to live it
Even though I have fallen
Many times before
Even though I will fall again
This i am sure
I will always get back up
Because they need me here
They need someone who can stand up
And take away their fear
They need someone who understands
They need someone to listen
I will be what I need to be for them
That is why I exist
That is who I am
Nyx
