poems

Still drifting

/ Nyx / 4 Comments

I walk this world a wanderer

Drifting from here to there

It is hard to believe I am still breathing

But here I am still wandering the land

Some days I wish I was not me

Somedays I wish I was gone

Today I sit here, still breathing

Always fighting through the pain

Always fighting to hold on

I will remain as I have always been

A wanderer running away from sin

Running away from my shame

There is no one here to blame

I left them when I drifted

Along this path in life

I had to let them go

I had to say goodbye

I will never stop moving

There is no home for me

Wandering here then moving forward

This is who I was meant to be

Nyx

There is no cure

/ Nyx / 10 Comments

Today I wish I wasn’t me

Like I have so many days before

What I suffer from

There is no cure

As I lay here in the dark

I find comfort in my dreams

There is no pain there

I do not remember

Happiness lasting very long

No matter what I have done

No matter where I have gone

Nothing can replace what was taken from me

I cannot regrow my soul

I long for death

But darkness is not finished with me yet

I know now that I cannot be different

I was not made to feel joy or love

All I can do is hope that there is peace

From some shining light above

In the mean time

I am here

Laying in the dark

Feeling empty and broken

Because everyone is gone

Every part of me was stolen

I feel so alone

It is so hard to go on

I wish for death every single day

There is nothing that anyone can do

There is nothing that anyone can say

That will ever make me want to get up

That will make me believe anything today

Nyx

Why I exist

/ Nyx / 4 Comments

Today I felt it all

I shared my tale

Of heartbreak and pain

But I also told them

What it is I fight for

Why I am still here

I have a purpose in this life

That is why I have to live it

Even though I have fallen

Many times before

Even though I will fall again

This i am sure

I will always get back up

Because they need me here

They need someone who can stand up

And take away their fear

They need someone who understands

They need someone to listen

I will be what I need to be for them

That is why I exist

That is who I am

Nyx

Remember

/ Nyx / 10 Comments

I exist as a shell

My soul in eternal hell

The pain is too much

So I shut it all away

Lost again today

Lost my will to live

I did the best I could

I tried to distract

I tried to talk it through

I tried to push away from myself

Before I slammed the knife through

Yet here I am

Bleeding on the inside

Not bleeding out

I am grateful and yet I am not

For the battles I have fought and won

I fight for strength but today I have gone numb

Succumb to the pain I can no longer endure

All I can do is remember what I fight for

 

Nyx

Goodbye to yesterday 

/ Nyx / 7 Comments

In this life so much is uncertain 

So much is unseen 

There is so much doubt 

One thing I do know 

Is that love is real 

I know it when I look in your eyes

I know it when I hear your voice 

I know it when I feel myself 

Being pulled toward you with a force I can not stop 

A force I can not control 

A force so strong that nothing can keep me from you 

There is no doubt 

There is no fear 

There is only love 

Love that I know will only continue to grow

Night after night 

Year after year 

When my heart races I know yours does the same 

When I am in pain I hear you scream my name 

Because you are my other half

The other side of my soul 

Now I know what it feels like to be whole

Now I know what it feels like to have no doubt or fear 

Because I have found you my love 

Because I have found you my dear 

I will hold your hand in mine as we walk together this way 

Together we step in sync as we say goodbye to yesterday 
Nyx

Strength 

/ Nyx / 9 Comments

I wake up with renewed strength 

I do not know how I feel this way 

I do not know how I find the will 

To wake up and carry on 

But somehow this is what I do 

Day after day 

I wake up and I move 

Hoping this day will be better than the last

Nyx

Leave me where I stand 

/ Nyx / 3 Comments

As the sun rises

As the sun sets

Darkness stands beside me

Placing bets

Will she join me

Will she walk away

I look at him and see the agony in the dark

I let go of his hand

Not today darkness

Leave me where I stand

Nyx

With every step 

/ Nyx / 7 Comments

Even though I am thrown 

I somehow find my way 

Somehow I have grown

Into something new 

Somehow I have grown 

Smarter with every step 

All that I can say 

Is that I will not give up 

No matter what comes my way 

I will not stop 

Because I survive 

That is what I do 

Nyx

I long for peace

/ Nyx / 8 Comments

I sit here and I dream 

About a life without the pain 

On the inside I just scream 

In my chest it is always the same 

The pain stabs through my heart 

It tears right through my soul 

Taking everything that I am 

Until I lose control 

My mind shuts down 

My stomach turns 

As I grow more weary

I am sick of the dark 

I am sick of the dread 

I do not have voices in my head 

I do not have demons clawing at me 

What I have is only 

Complete and total agony 

On the inside I scream 

With each heartbeat 

With each breath 

I long for peace 

I long for rest 
Nyx