Nothing Left to Say

There are so many words that I have said

There are so many words that I have written

None of it really matters

When I am talking into the wind

When a face becomes a shadow

Where a person used to be

The words they are so hollow

No one ever really hears me

I am not a person

I am a just a thing

All I can do is hope

That my heart will beat someday

In the meantime, I sit here

I have nothing left to say

Nyx

Solace in the dark

Sitting in the dark

Crying again

Letting go of another person

Another strip of my heart is gone

The pain is so great

That I have to shut down

If I didn’t I would break completely

There is no coming back from this

There is no way to change it

I’m still here breathing

Enduring it all

I feel comfort in this time

I have found solitude

I have found solace in the darkness

It is where I belong

There is no human for me

There never will be

Nyx

Covered in paint and powder

She suffers in ways

That no one can see

The agony gets swept aside

By the powder she spreads across her face

Covering the darkness

Covering the scars

There is no part left to be seen

She covers it all

Underneath the paint

Underneath the skin

The darkness hides the flame

The fire that keeps her alive

The anger makes her move

When all hope is lost

Everyday a piece is taken

Living her life at this high cost

Broken and bleeding

Mended here and there

How she longs to have been anyone else, anywhere

Her pleas are unheard

Her tears are unseen

She will exist as she is

A plastered doll covered in paint and powder

Living in shame

I hear her as she screams louder

While she burns from within

Nyx

Dreams of peace

Will I find the peace I seek

I have hope in my heart tonight

I lay here in the dark

Under the glow of the stars

The minutes tick by

They become hours

There is peace in the silence, I feel it

I will live in this moment

These fleeting moments I must treasure

This is all I know

It has taken so long to feel this peace

I hope when the sun rises

My dreams will be real

Nyx

Still drifting

I walk this world a wanderer

Drifting from here to there

It is hard to believe I am still breathing

But here I am still wandering the land

Some days I wish I was not me

Somedays I wish I was gone

Today I sit here, still breathing

Always fighting through the pain

Always fighting to hold on

I will remain as I have always been

A wanderer running away from sin

Running away from my shame

There is no one here to blame

I left them when I drifted

Along this path in life

I had to let them go

I had to say goodbye

I will never stop moving

There is no home for me

Wandering here then moving forward

This is who I was meant to be

Nyx

There is no cure

Today I wish I wasn’t me

Like I have so many days before

What I suffer from

There is no cure

As I lay here in the dark

I find comfort in my dreams

There is no pain there

I do not remember

Happiness lasting very long

No matter what I have done

No matter where I have gone

Nothing can replace what was taken from me

I cannot regrow my soul

I long for death

But darkness is not finished with me yet

I know now that I cannot be different

I was not made to feel joy or love

All I can do is hope that there is peace

From some shining light above

In the mean time

I am here

Laying in the dark

Feeling empty and broken

Because everyone is gone

Every part of me was stolen

I feel so alone

It is so hard to go on

I wish for death every single day

There is nothing that anyone can do

There is nothing that anyone can say

That will ever make me want to get up

That will make me believe anything today

Nyx

Why I exist

Today I felt it all

I shared my tale

Of heartbreak and pain

But I also told them

What it is I fight for

Why I am still here

I have a purpose in this life

That is why I have to live it

Even though I have fallen

Many times before

Even though I will fall again

This i am sure

I will always get back up

Because they need me here

They need someone who can stand up

And take away their fear

They need someone who understands

They need someone to listen

I will be what I need to be for them

That is why I exist

That is who I am

Nyx

Remember

I exist as a shell

My soul in eternal hell

The pain is too much

So I shut it all away

Lost again today

Lost my will to live

I did the best I could

I tried to distract

I tried to talk it through

I tried to push away from myself

Before I slammed the knife through

Yet here I am

Bleeding on the inside

Not bleeding out

I am grateful and yet I am not

For the battles I have fought and won

I fight for strength but today I have gone numb

Succumb to the pain I can no longer endure

All I can do is remember what I fight for

 

Nyx

Goodbye to yesterday 

In this life so much is uncertain 

So much is unseen 

There is so much doubt 

One thing I do know 

Is that love is real 

I know it when I look in your eyes

I know it when I hear your voice 

I know it when I feel myself 

Being pulled toward you with a force I can not stop 

A force I can not control 

A force so strong that nothing can keep me from you 

There is no doubt 

There is no fear 

There is only love 

Love that I know will only continue to grow

Night after night 

Year after year 

When my heart races I know yours does the same 

When I am in pain I hear you scream my name 

Because you are my other half

The other side of my soul 

Now I know what it feels like to be whole

Now I know what it feels like to have no doubt or fear 

Because I have found you my love 

Because I have found you my dear 

I will hold your hand in mine as we walk together this way 

Together we step in sync as we say goodbye to yesterday 
Nyx