I try to cherish these moments
These moments of clarity
These moments when I feel ok
This fleeting time has come and gone
The hours and days go faster
All I can do is hope that some day
I will find my happily ever after
Nyx
poems
There is no escaping who you are
What do you do when you want to escape your own skin
What do you do when you are tired of the emptiness
What do you do when your tired of that uneasy feeling
There is no escaping who you are
Nyx
Pushed perceptions
Today is another
Day like yesterday
I try to find something
Anything that will make me want to get up
I wish I could just be happy
Instead I just feel lost
I try to think of things in a positive way
I try to think it’s great that I woke up today
But for all the positive quotes I read
All the pushed perceptions that should make this better
I still sit here empty
I still sit here in sorrow
Longing for a life I never had
Nyx
Will I find myself again
I wake up feeling this tension
It wraps around my heart
I wake up with good intention
But I feel this anxiety
It is there as soon as I wake
Can I get through this day
Without feeling my heart break
Can I get through this day
Feeling better at the end
Will I find myself again
Nyx
Reality
Today I wanted to stay in my dreams
There was no pain or hardship there
I didn’t want to wake up to this reality
The reality of the loneliness in my life
The reality of the skin I live in
The reality of the shame I feel
I wish it all wasn’t real
Nyx
In my skin
I wish that I could escape
From my own mind
But I am stuck here
With my thoughts
With my self hate
Every moment of every day
I hate being in my skin
Nyx
Comfortably numb
I am shrouded in darkness
Away from the light of the sun
I love it when thunder roars
And the rain starts to pour
I love the sound as it hits the ground
I love the light as it sparks with fury
As bolts shoot from the sky
And I love the color grey
Before everything turns black
I find comfort in the storm
The chaos of the clouds
Reminds me of my life
And the paradox of comfort from pain
Because it is all I know
Fear and anger
Sadness and agony
Tears that I can not stop from falling
Until a spark of awareness
Brings me back to reality
And takes the tears away
This awareness shuts me down
Until I am comfortably numb
Enjoying the lack of pain
Until the new cycle has begun
Nyx
Nothing Left to Say
There are so many words that I have said
There are so many words that I have written
None of it really matters
When I am talking into the wind
When a face becomes a shadow
Where a person used to be
The words they are so hollow
No one ever really hears me
I am not a person
I am a just a thing
All I can do is hope
That my heart will beat someday
In the meantime, I sit here
I have nothing left to say
Nyx
Solace in the dark
Sitting in the dark
Crying again
Letting go of another person
Another strip of my heart is gone
The pain is so great
That I have to shut down
If I didn’t I would break completely
There is no coming back from this
There is no way to change it
I’m still here breathing
Enduring it all
I feel comfort in this time
I have found solitude
I have found solace in the darkness
It is where I belong
There is no human for me
There never will be
Nyx
Covered in paint and powder
She suffers in ways
That no one can see
The agony gets swept aside
By the powder she spreads across her face
Covering the darkness
Covering the scars
There is no part left to be seen
She covers it all
Underneath the paint
Underneath the skin
The darkness hides the flame
The fire that keeps her alive
The anger makes her move
When all hope is lost
Everyday a piece is taken
Living her life at this high cost
Broken and bleeding
Mended here and there
How she longs to have been anyone else, anywhere
Her pleas are unheard
Her tears are unseen
She will exist as she is
A plastered doll covered in paint and powder
Living in shame
I hear her as she screams louder
While she burns from within
Nyx
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