poems

Today

/ Nyx / 4 Comments

I’ve been avoiding the sunlight

I’ve been avoiding my life

I am so tired of many things

Most of all I am tired of myself

Tired of the shame

Tired of the pain

Tired of existing as I am

What is the point of life

If I am unable to live it

Why give me so much love

And then make it so hard to give it

I have to find some hope

Because I have lost it again

The pain is so extreme

The pain is too much

There has to be a reason

There has to be a way

To pull myself away from this darkness

Once again today

Nyx

Dancing Together

/ Nyx / Leave a comment

I see us in a dream

Dancing around the room together

Smiles are all I see

Laughter is all I hear

In this haze that could be today

In this haze that could be tomorrow

Or from a different time and place

These memories flood me

That my soul could not erase

Of us dancing together

I believe we are more than this lifetime

You were always mine

Nyx

Home

/ Nyx / 2 Comments

My heart springs open

Creaking loudly from being closed so long

Have I found my person

Have I found my home

Have I finally found the piece

Offering me my sweet release

Have I finally found the one

After so much darkness

Is he the sun

Nyx

Happily ever after

/ Nyx / 7 Comments

I try to cherish these moments

These moments of clarity

These moments when I feel ok

This fleeting time has come and gone

The hours and days go faster

All I can do is hope that some day

I will find my happily ever after

Nyx

There is no escaping who you are

/ Nyx / 4 Comments

What do you do when you want to escape your own skin

What do you do when you are tired of the emptiness

What do you do when your tired of that uneasy feeling

There is no escaping who you are

Nyx

Pushed perceptions

/ Nyx / 4 Comments

Today is another

Day like yesterday

I try to find something

Anything that will make me want to get up

I wish I could just be happy

Instead I just feel lost

I try to think of things in a positive way

I try to think it’s great that I woke up today

But for all the positive quotes I read

All the pushed perceptions that should make this better

I still sit here empty

I still sit here in sorrow

Longing for a life I never had

Nyx

Will I find myself again

/ Nyx / 8 Comments

I wake up feeling this tension

It wraps around my heart

I wake up with good intention

But I feel this anxiety

It is there as soon as I wake

Can I get through this day

Without feeling my heart break

Can I get through this day

Feeling better at the end

Will I find myself again

Nyx

Reality

/ Nyx / 1 Comment

Today I wanted to stay in my dreams

There was no pain or hardship there

I didn’t want to wake up to this reality

The reality of the loneliness in my life

The reality of the skin I live in

The reality of the shame I feel

I wish it all wasn’t real

Nyx

In my skin

/ Nyx / 9 Comments

I wish that I could escape

From my own mind

But I am stuck here

With my thoughts

With my self hate

Every moment of every day

I hate being in my skin

Nyx

Comfortably numb

/ Nyx / 11 Comments

I am shrouded in darkness

Away from the light of the sun

I love it when thunder roars

And the rain starts to pour

I love the sound as it hits the ground

I love the light as it sparks with fury

As bolts shoot from the sky

And I love the color grey

Before everything turns black

I find comfort in the storm

The chaos of the clouds

Reminds me of my life

And the paradox of comfort from pain

Because it is all I know

Fear and anger

Sadness and agony

Tears that I can not stop from falling

Until a spark of awareness

Brings me back to reality

And takes the tears away

This awareness shuts me down

Until I am comfortably numb

Enjoying the lack of pain

Until the new cycle has begun

Nyx