Happily ever after

I try to cherish these moments

These moments of clarity

These moments when I feel ok

This fleeting time has come and gone

The hours and days go faster

All I can do is hope that some day

I will find my happily ever after

Nyx

There is no escaping who you are

What do you do when you want to escape your own skin

What do you do when you are tired of the emptiness

What do you do when your tired of that uneasy feeling

There is no escaping who you are

Nyx

Pushed perceptions

Today is another

Day like yesterday

I try to find something

Anything that will make me want to get up

I wish I could just be happy

Instead I just feel lost

I try to think of things in a positive way

I try to think it’s great that I woke up today

But for all the positive quotes I read

All the pushed perceptions that should make this better

I still sit here empty

I still sit here in sorrow

Longing for a life I never had

Nyx

Will I find myself again

I wake up feeling this tension

It wraps around my heart

I wake up with good intention

But I feel this anxiety

It is there as soon as I wake

Can I get through this day

Without feeling my heart break

Can I get through this day

Feeling better at the end

Will I find myself again

Nyx

Reality

Today I wanted to stay in my dreams

There was no pain or hardship there

I didn’t want to wake up to this reality

The reality of the loneliness in my life

The reality of the skin I live in

The reality of the shame I feel

I wish it all wasn’t real

Nyx

In my skin

I wish that I could escape

From my own mind

But I am stuck here

With my thoughts

With my self hate

Every moment of every day

I hate being in my skin

Nyx

Comfortably numb

I am shrouded in darkness

Away from the light of the sun

I love it when thunder roars

And the rain starts to pour

I love the sound as it hits the ground

I love the light as it sparks with fury

As bolts shoot from the sky

And I love the color grey

Before everything turns black

I find comfort in the storm

The chaos of the clouds

Reminds me of my life

And the paradox of comfort from pain

Because it is all I know

Fear and anger

Sadness and agony

Tears that I can not stop from falling

Until a spark of awareness

Brings me back to reality

And takes the tears away

This awareness shuts me down

Until I am comfortably numb

Enjoying the lack of pain

Until the new cycle has begun

Nyx

Nothing Left to Say

There are so many words that I have said

There are so many words that I have written

None of it really matters

When I am talking into the wind

When a face becomes a shadow

Where a person used to be

The words they are so hollow

No one ever really hears me

I am not a person

I am a just a thing

All I can do is hope

That my heart will beat someday

In the meantime, I sit here

I have nothing left to say

Nyx

Solace in the dark

Sitting in the dark

Crying again

Letting go of another person

Another strip of my heart is gone

The pain is so great

That I have to shut down

If I didn’t I would break completely

There is no coming back from this

There is no way to change it

I’m still here breathing

Enduring it all

I feel comfort in this time

I have found solitude

I have found solace in the darkness

It is where I belong

There is no human for me

There never will be

Nyx

Covered in paint and powder

She suffers in ways

That no one can see

The agony gets swept aside

By the powder she spreads across her face

Covering the darkness

Covering the scars

There is no part left to be seen

She covers it all

Underneath the paint

Underneath the skin

The darkness hides the flame

The fire that keeps her alive

The anger makes her move

When all hope is lost

Everyday a piece is taken

Living her life at this high cost

Broken and bleeding

Mended here and there

How she longs to have been anyone else, anywhere

Her pleas are unheard

Her tears are unseen

She will exist as she is

A plastered doll covered in paint and powder

Living in shame

I hear her as she screams louder

While she burns from within

Nyx