past pain

In my skin

/ Nyx / 9 Comments

I wish that I could escape

From my own mind

But I am stuck here

With my thoughts

With my self hate

Every moment of every day

I hate being in my skin

Nyx

Lingers

/ Nyx / 9 Comments

I am always reminded

Of the uncertainty in this life

Of the things that I have lost

Of the cruelty

Of the ones who look away

And the ones who do not stay

I am left a wanderer

Lost in this world

Yet driven to be more than what I am

Pushing myself every day to stand

Sometimes the pain grips me so hard

I feel myself slowly

Being torn apart

I try never to forget

What it is I fight for

I try not to forget

What it felt like

When I walked out the door

I no longer know who I am

I no longer know who I was before

I sit here broken

Longing for something I will never get

The pain it lingers

But it has not defeated me yet

Nyx

My heart a broken stone

/ Nyx / 14 Comments

And another walks away

Like so many have before

That is just what they do

Before I feel the knife slam through

The loneliness and the pain

It always feels the same

Who have I become

I exist and yet

I am no one

I walk this world alone

My heart a broken stone

The cracks they chip away

A little more each day

This is the way it must be

Until there is nothing left of me

Nyx

Believe

/ Nyx / 12 Comments

Everyday I fight

I put one foot in front of the other

Some days I fall

Others I keep walking

I try not to think

About what has happened before

When I think about my past

I open a door

Within it is this person

So lonely and so still

She sits there in silence

Broken with no will

This is something I strive not to be

This image that is broken in front of me

There is more to life than this

There is more to live for

There is more to see

I just have to once again remind myself

All I have to do

Is believe in me

Nyx

Because of you

/ Nyx / 1 Comment

I have lost faith in the world

Because of you

I believe in nothing

Because of you

You had a mouth full of promises

But a pocket full of secrets

All the lies that you told me

All the things that I did not see

They almost caused my demise

Why couldn’t I see it in your eyes

Why couldn’t I see the lies

Maybe my heart will beat again someday

It does not beat today

Nyx

Disclaimer

This was inspired from the song mouthful of diamonds from the band phantogram.

Great song.

Pandora’s box

/ Nyx / 5 Comments

I sit here numb

To everything around me

I feel the world cave in

As I look down at the water

I feel the apathy

As I make my choice

A choice I have made before

With every closing door

I take one last moment

To let myself feel the pain

It cuts so deep

I will never be the same

I look at the sky

Before I jump

Into the cold water below

This is where I belong

So this is where I go

When all is lost

I will take myself there

To Pandora’s box

Hoping for the darkness

Hoping for some peace

Hoping that this time

I do not come back

I just want the darkness

I just want to see the sky

I just want to see the sea

Then I want to die

Nyx

Escape

/ Nyx / 1 Comment

Apathy is my friend

It is the only way I will survive

Disconnect or die

This is what I feel

I have known all along

That happiness isn’t real

Those moments of peace..

They never last

I am haunted by the present

I am haunted by the past

There is no escape

From the pain I feel inside

There is no escape from the memories

There is no escape from the lies

Everyone I have let in

Has thrown a brick at me

I feel myself as I sink

Below the beautiful sea

This is the only way

I will ever be free

Nyx

Side effects 

/ Nyx / 6 Comments

I feel my chest start pounding

But I can not control it 

The anxiety is growing 

There is nothing I can do 

This is the side effect 

Reminding me of what I went through 

I can not change 

What I have done 

I can not change the past 

All I can do is keep moving 

All I can do is keep fighting 

Until I have won 

Nyx

Until I slip away

/ Nyx / 8 Comments

You keep yourself

Just beyond my reach

When you are ready

You pull me down below

Drown me in water

Or you throw me sideways

Through the window

With all the shards of glass

And the water I cannot swallow

You torture me until I slip away

Nyx

The clouds are closing in

/ Nyx / 3 Comments

Trying to push through today

But the clouds are closing in

They are there to remind me

That darkness hovers

It still exists within

Just beyond my currents thoughts

The darkness seeps through

I feel the pain as it starts to burn

Then I close my eyes and see

All the things I have seen before

And what is in front of me

The path is still there

It breaks off here again

Asking me if I want to go back

To my land of pretend

Nyx