This monster that you made

I feel my heart stop beating  

I feel myself break in half 

Why am I always left here 

Alone in this place 

How many demons must I conquer

To forget your face 

You have destroyed 

Only to recreate 

It is too late to change 

This monster that you made 

I try to dream 

I try to float away 

Instead I scream

As I drown on the inside

Remembering all the lies 

I try to live in this moment 

But this moment does not last 

What I would not give 

To be able to erase the past

Nyx 

How I breathe today 

When I reflect

When I stop

When I think about

Where I come from

All I feel is pain

An agony so piercing

An agony so deep

It is all consuming

This agony I feel

What I wouldn’t give

For it not to be real

These images of my past

And all the pain that they bring

Thankfully they do not last

Because I shut them away

This is how I survive

This is how I breathe today

Nyx

Jackal with a latch 

I wake up and I wait to see 

Where these next few steps will take me

I am walking away from the life I lived before 

To walk alone again once more 

There are no serpents in the grass 

Just a jackal with a latch 

I must be careful as I make my move 

I must brace myself and keep my head held high 

Today is the first day of my official good bye 

Nyx

My guardians of the night 

I write these lines to my guardians 

For the people who saved my life 

I will never forget you 

I owe my strength 

I owe my hope in humanity 

To each and every one of you 

To those who have fought for me 

For those who stood beside a lost child 

For those who showed me empathy 

I will never forget you 

In my heart you will always have a place 

Each and every one of you 

I will never forget your face

You have made me want to believe 

That angels do exist in this life 

For the few who fight for what is right 

You are my guardians of the night 
Nyx

Break the silence 

Sometimes I think that I am beaten 

Sometimes I think that I am done 

That is when I stop and remember 

Everything that you have done 

These actions drive me forward 

These memories that you made 

You were the one I trusted 

My life was in your hands 

Everything I did to make you proud of me 

Everything I did I wanted you to see 

I was your daughter 

I was the one you were supposed to protect 

Instead all you did was lie to me 

Confuse me with truths mixed with lies 

Until all I wanted was to escape you 

Everything I have done 

Is a result of what you did 

Everything I do 

Is a fight to beat you

You are the reason I am who I am 

Yet you are the reason I still breathe 

You are the reason I stand

Well dear father someday you will see

What you created 

What you made 

Someday you will see 

That you will never beat me 

I may be bruised 

My bones may break 

I may wake up everyday and suffer 

From eternal heartache 

But when all is lost I see what you have done 

This is what drives me forward 

This is what makes me carry on 

I will fight for those born to suffer 

What you have put me through 

I will fight through the pain 

I will fight because I have no choice 

There was no turning back when I broke the silence 

There was no turning back when I used my voice 
Nyx

Strike back 

Is everyone really against me 

Or have I just lost my mind 

I’m too lost to see 

Who is really genuine 

Who is really kind

I am reminded of a time 

When life was a consistent slap 

People would find me 

Shove me into a trap 

Lock the door then turn the key

 I was never weak you see

I was just waiting for that moment 

That perfect moment to strike back 

Lost among the mist 

Alone I float by 

Lost among the mist 

Constantly asking myself why 

Feeling the knife twist 

The past comes back to haunt me

No matter what I do 

You are the one who put me here

This I know is true 

You are the one I used to fear 

As time passes your face stays the same 

The pain I feel reminds me 

That my memory of you will always remain 

Nyx 

As the colors fade

Today I dream of fields with flowers 

Valleys and streams of beauty 

Today I see the colors light up the sky 

As the wind picks up and lifts the leaves up high 

I wait and watch as the colors fade…as the sun starts to set and the moon begins to rise 

It is in between this time…right before the darkness comes…that I see your eyes 

Nyx

The light has dawned again

The light has dawned again

A new day has come

I hate that I am reminded sometimes where I come from

Once again I bring myself out of that dark place

Once again I stand up and look past that face

Leave me alone darkness

I swear you will never win

Stay where you belong… live your own life of sin

Shut up

Watch the blood drip on the floor

Look for the lock on the door

I fear his anger more than blood 

I’d rather see the truth than hear the lies 

Don’t say your sorry when you don’t mean it

You see that speck 

Get over there and clean it 

Perfection on the outside destruction within 

Do you know what it is like to live in sin 

Until you have seen disgrace…don’t give me your opinions 

Don’t pretend to know what I have seen 

Don’t tell me what you think I should do 

Just shut the hell up…that’s all I want from you