No control

The panic hits me

Then I crash

I cannot control it

There is no turning back

It starts like a tidal wave

Rising and turning

My chest starts to pound

Then it starts burning

I breathe in the air

I listen for a sound

I feel the world close in around me

As the air leaves my lungs

I have no control

Today it has won

Nyx

Anxiety 

I try not to worry about tomorrow 

I try not to worry about yesterday 

Somehow this doesn’t matter 

No matter what I tell myself 

No matter what you say to me 

Anxiety, It takes away the words you say

It takes away my rational mind 

Until there is nothing left 

But this electricity is wired around me 

It is my bind

If only I could find a way to escape it 

Before I completely lose my mind 

Everything is worse to me than it seems

But maybe I can rest again in my dreams 

Nyx

Never slowing down

As my world spins and spins around me

My thoughts a shattered mess

I stop to think to myself

When is the next test

Waiting for the next battle

Never resting

Never slowing down

I only feel peace

When I listen to the sound

The music soothes my ranting mind

When I am chained and  bound

By everything that crashes through my head

When I think to myself I would be better off dead

When I want to be surrounded by nothing

I find the one thing that makes me feel human

The one thing that is always there

Peace is what I find

When music soothes my mind

Nyx

I wish 

I wish I could calm my beating heart 

I wish I could will the anxiety away

I wish I wasn’t so focused on being the best 

Sometimes I just cannot control myself

I wish my body and mind would just give me some peace and let me rest 

Mania

 

Sometime I just want to escape the world

Disappear into nothing

But mania brings me forward, makes me stand

My mania spins me round and round

People around me are sick of the sound

My words are too fast

I speak too much

I’m crazy to some

Intriguing to others

I pull people toward me like a drug

Regardless what they think I am, or what they say

Mania…Sadness, my mind is lost

Indifference…apathy…this is my truth

Except it and come toward it…or run away

I honestly don’t care what you do…either come toward me or stay away