Existing

I kind of want to die again

It’s been a little while

It’s very hard to be alive right now

Its very hard to exist as myself in this current state that I am in

Should I do something

Should I help others in some way

Or have I already said

All there is to say

Nyx

Addictions

Push him out

Let him in

Push him out

Let him in

Pain

Emptiness

More pain

I wish I could change

But I’ll probably just stay the same

I had a taste of my addiction

Now it’s gone

I just want to be dead

Nyx

Loneliness

I ask myself why

I can not be alone

Why does the pain hit

When I sit here in silence

Why does it go away

Only when someone is near

This is what I fear

That this loneliness

Will consume me

That the pain will never leave

Why does it have to hurt so much

Why won’t it go away

Why do I have to fight this pain

Every single day

Nyx

Because of you

I have lost faith in the world

Because of you

I believe in nothing

Because of you

You had a mouth full of promises

But a pocket full of secrets

All the lies that you told me

All the things that I did not see

They almost caused my demise

Why couldn’t I see it in your eyes

Why couldn’t I see the lies

Maybe my heart will beat again someday

It does not beat today

Nyx

Disclaimer

This was inspired from the song mouthful of diamonds from the band phantogram.

Great song.

Lost in the dark 

I am lost in the dark 

Running so far 

It’s never fast enough 

To forget what I have seen 

Never fast enough 

To forget who I thought you were 

I thought that I would be true to you 

No matter what you do 

I was wrong 

Nyx 

 

As my heart peels away

I watch as the sun rises 

I watch as the sun sets 

I can not help but wonder 

Is this as good as it gets 

These moments here and there 

These moments when I find my way 

These moments when I write to you 

When I show you the way 

I wear my heart on the outside 

I do not hide it within 

This is why I am so damaged 

Because we live in a world 

Plagued by sin 

This is when I feel the pain 

When I think of all the loss 

When I think of what they have gained 

This is when I lose the hope 

That my heart will stay full 

That my true nature will remain 

With everything I lose 

With everything they gain 

Some days I feel myself slip 

Into something else 

Into a creature fighting to live 

Into a creature with nothing left to give 

Sick and tired of the evil of man 

Sick of fighting for everything that I am 

It is so hard to keep hope in my heart 

When everyone takes a strip 

Tearing it apart 

There are a few pieces left of me 

Still out there for the world to see 

My weakness is known 

My honesty is shown 

My layers of beauty hide the scars 

They hide the peeled back strips 

They hide the darkness 

The darkness that is starting to show

I fear I will never stop fighting 

I fear I will never stop feeling 

These strips they just keep peeling

I fear one day there will be nothing left 

I fear that even the shell of who I was 

Will wither away and just be gone 

I wonder at this moment 

If my soul will let me move on 

Nyx

Away from the light

At this moment all I yearn for is death

All I yearn for is peace

Peace from the darkness that haunts me

Peace from the pain

What I would not give for eternal rest

To not wake up tomorrow

To not have to pretend

To just say good bye to yesterday

And cease to exist today

All I do is float past you

In this shadow of forgotten dreams

Where cob webs have formed

And cracks run through the floor

The only thing that is solid is the tomb

This slab of concrete before me

Closing me in the dark

The air is pushed out of me

As the darkness blows out the light

At this moment my will is gone

Today I submit to my friend Darkness

He has come for me

I let him take my hand as we descend

Further away from the light

Darkness is my only friend tonight
Nyx

Heart breaks 

And my heart breaks slowly

When I think about where I am

Sometimes you just can’t go back from where you began

Nyx

© Nyx0519

Better off alone 

It’s great when you think you have friends And then when something happens.. None of them are there

No condolences.. No questions why..

Not even hey how are you.. Did someone in your family die?

This is what keeps me closed off from people

This is what keeps me away

When you ask for a moment of someone’s time

They run the other freaking way

Well I guess I’m better off as I was..

Before I was fooled into thinking I wasn’t alone..

If I can’t rely on anyone else.. At least my heart is safe on my own