I kind of want to die again
It’s been a little while
It’s very hard to be alive right now
Its very hard to exist as myself in this current state that I am in
Should I do something
Should I help others in some way
Or have I already said
All there is to say
Nyx
Push him out
Let him in
Push him out
Let him in
Pain
Emptiness
More pain
I wish I could change
But I’ll probably just stay the same
I had a taste of my addiction
Now it’s gone
I just want to be dead
Nyx
I ask myself why
I can not be alone
Why does the pain hit
When I sit here in silence
Why does it go away
Only when someone is near
This is what I fear
That this loneliness
Will consume me
That the pain will never leave
Why does it have to hurt so much
Why won’t it go away
Why do I have to fight this pain
Every single day
Nyx
I have lost faith in the world
Because of you
I believe in nothing
Because of you
You had a mouth full of promises
But a pocket full of secrets
All the lies that you told me
All the things that I did not see
They almost caused my demise
Why couldn’t I see it in your eyes
Why couldn’t I see the lies
Maybe my heart will beat again someday
It does not beat today
Nyx
Disclaimer
This was inspired from the song mouthful of diamonds from the band phantogram.
Great song.
I am lost in the dark
Running so far
It’s never fast enough
To forget what I have seen
Never fast enough
To forget who I thought you were
I thought that I would be true to you
No matter what you do
I was wrong
Nyx
I watch as the sun rises
I watch as the sun sets
I can not help but wonder
Is this as good as it gets
These moments here and there
These moments when I find my way
These moments when I write to you
When I show you the way
I wear my heart on the outside
I do not hide it within
This is why I am so damaged
Because we live in a world
Plagued by sin
This is when I feel the pain
When I think of all the loss
When I think of what they have gained
This is when I lose the hope
That my heart will stay full
That my true nature will remain
With everything I lose
With everything they gain
Some days I feel myself slip
Into something else
Into a creature fighting to live
Into a creature with nothing left to give
Sick and tired of the evil of man
Sick of fighting for everything that I am
It is so hard to keep hope in my heart
When everyone takes a strip
Tearing it apart
There are a few pieces left of me
Still out there for the world to see
My weakness is known
My honesty is shown
My layers of beauty hide the scars
They hide the peeled back strips
They hide the darkness
The darkness that is starting to show
I fear I will never stop fighting
I fear I will never stop feeling
These strips they just keep peeling
I fear one day there will be nothing left
I fear that even the shell of who I was
Will wither away and just be gone
I wonder at this moment
If my soul will let me move on
Nyx
At this moment all I yearn for is death
All I yearn for is peace
Peace from the darkness that haunts me
Peace from the pain
What I would not give for eternal rest
To not wake up tomorrow
To not have to pretend
To just say good bye to yesterday
And cease to exist today
All I do is float past you
In this shadow of forgotten dreams
Where cob webs have formed
And cracks run through the floor
The only thing that is solid is the tomb
This slab of concrete before me
Closing me in the dark
The air is pushed out of me
As the darkness blows out the light
At this moment my will is gone
Today I submit to my friend Darkness
He has come for me
I let him take my hand as we descend
Further away from the light
Darkness is my only friend tonight
Nyx
And my heart breaks slowly
When I think about where I am
Sometimes you just can’t go back from where you began
Nyx
© Nyx0519
It’s great when you think you have friends And then when something happens.. None of them are there
No condolences.. No questions why..
Not even hey how are you.. Did someone in your family die?
This is what keeps me closed off from people
This is what keeps me away
When you ask for a moment of someone’s time
They run the other freaking way
Well I guess I’m better off as I was..
Before I was fooled into thinking I wasn’t alone..
If I can’t rely on anyone else.. At least my heart is safe on my own
Words From A Borderline 
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