No control

The panic hits me

Then I crash

I cannot control it

There is no turning back

It starts like a tidal wave

Rising and turning

My chest starts to pound

Then it starts burning

I breathe in the air

I listen for a sound

I feel the world close in around me

As the air leaves my lungs

I have no control

Today it has won

Nyx

I have to prevail

The anxiety smoothers me

I can no longer breathe

Survival is what I need

In order to succeed

The struggle to keep my head above water

It gets harder everyday

If only I could find someway

To assure I will make it

If only I could find someway

To feel safe again

As my breath leaves me

I start to feel the pain

The constant worry

It is always the same

Will I make it

Or will I fail

I know that somehow

I have to do this

I have to prevail

Nyx

When my soul is gone 

Sometimes despair drags me down 

Through this haze of memories 

Through years of turmoil 

My body sinks 

Until it is anchored down 

Then the rooms fills with water 

As I lay chained to the ground 

Once again I gulp for air 

Until I can no longer breathe 

This is when the emptiness comes 

This is when my soul is gone 

Nyx

This monster that you made

I feel my heart stop beating  

I feel myself break in half 

Why am I always left here 

Alone in this place 

How many demons must I conquer

To forget your face 

You have destroyed 

Only to recreate 

It is too late to change 

This monster that you made 

I try to dream 

I try to float away 

Instead I scream

As I drown on the inside

Remembering all the lies 

I try to live in this moment 

But this moment does not last 

What I would not give 

To be able to erase the past

Nyx 

How I breathe today 

When I reflect

When I stop

When I think about

Where I come from

All I feel is pain

An agony so piercing

An agony so deep

It is all consuming

This agony I feel

What I wouldn’t give

For it not to be real

These images of my past

And all the pain that they bring

Thankfully they do not last

Because I shut them away

This is how I survive

This is how I breathe today

Nyx

Yearning for peace

Once again I feel my chest cave in

I feel my head ache 

I long for an escape 

I long for peace from this life 

I long to escape today 

Go somewhere far away 

Sometimes I dream of being someone else 

Ignorant to the world around me 

I do not want to be aware of the things I see

I just want to feel no pain 

I want to know that I am sane 

But here I sit the same as before 

In pain yearning for peace once more 
Nyx

I long for peace

I sit here and I dream 

About a life without the pain 

On the inside I just scream 

In my chest it is always the same 

The pain stabs through my heart 

It tears right through my soul 

Taking everything that I am 

Until I lose control 

My mind shuts down 

My stomach turns 

As I grow more weary

I am sick of the dark 

I am sick of the dread 

I do not have voices in my head 

I do not have demons clawing at me 

What I have is only 

Complete and total agony 

On the inside I scream 

With each heartbeat 

With each breath 

I long for peace 

I long for rest 
Nyx

Under water

Your words they cut so deep 

Huge cuts that slice through my soul 

I knew that I would pay a price 

I knew that there would be a toll

You slander me with words you say 

Thinking that this is my price to pay 

With each lash and every word you spew 

All I see is venom dripping off your tongue 

Something’s now I see so clearly 

You have been the anchor 

You have been the one holding me down 

You have been watching 

Holding my head under water 

Waiting for me to slowly drown 

Nyx 

Once again

Once again I feel myself drowning 

Once again I just want to scream 

I want to float away 

I want to live in a dream 

I wish I could escape this nightmare that is my life 

I wish I could escape the pain 

I want to stop pretending 

I want it all to stop 

I want to get away from you all

Before I dive 

Before I fall