drowning

Addictions

/ Nyx / 4 Comments

Push him out

Let him in

Push him out

Let him in

Pain

Emptiness

More pain

I wish I could change

But I’ll probably just stay the same

I had a taste of my addiction

Now it’s gone

I just want to be dead

Nyx

Pray for peace

/ Nyx / 8 Comments

Up and down

Down and up

Why can’t they stay the same

These emotions

That I just cannot contain

It is a form of torture

I wish on no one

I do not know how to stop them

They come and then they go

This is what happens when I stop moving

This is when it happens the most

All I can do is pray for peace

And pray that it will change

Nyx

Pandora’s box

/ Nyx / 5 Comments

I sit here numb

To everything around me

I feel the world cave in

As I look down at the water

I feel the apathy

As I make my choice

A choice I have made before

With every closing door

I take one last moment

To let myself feel the pain

It cuts so deep

I will never be the same

I look at the sky

Before I jump

Into the cold water below

This is where I belong

So this is where I go

When all is lost

I will take myself there

To Pandora’s box

Hoping for the darkness

Hoping for some peace

Hoping that this time

I do not come back

I just want the darkness

I just want to see the sky

I just want to see the sea

Then I want to die

Nyx

Into the abyss

/ Nyx / 4 Comments

I feel my body as it starts to shut down

In this moment I have no hope

I find no ground

I fall into the darkness

Into the abyss of my mind

I no longer care

I have no sense of time

I no longer hope

I no longer fear

All I do is sit here

Falling further down

Until I find the water

And let myself drown

 

To my readers and the people who care about my posts,

When I write, it is not always literal, it is not always about the present. Please do not interpret anything literally. I only say this, because I know that I have readers who think that what I write is always at this moment, and that is not the case. I will not always say when or where or how these poems come to me. I always appreciate everyones empathy, concern, and happiness when I post my poems. Please keep in mind that these posts are not always what they seem, they are not always literal, and they are definitely not always present day.  Please know that I appreciate everyone who enjoys my writing. I just think this needed to be said. To everyone who reads and supports my poems, I appreciate the hell out of you.   Peace and Love, Nyx 

No control

/ Nyx / 16 Comments

The panic hits me

Then I crash

I cannot control it

There is no turning back

It starts like a tidal wave

Rising and turning

My chest starts to pound

Then it starts burning

I breathe in the air

I listen for a sound

I feel the world close in around me

As the air leaves my lungs

I have no control

Today it has won

Nyx

I have to prevail

/ Nyx / 13 Comments

The anxiety smoothers me

I can no longer breathe

Survival is what I need

In order to succeed

The struggle to keep my head above water

It gets harder everyday

If only I could find someway

To assure I will make it

If only I could find someway

To feel safe again

As my breath leaves me

I start to feel the pain

The constant worry

It is always the same

Will I make it

Or will I fail

I know that somehow

I have to do this

I have to prevail

Nyx

When my soul is gone 

/ Nyx / 8 Comments

Sometimes despair drags me down

Through this haze of memories

Through years of turmoil

My body sinks

Until it is anchored down

Then the room fills with water

As I lay chained to the ground

Once again I gulp for air

Until I can no longer breathe

This is when the emptiness comes

This is when my soul is gone

Nyx

Erase me

/ Nyx / Leave a comment

I feel my heart stop beating

I feel myself break in half

Why am I always left here

Alone in this place

How many demons must I conquer

To forget your face

You have destroyed

Only to recreate

It is too late to change

This monster that you made

I try to dream

I try to float away

Instead I scream

As I drown on the inside

Remembering all the lies

I try to live in this moment

But this moment does not last

What I would not give

To be able to erase the past

Nyx

How I breathe today 

/ Nyx / 6 Comments

When I reflect

When I stop

When I think about

Where I come from

All I feel is pain

An agony so piercing

An agony so deep

It is all consuming

This agony I feel

What I wouldn’t give

For it not to be real

These images of my past

And all the pain that they bring

Thankfully they do not last

Because I shut them away

This is how I survive

This is how I breathe today

Nyx