Up and down
Down and up
Why can’t they stay the same
These emotions
That I just cannot contain
It is a form of torture
I wish on no one
I do not know how to stop them
They come and then they go
This is what happens when I stop moving
This is when it happens the most
All I can do is pray for peace
And pray that it will change
Nyx
I sit here numb
To everything around me
I feel the world cave in
As I look down at the water
I feel the apathy
As I make my choice
A choice I have made before
With every closing door
I take one last moment
To let myself feel the pain
It cuts so deep
I will never be the same
I look at the sky
Before I jump
Into the cold water below
This is where I belong
So this is where I go
When all is lost
I will take myself there
To Pandora’s box
Hoping for the darkness
Hoping for some peace
Hoping that this time
I do not come back
I just want the darkness
I just want to see the sky
I just want to see the sea
Then I want to die
Nyx
I feel my body as it starts to shut down
In this moment I have no hope
I find no ground
I fall into the darkness
Into the abyss of my mind
I no longer care
I have no sense of time
I no longer hope
I no longer fear
All I do is sit here
Falling further down
Until I find the water
And let myself drown
To my readers and the people who care about my posts,
When I write, it is not always literal, it is not always about the present. Please do not interpret anything literally. I only say this, because I know that I have readers who think that what I write is always at this moment, and that is not the case. I will not always say when or where or how these poems come to me. I always appreciate everyones empathy, concern, and happiness when I post my poems. Please keep in mind that these posts are not always what they seem, they are not always literal, and they are definitely not always present day. Please know that I appreciate everyone who enjoys my writing. I just think this needed to be said. To everyone who reads and supports my poems, I appreciate the hell out of you. Peace and Love, Nyx
The panic hits me
Then I crash
I cannot control it
There is no turning back
It starts like a tidal wave
Rising and turning
My chest starts to pound
Then it starts burning
I breathe in the air
I listen for a sound
I feel the world close in around me
As the air leaves my lungs
I have no control
Today it has won
Nyx
The anxiety smoothers me
I can no longer breathe
Survival is what I need
In order to succeed
The struggle to keep my head above water
It gets harder everyday
If only I could find someway
To assure I will make it
If only I could find someway
To feel safe again
As my breath leaves me
I start to feel the pain
The constant worry
It is always the same
Will I make it
Or will I fail
I know that somehow
I have to do this
I have to prevail
Nyx
Sometimes despair drags me down
Through this haze of memories
Through years of turmoil
My body sinks
Until it is anchored down
Then the rooms fills with water
As I lay chained to the ground
Once again I gulp for air
Until I can no longer breathe
This is when the emptiness comes
This is when my soul is gone
Nyx
I feel my heart stop beating
I feel myself break in half
Why am I always left here
Alone in this place
How many demons must I conquer
To forget your face
You have destroyed
Only to recreate
It is too late to change
This monster that you made
I try to dream
I try to float away
Instead I scream
As I drown on the inside
Remembering all the lies
I try to live in this moment
But this moment does not last
What I would not give
To be able to erase the past
Nyx
When I reflect
When I stop
When I think about
Where I come from
All I feel is pain
An agony so piercing
An agony so deep
It is all consuming
This agony I feel
What I wouldn’t give
For it not to be real
These images of my past
And all the pain that they bring
Thankfully they do not last
Because I shut them away
This is how I survive
This is how I breathe today
Nyx
Once again I feel my chest cave in
I feel my head ache
I long for an escape
I long for peace from this life
I long to escape today
Go somewhere far away
Sometimes I dream of being someone else
Ignorant to the world around me
I do not want to be aware of the things I see
I just want to feel no pain
I want to know that I am sane
But here I sit the same as before
In pain yearning for peace once more
Nyx
I sit here and I dream
About a life without the pain
On the inside I just scream
In my chest it is always the same
The pain stabs through my heart
It tears right through my soul
Taking everything that I am
Until I lose control
My mind shuts down
My stomach turns
As I grow more weary
I am sick of the dark
I am sick of the dread
I do not have voices in my head
I do not have demons clawing at me
What I have is only
Complete and total agony
On the inside I scream
With each heartbeat
With each breath
I long for peace
I long for rest
Nyx
