Solace in the dark

Sitting in the dark

Crying again

Letting go of another person

Another strip of my heart is gone

The pain is so great

That I have to shut down

If I didn’t I would break completely

There is no coming back from this

There is no way to change it

I’m still here breathing

Enduring it all

I feel comfort in this time

I have found solitude

I have found solace in the darkness

It is where I belong

There is no human for me

There never will be

Nyx

Dialogue with my friend darkness

“Hello Darkness my old friend

It’s nice to see you again”

“My sweet girl why are you so restless?

Can’t find that peace you still seek?

Can’t find an ear to listen to the screams?

Well here I am my dear

I will listen as you scream in pain

Then I will take you with me

I will lay my claim

In the end it will be the same

This is how it must be

Some day soon you will see

It has always been me

I am your true friend

I will show you how your life will end

Take my hand my dear”

I take his hand

“I know darkness

You are always right

Once again you are my only friend tonight”

Together we descend

That familiar feeling

I feel that familiar ache

It grips my chest again

The sadness lingers

Never far from the surface

Sadness brings this feeling

No words can truly describe it

All my life I have fought

This feeling that I must endure

I have learned I must embrace it

There is no cure

Maybe someday this will change

Maybe it will end

I just have to face this feeling

Until then

This is how it must be

I see darkness creeping toward me

I am still here my friend

But please go away

I do not have the strength

To walk with you again today

Nyx

Covered in paint and powder

She suffers in ways

That no one can see

The agony gets swept aside

By the powder she spreads across her face

Covering the darkness

Covering the scars

There is no part left to be seen

She covers it all

Underneath the paint

Underneath the skin

The darkness hides the flame

The fire that keeps her alive

The anger makes her move

When all hope is lost

Everyday a piece is taken

Living her life at this high cost

Broken and bleeding

Mended here and there

How she longs to have been anyone else, anywhere

Her pleas are unheard

Her tears are unseen

She will exist as she is

A plastered doll covered in paint and powder

Living in shame

I hear her as she screams louder

While she burns from within

Nyx

My world of darkness

I live in my own world of darkness

I do not see the light

I feel so alone

I feel so sad

I am still grieving over something

I never had

The sadness turns to pain

So similar than before

Except this time I feel less strength

It is hard to remember what I fight for

It hurts today

As I lay here in the dark

Wondering why I cannot be ok

With being alone again today

Nyx

My last dance

Another day is passing

The sun begins to set

Here we go again

I lay out the cards

I place my bet

Darkness says to me

It’s a 50/50 chance

This will be your last dance

Nyx

I will paint you black

I suffer every single day

There is nothing that will take the pain away

I exist in my own hell

What I feel inside

No one will ever know

The pain is so great

It quickly turns to hate

I will rip you down

Before I raise my voice

I will not need to

I will paint you black

Then I will walk away

Because in the end

There is nothing left

I do not exist in this world

And I never will

Nyx

Depression

Today I feel so hollow

The depression it hits me hard

There is no thought

There is no action

That makes me feel this way

It is just a feeling that I live with

Every single day

Sometimes I forget

Until I sit still

Then I realize that this depression

It is real

There is no rhyme or reason

For the way I feel

I sit here alone in silence

Hoping this feeling will end

This is when I try to escape

This is when I pretend

Nyx

Disclaimer: When I write, it is not always literal, it is not always about the present. Please do not interpret anything literally. I only say this because I know that I have readers who think that what I write is always at this moment, and that is not the case. I will not always say when or how these poems come to me. I always appreciate everyones empathy, concern, and happiness when I post my poems. Please keep in mind that these posts are not always what they seem. They are not always literal, and they are definitely not always present day.  Please know that I appreciate everyone who enjoys my writing. I just think this needed to be said. To everyone who reads and supports my poems. I appreciate the hell out of you. 

Erase me

I feel my heart stop beating

I feel myself break in half

Why am I always left here

Alone in this place

How many demons must I conquer

To forget your face

You have destroyed

Only to recreate

It is too late to change

This monster that you made

I try to dream

I try to float away

Instead I scream

As I drown on the inside

Remembering all the lies

I try to live in this moment

But this moment does not last

What I would not give

To be able to erase the past

Nyx

Lost to this world 

I feel numb 

Lost to this world

I am fading 

Fading into nothing 

I no longer care 

About anything at all

All I want to do is free fall 

Free fall to nothing 

Close my eyes 

Feel the air 

Pushing against my skin 

I feel the darkness push me further 

As I slowly disappear 

Farther and farther I fall 

Until I am merely mist in the air 

Darkness pushes me down 

He wants me to disappear 

He wants me to hit the bottom 

This is when peace will come 

This is when I will go back 

Back to where I come from

Nyx

To my readers,

This poem is how I have felt in the past, not today. Thank you all for your continued support. Peace and love. Nyx