This is not the end

Today I feel so lost

I used to be so sure of my direction

Where I was going

Who I was

Who I wanted to be

Now I feel myself grow tired

Of the frustration each day brings

Wondering what is happening to me

Feeling this lack of security

It is tearing me apart

Indecision clouds my mind

As I feel time slipping away

I feel myself falling

A little more each day

I do not know what to do

I do not know where to go

I will try to find some peace

I will try to find myself again

I do not want to feel this way

This is not the end

Nyx

Humbled

A path I thought was certain

Is no longer there for me

I know I must accept this

But the anxiety burns my chest

I was so sure of myself

So sure of who I would be

So sure of what I would do

It filled me with joy

These thoughts of the path I always dreamed of

I did not see this loss

After coming this far I had no doubts

Yet humbled I have become

Reminded that this is a fight I have not won

So quickly things can change

So quickly hope can lead to pain

I have to find a new path

I have to learn from this

I have to accept this failure

See it for what it is

This was not meant to be

I cannot let this failed dream beat me

Nyx

Need to pretend

I would rather suffer

In any other way

Then feel the things I feel

Every single day

It does not stop this cycle

Will it ever end

When will I find peace

When will I no longer

Need to pretend

Nyx

Into the unknown

The cycle it repeats

As the pressure crushes me

Every single day

Sometimes it starts with panic

Sometimes it is the sadness

No matter what it brings

The only way to end it

Is to drift away

Somewhere else I go

Deep inside my mind

Into the unknown

This is the end of me

The piece I cannot see

This is all that is left of me

Nyx

After the damage is done

What am I doing

How do I change who I am

Somedays all I want to do is sleep

Somedays all I want to do is run away

I cut them all out of my life

Then I want them back

What is wrong with me

I am so lost today

This is when I pull them back

After the damage is done

It is already too late

Nyx

There is only rain

The loneliness

It cripples me

People only care

To some degree

I see this when they walk away

Because they always leave

Today there is no light

Today I cannot see

There is only darkness

There is only pain

There are no roses

There is only rain

The agony is always there

When I let myself feel

When I let myself care

Nyx

Everyday I will fight

I breathe in the air

Tell myself to let go

I try to will the anxiety away

I need to stay focused

I need to find my way

I can not give up

I will try again

To pull myself through

I need to find strength in myself

I need to find it deep inside

Because I have nothing left to fear

Because I have nothing to hide

I just have to keep breathing

Until I find the path again

Then I will walk forward

I will find the light

Every day I remember

Every day I will fight

Nyx

Peace

As the sun sets

I feel some peace

At last

How I wish that it would stay

When the sun shines I feel the panic

My heart starts to race

These feelings I cannot control

These feelings I cannot face

What do you do

When you can no longer run

You have to look back and see

Everything you have done

Watch yourself as you fell

Into the depths of hell

I am so grateful for this moment

This moment of peace

Nyx

No control

The panic hits me

Then I crash

I cannot control it

There is no turning back

It starts like a tidal wave

Rising and turning

My chest starts to pound

Then it starts burning

I breathe in the air

I listen for a sound

I feel the world close in around me

As the air leaves my lungs

I have no control

Today it has won

Nyx