Humbled

A path I thought was certain

Is no longer there for me

I know I must accept this

But the anxiety burns my chest

I was so sure of myself

So sure of who I would be

So sure of what I would do

It filled me with joy

These thoughts of the path I always dreamed of

I did not see this loss

After coming this far I had no doubts

Yet humbled I have become

Reminded that this is a fight I have not won

So quickly things can change

So quickly hope can lead to pain

I have to find a new path

I have to learn from this

I have to accept this failure

See it for what it is

This was not meant to be

I cannot let this failed dream beat me

Nyx

Embrace the darkness

Once again I embrace the darkness

As alone as I have always been

He is the only comfort I know

The only one who never leaves

I hear the world outside

A world I do not belong in

I belong with darkness

He never lets me down

I sit here waiting

Knowing he will come someday

He will come and take all this pain away

Nyx

A bird with a broken wing

I had to let you go

That short lived feeling

Has long passed

I need to find a way

To be ok today

I need to find a way

To stop the pain again

What the hell do I do

When all I want is to escape

To feel something else

Besides this eternal heartache

I know longer care

If I win or lose

I know longer know

Who I even am

All I have ever done

Is fight to want to live

Without this dream I have

There is nothing left to give

A wanderer is what I am

A warrior as well

I hold my shield up

But my arms they grow weary

And sometimes I take a hit

When I let the shield fall

This is when you see it all

The pain is on my face

The plastered pieces start to crumple

And the fissures and scars all show

This is what I am

A scarred and broken thing

Like a beautiful bird

With a broken wing

I cannot sing

I cannot fly

The truth is that every day

What I long for

Is to simply die

I try to see the beauty in the world

I try to look toward the sky

I try to ask myself questions

I start to wonder why

Peace has not found me

This is when I cry

Nyx

I wrote this poem back in 2018. This poem is my favorite because it is a clear view to my soul. This is how I truly see myself.

Blood of my blood

I had to let you go again

Blood of my blood

Torn from me you will always be

By no fault of yours

Just the choice to love one of the destroyers of my life

A destroyer I will never forgive

A monster only I can see

Who cradles you in her arms

Nyx

Reality

Today I wanted to stay in my dreams

There was no pain or hardship there

I didn’t want to wake up to this reality

The reality of the loneliness in my life

The reality of the skin I live in

The reality of the shame I feel

I wish it all wasn’t real

Nyx

Seconds that speed away

I just want to escape

Leave this pain behind

Leave this world behind

The sadness has passed

Now I am numb

Dead inside

Staying where no one can see me

Aware of how quickly the seconds go

Aware that soon my time will be over

This time that continues to speed away

All I can do is hope

That pain does not follow me after this life

Nyx

A warrior with a voice

I feel pride in how far I have come

I have fell down more times than I can count

But I do get up eventually, and after every fall

I remember who I am now

What I have grown into

A warrior with a voice so loud and clear

That people listen now

A voice so loud and clear

That strength and passion flows through me

Maybe someday I will get to where I need to be

As long as I keep getting up I believe I will succeed

Nyx

Faith

Uncertainty ruled my thoughts today

But self reflection guided me

Onto a better path

It showed me what I needed to see

There is no certainty in the steps we take in life

But there is faith in a future that can be bright

Nyx