Month: June 2017

As my heart peels away

/ Nyx / 1 Comment

I watch as the sun rises 

I watch as the sun sets 

I can not help but wonder 

Is this as good as it gets 

These moments here and there 

These moments when I find my way 

These moments when I write to you 

When I show you the way 

I wear my heart on the outside 

I do not hide it within 

This is why I am so damaged 

Because we live in a world 

Plagued by sin 

This is when I feel the pain 

When I think of all the loss 

When I think of what they have gained 

This is when I lose the hope 

That my heart will stay full 

That my true nature will remain 

With everything I lose 

With everything they gain 

Some days I feel myself slip 

Into something else 

Into a creature fighting to live 

Into a creature with nothing left to give 

Sick and tired of the evil of man 

Sick of fighting for everything that I am 

It is so hard to keep hope in my heart 

When everyone takes a strip 

Tearing it apart 

There are a few pieces left of me 

Still out there for the world to see 

My weakness is known 

My honesty is shown 

My layers of beauty hide the scars 

They hide the peeled back strips 

They hide the darkness 

The darkness that is starting to show

I fear I will never stop fighting 

I fear I will never stop feeling 

These strips they just keep peeling

I fear one day there will be nothing left 

I fear that even the shell of who I was 

Will wither away and just be gone 

I wonder at this moment 

If my soul will let me move on 

Nyx

I’m a dreamer 

/ Nyx / 8 Comments

With the ups and downs I see

Hills and mountains laid out before me

Here and there I find a path 

Here and there I find a stream 

Every now and then a valley 

Like a story book from a dream

I cherish these moments 

They are rare 

When I suffer I take myself there 

To my valley

By the stream 

Where the grass is high 

Where the water is blue 

In this place I feel 

Like I am home 

In this place I feel 

That there is nothing 

That I cannot overcome 
Nyx

Remember

/ Nyx / 10 Comments

I exist as a shell

My soul in eternal hell

The pain is too much

So I shut it all away

Lost again today

Lost my will to live

I did the best I could

I tried to distract

I tried to talk it through

I tried to push away from myself

Before I slammed the knife through

Yet here I am

Bleeding on the inside

Not bleeding out

I am grateful and yet I am not

For the battles I have fought and won

I fight for strength but today I have gone numb

Succumb to the pain I can no longer endure

All I can do is remember what I fight for

 

Nyx

Break the silence 

/ Nyx / 10 Comments

Sometimes I think that I am beaten 

Sometimes I think that I am done 

That is when I stop and remember 

Everything that you have done 

These actions drive me forward 

These memories that you made 

You were the one I trusted 

My life was in your hands 

Everything I did to make you proud of me 

Everything I did I wanted you to see 

I was your daughter 

I was the one you were supposed to protect 

Instead all you did was lie to me 

Confuse me with truths mixed with lies 

Until all I wanted was to escape you 

Everything I have done 

Is a result of what you did 

Everything I do 

Is a fight to beat you

You are the reason I am who I am 

Yet you are the reason I still breathe 

You are the reason I stand

Well dear father someday you will see

What you created 

What you made 

Someday you will see 

That you will never beat me 

I may be bruised 

My bones may break 

I may wake up everyday and suffer 

From eternal heartache 

But when all is lost I see what you have done 

This is what drives me forward 

This is what makes me carry on 

I will fight for those born to suffer 

What you have put me through 

I will fight through the pain 

I will fight because I have no choice 

There was no turning back when I broke the silence 

There was no turning back when I used my voice 
Nyx

My feet in the sand

/ Nyx / 3 Comments

I feel the ocean pull me 

It is like a beacon of light 

I feel the energy surround me 

It is so powerful 

It is so strong 

It is here in this moment 

With my feet in the sand

This is where I belong 
Nyx

Goodbye to yesterday 

/ Nyx / 7 Comments

In this life so much is uncertain 

So much is unseen 

There is so much doubt 

One thing I do know 

Is that love is real 

I know it when I look in your eyes

I know it when I hear your voice 

I know it when I feel myself 

Being pulled toward you with a force I can not stop 

A force I can not control 

A force so strong that nothing can keep me from you 

There is no doubt 

There is no fear 

There is only love 

Love that I know will only continue to grow

Night after night 

Year after year 

When my heart races I know yours does the same 

When I am in pain I hear you scream my name 

Because you are my other half

The other side of my soul 

Now I know what it feels like to be whole

Now I know what it feels like to have no doubt or fear 

Because I have found you my love 

Because I have found you my dear 

I will hold your hand in mine as we walk together this way 

Together we step in sync as we say goodbye to yesterday 
Nyx

I rise 

/ Nyx / 10 Comments

Once again I rise with hope in my heart 

That today will be better than yesterday 

That I will not fall into despair 

That I will not long for sleep 

That I will not pray for peace 

I may be lost 

I may be broken 

I may have lost the words to say 

Words I have already spoken 

Yet I am still here 

I am still here breathing 

I am still here fighting 

I have risen again my friend 

I will fight until I exhale my last breath 

I will fight until there is nothing left 
Nyx

Trust

/ Nyx / 4 Comments

Through the ups and downs I see

A hand reached out beside me 

I hesitate but take this hand 

Trusting him to catch me before I land 

Strength 

/ Nyx / 9 Comments

I wake up with renewed strength 

I do not know how I feel this way 

I do not know how I find the will 

To wake up and carry on 

But somehow this is what I do 

Day after day 

I wake up and I move 

Hoping this day will be better than the last

Nyx

Away from the light

/ Nyx / 13 Comments

At this moment all I yearn for is death

All I yearn for is peace

Peace from the darkness that haunts me

Peace from the pain

What I would not give for eternal rest

To not wake up tomorrow

To not have to pretend

To just say good bye to yesterday

And cease to exist today

All I do is float past you

In this shadow of forgotten dreams

Where cob webs have formed

And cracks run through the floor

The only thing that is solid is the tomb

This slab of concrete before me

Closing me in the dark

The air is pushed out of me

As the darkness blows out the light

At this moment my will is gone

Today I submit to my friend Darkness

He has come for me

I let him take my hand as we descend

Further away from the light

Darkness is my only friend tonight
Nyx